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It’s nice to see Mom and Dad again, but let’s check what my hometown has been up to since I left…
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I wonder if people will recognize me from high school since I look so much better now?
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Should I change my name to “visiting”? That will drive home the fact that I don’t live here anymore.
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It seems that everyone is 4,300 feet away. They must’ve opened a new gay bar nearby.
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I’ve been on here for 2 minutes and I already got a “Looking?” message. Keep it classy, hometown.
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IS THAT SEÑOR FROM SPANISH 3?!
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Would it be weird if I messaged him?
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Oh, hey there. You don’t seem like you’ll murder me.
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The most attractive thing someone can say to me is “I’m not from here.”
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He can’t host?! GODDAMN I KNEW YOU WERE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
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This is why I left this place. Everything is terrible.
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Why hasn’t anyone professed their love to me yet? This is nothing like “Sweet Home Alabama.”
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You’re gay now? Didn’t see that one coming, high school quarterback.
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I think I’ve seen enough. Goodbye, Grindr.
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Well that was awful. Guess I’ll get drunk with mom.
15 Thoughts You Have When Browsing Grindr Over Thanksgiving
When your high-school Spanish teacher is only 700 feet away.