13 Lessons In Delivering Shade From Sophia Petrillo Of “The Golden Girls”

Thank you for being... a smart ass.

Shady Pines: It’s not just an assisted-care facility for seniors, it’s a way of life. The key word being: Shady. Just ask Sophia Petrillo, Miami’s resident ornery octogenarian.


Related: Lego Super-Fan Re-Creates Scenes From Classic “Golden Girls” Episodes

To celebrate the show’s 30th anniversary, Logo is running a special “30 Isn’t A Drag” Golden Girls Marathon starting Saturday at noon, with Drag Race stars dolled up as our favorite feisty foursome.

Get ready for it with a master class in being a sassy, shady old lady, given by one of the greatest wise-asses television has ever seen.

  1. Don’t JUST insult someone’s looks. Sophia would add nuance. Here she used exaggeration to play off Blanche’s fear of the ravages of time. Are you taking notes?

  2. Build up to the jab. Start it off with the polite, sweet, old lady thing, and them WHAMMO. Bitch. Works every time.

  3. Being a parent means knowing someone better than they know themselves. Use it against them.

  4. Anyone can say thank you ‘Thank You.’ Step your game up.

  5. Oh, Pussycat, you should have seen that coming…

  6. Once you pass 80, your days are numbered. Ensure time for more digs by keeping it quick and simple sometimes.

  7. The best kind of advice… is an insult.

  8. When somebody sets you up for it, seize the moment.

  9. Nothing like the streak-free shine of a crystal clear read.

  10. Mixing sex and religion is tricky and only for seasoned put-down artists. Keep it at the kitchen table if you’re a beginner.

  11. You’ll never go wrong with an insult as a compliment.

  12. Shading yourself at the same time as someone else is funny for everyone. Highly recommended.

  13. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Only those who can take the burn should be dishing them out to those around them.

Stay-at-home mom to two beautiful cats.