Here’s a thought to make January more bearable: February is worse. Heh!
Yikes. We’re in dire need of comedy this month, and here are 10 gay tweets (and an extra one from me) designed to make this month lovable. I also tacked on a tweet from Patton Oswalt about Neneh Cherry that sent me into Drugstore Cowboy-type convulsions.
1. Richard Lawson jokes by not joking at all.
Liz Cheney is dropping out of the race to spend less time with her family.
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) January 6, 2014
2. Chris Schleicher values the least important meal of the day.
Why do people have kids? Because they got bored of going to brunch?
— Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) January 7, 2014
3. Matt Whitaker needs a moment.
Just found out Robin Roberts has been cheating on me for ten years.
— Matt Whitaker (@matt_twittaker) December 31, 2013
4. Sean Brewster is the hero of January.
Just told a homeless man I didn’t have any change on me and it was true!! I’m a really good person.
— Sean Brewster (@TheSeanBrewster) January 6, 2014
5. Braden Graeber isn’t living in 4-D.
My life has been a lot less like “Spy Kids” than I had originally hoped.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) January 7, 2014
6. I guess you’d call Cole Escola “Nia-Conservative.”
God made Adam and Eve, not Connie and Carla!!!!
— Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) January 4, 2014
7. Guy Branum believes R. Kelly will do what he wants with your body in the new year.
Do you think R. Kelly wants to pee on the 21st century now?
— Guy Branum (@guybranum) January 6, 2014
8. I lived through five flight cancellations yesterday and you have to hear about it.
My flights have been canceled so many times that you’d think my pilots starred Bonnie Hunt.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) January 6, 2014
9. Zackary Ross knows where to find some herbal fruitcake.
Need pot? Knock on the door of anyone that leaves their Christmas lights up
— Zackary Ross (@Zackblows) January 6, 2014
10. Justin Root bites the ear off of homophobia.
Evander Holyfield, a man with eleven children from six different wives, wants you to know that gays need to be fixed.
— Justin Root (@JustinWRoot) January 7, 2014
11. Carey O’Donnell believes Bruno Mars is locked out of heaven due to AARP regulations.
There is no way Bruno Mars is not 77-years-old
— Carey O’Donnell (@ecareyo) January 6, 2014
And finally, for the hell of it: the finest Neneh Cherry tweet we have from a straight superstar.
“I don’t always dive when I dance, but when I hang, I prefer a Buffalo Stance.” — The Most Interesting Neneh Cherry In The World
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) January 7, 2014