15 Thoughts You Have When Browsing Grindr Over Thanksgiving

When your high-school Spanish teacher is only 700 feet away.
  1. It’s nice to see Mom and Dad again, but let’s check what my hometown has been up to since I left…

    look
  2. I wonder if people will recognize me from high school since I look so much better now?

    mirror
  3. Should I change my name to “visiting”? That will drive home the fact that I don’t live here anymore.

    better
  4. It seems that everyone is 4,300 feet away. They must’ve opened a new gay bar nearby.

    sherlock
  5. I’ve been on here for 2 minutes and I already got a “Looking?” message. Keep it classy, hometown.

    unimpressed
  6. IS THAT SEÑOR FROM SPANISH 3?!

    surprise
  7. Would it be weird if I messaged him?

    Alladin-and-Monkey-Thinking
  8. Oh, hey there. You don’t seem like you’ll murder me.

    hither
  9. The most attractive thing someone can say to me is “I’m not from here.”

    swoon
  10. He can’t host?! GODDAMN I KNEW YOU WERE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

    dream
  11. This is why I left this place. Everything is terrible.

    deuces
  12. Why hasn’t anyone professed their love to me yet? This is nothing like “Sweet Home Alabama.”

    honk
  13. You’re gay now? Didn’t see that one coming, high school quarterback.

    footbal
  14. I think I’ve seen enough. Goodbye, Grindr.

    delete
  15. Well that was awful. Guess I’ll get drunk with mom.

    drink
Alberto Davalos is a pleasure to have in class.
@albertodavalo