George Lucas Based Jar Jar On Goofy, Aydian Dowling Hits New York For “Men’s Health,” Ariana Grande Takes A Hit: MEME

"Stonewall" trailer gets a parody, Dolce and Gabbana apologize, Idris Elba knows you think he has a big dick

Keegan Hirst
Congratulations to Keegan Hirst of the Batley Bulldogs, a professional rugby player who has come out as gay while still playing. I get a little confused about professional leagues in the UK, but according to The Mirror, he “is the first British professional in the code to openly say he is gay,” so I’m not sure how Gareth Thomas fits in. Keegan has been married and has two children, and had a hard time coming to terms with being gay. “I had a wife and kids. I’ve been a builder, doorman, worked in factories – I play rugby. I tick every macho box. How could I be gay? I’m from Batley for goodness sake. No one is gay in Batley. The only time I felt free of the torment was when I stepped on the rugby pitch. Now I feel free.” He’s about to play his first game on Sunday since coming out, and he knows the fans may give him a hard time, but his teammates are behind him. “People keep saying I’m brave – I don’t feel brave. I’m just talking about me.”

Because everybody can have their own kink, the latest sex toy is the Ovipositor, which is basically a hollow dildo used to insert gelatin eggs inside your orifices like an alien would do. The gelatin dissolves inside you at body temperature, so cleanup is simple.

Straight Outta Compton
Despite concerns about security in theaters, Straight Outta Compton is roaring at the box office, heading to $55+ million for the weekend, one of the biggest August openings ever and R-rated openings ever. It’s crushing The Man from U.N.C.L.E., which is going to finish with an anemic $13 million.

Because George Lucas isn’t done ruining things from our childhood, he’s now revealed that his inspiration for Jar Jar Binks was actually Goofy “I can’t even begin to tell you how much of an influence Disney has had on me.I will say one secret that nobody knows: Not many people realize that Goofy was the inspiration for Jar Jar Binks.” Max is gonna be so disappointed. has announced a scholarship program to award $1,500 to any of their registered members who are currently enrolled in school. Anyone applying simply has to write an essay or make a short video, and the winner will be picked by Colby Keller. According to escort Leo Sweetwood, “I don’t think the general public gives porn stars enough credit, and they don’t see porn stars as smart. They don’t see that a lot of porn stars are business owners or they are college graduates or PHDs; some of them are pursuing medical school.”

Thousands of protesters took to the streets of Melbourne in favor of marriage equality, and the shady tricks that Prime Minster Tony Abbott has pulled to block it.

Kentucky and West Virginia are neighbors, and the smaller towns share a lot in common. But Kim Davis, the clerk who won’t issue marriage licenses because issuing them to same-sex couples violates her religion is a step too far, even for neighbors. The editorial department of the Charleston Gazette wants her to do her job or quit. “But a county clerk’s office is not church. Davis has been elected as a public servant, and some duties are simply ministerial, not a judgment call. Such duties are carried out because they are a matter of law. Same-sex couples are not looking for a county clerk’s permission or blessing when they file their paperwork, any more than any other couple is interested in the clerk’s personal opinions of their match.”

Aydian Dowling
Trans bodybuilder Aydian Dowling has made the final five in the Men’s Health Ultimate Man covershoot contest, and has flown to New York to meet with editors and participate in a photoshoot with the other finalists.

Dave Cooley, the owner of The Abbey, says that buying the bar back solely was a matter of timing, as his partner SBE wanted to focus on hotels and not bars and restaurants. As for the reality show that’s filming there, he won’t say if there’s a network attached, but he’s working with Banijay, who is behind I Am Cait and Total Divas, both of which air on E!. He says that it’s being done with his staff, and will be a positive show. “The show has been cast. It has not been revealed yet. I am only using my staff. The show has to be in a positive manner — not ‘who is sleeping with who’ and me yelling as the ‘yelling boss.’ We did our first taping of the show at my birthday party with the announcement of me buying it back.” He also talks about plans to expands nationally, starting with New York and Miami.

Michael Sam
Michael Sam says that’s he’s leaving football to focus on his mental health. “The last 12 months have been very difficult for me, to the point where I became concerned with my mental health. Because of this I am going to step away from the game at this time.” Some people are saying that he should have been prepared for the chaos that came with coming out, but I’m not sure anyone could be. It would be easier for an established player to come out, but we have to remember that Sam really is just a kid, fresh out of college.

Dan Savage and Terry Miller
Dan Savage is preparing to host his annual HUMP porn film festival, so Buzzfeed asked him what kind of porn he thinks the various Republican candidates would submit to the festival. Rick Santorum’s might be too much for everyone. “I don’t think I could sit through what Rick Santorum would put into Hump. I don’t want to know what’s going on in the dark recesses of his brain. Usually people who are so angry about what other people are doing sexually have desires of their own that are terrifying and that’s the reason they’re so invested in controlling other people. They’re desperately trying to control themselves.”

Brad Goreski Gary Janetti
Out writer Gary Janetti has landed a pilot with a put commitment at NBC about a puppet show. It’s basically about a wholesome Sesame Street knockoff called Bumbleberry Lane, where the dysfunctional staff behind the show try and keep their lives from spilling onscreen. It’s about the R-rated show behind the G-rated show. I’m all about dirty puppets.

In a fascinating move, a woman has submitted her photo, in just her underwear, to various Photoshop experts in 18 countries to see how they’d touch up the photo to run in a magazine spread. It’s all over the map, with most making her dramatically thinner than she is, and the U.S. has touched up her thighs in a way that is anatomically impossible, but South American countries largely just fixed and smoothed her skin tone and left her actual shape alone.

Idris Elba
Idris Elba is aware that a lot of people follow him on Twitter because they think he has a big dick. “What am I gonna say? I’m not gonna go out there and pretend that I have a 12-foot d**k. It’s just not how I was raised, you know what I mean?… For a minute, the rumor was great. I saw my Twitter account rise. I was like, What is this popularity? Oh, oh, I see, it’s ’cause they think I have a massive penis. But we all had fun with it. I certainly did.”

Ariana Grande
Ariana Grande, post doughnut licking, post “I hate America” comment, has experienced the second largest Q score drop, only outranked by Bill Cosby, who is facing dozens of charges of sexually assaulting women over decades. Q scores are used to measure the likability of celebrities. Despite the drop, she remains much more likable than those at the top of the most hated celebrities, Kim Kardashian and Justin Bieber.

Dolce & Gabbana
Dolce and Gabbana have finally apologized for calling IVF children “synthetic” and ranting against marriage equality. Dolce says “I am so sorry. It was not my intention to offend anyone. “I’ve done some soul-searching. I’ve talked to Stefano a lot about this. I’ve realized that my words were inappropriate, and I apologize. They are just kids. You don’t need labels, baby labels. It’s like medicine. Science has been put on the table to help people.”

David Mixner
Ed Kennedy
And I just want to take a moment to wish my dear friend David Mixner a Happy Birthday. He’s had 69 years of rabble rousing, carousing and generally stirring things up so that the rest of us could have a good time. Here’s to 69 more, good buddy!

I always felt that I was fairly up to date on HIV research, since it so directly affects my life, but some ideas are so out there that even I get surprised. In this TED Talk, Patience Mthunzi talks about her research to use lasers to cure HIV. It’s still in the test tube phase, but we’re talking about a method to attack the HIV reservoirs, which could lead to an actual cure, not just a vaccine. I doubt they’ll master this in my lifetime, but what a fascinating idea.

Bryan Fischer manages the homophobia/racism double play here, where he says that by attempting to challenge the anti-gay adoption laws in Mississippi, gays are seeking to impose slavery on the South, because it forces them to do something they don’t want to do. Honestly, this is how thin their argument has gotten. I mean, the government forces me to pay taxes, carry car insurance, and all sorts of things I’d rather not do, but I don’t call it slavery.

You knew it was only a matter of time until the parodies started for the trailer for Stonewall. Not only is the outrage in place, having other movies from Roland Emmerich to play off of makes this rich ground to mine.

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