Top Seven Gay Pop Songs Straight Men Not-So-Secretly Love

I’ve heard many excuses from straight guys as to why they’ll have a single Destiny’s Child track on their iPods amidst all their Daddy Yankee, Interpol, Eminem and Bruce Springsteen...which have included, but are not limited to: “Girls will start dancing when I play it at my apartment,” or “That was in my friend’s playlist that I downloaded. I didn’t know it was in there. I never listen to it,” or (this is a great one), “my girlfriend borrowed it to go running and put her music on there.”

Excuses, excuses…but in all seriousness, there are some uber-pop songs out there that even the macho-est straight guy will begrudgingly admit he likes, issuing the defense: “Dude – it’s a good song!”

So here’s my Top 7 Girly-Pop “Dude, It’s a Good Song!” Tracks (Definitely let me know if I left any major ones out!)…

Number 7: Fergie – “Big Girls Don't Cry”

Straight guys will lament Fergie’s ridiculously bad lyrics (“I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket” being the main culprit), but there’s something about this melody that touches even the straightest of hearts.

(And most straight men I know don’t even like Fergie – they think “My Humps” is one of the worst things that’s happened to music in a decade.)

Number 6: Belinda Carlisle – “Heaven is a Place on Earth”

I never thought Belinda would lift tough guys “up in a wave of love,” but they all have a soft spot for this super-sweet ‘80s hit. Belinda, the former lead singer of the Go-Gos, released “Heaven is a Place on Earth” as the lead single for her second, Grammy-nominated solo album. I can picture many guys mouthing the words to this while running on the treadmill at they gym...

The rest of the list...after the jump!

Number 5: Mika – “Relax, Take It Easy”

Mika’s Life in Cartoon Motion, for being unabashed pop, is surprisingly straight-guy friendly, but “Relax,” in particular, really seems to soothe the soul. Many a straight guy chills out to this track – not so sure about “Big Girl, You Are Beautiful.”

Number 4: Britney Spears – “Toxic”

Back in college, my roommate hated all of the Britney I would play – straight-up hated it (which I could never wrap my head around). So when he actually didn’t cringe upon hearing one of her tracks, I knew something was up. I listened to In the Zone pretty religiously back when it came out, and “Toxic,” of all the tracks, had the most universal appeal, I would say.

My roommate especially enjoyed the funky part before “and I love what you’re doing, but you know that you’re toxic!”

Number 3: Rihanna – “Umbrella”

The song that would never die…And you know what? Straight men played a part in this because I doubt the women and the gays had the power to do this one on their own. The ridiculously popular Good Girl Gone Bad single would get turned up by straights and gays at any party...and how many have witnessed a straight guy drunkenly do the "ella, ella, ella, ay, ay, ay..."?

Number 2: Colbie Caillat: "Bubbly"

So Colby’s this new phenomenon – suddenly she’s competing with Kanye in album sales with her debut, Coco…but what’s so special? It’s hard to dislike “Bubbly,” I’ll say, but it’s mostly just giggles over a crush on a dreamy guy. Not much straight-male appeal there, right?

But I’ve heard multiple straight guys say they like Colby because “she’s just so chill, you know?” The guys don’t praise the music or Colbie herself in any way, it’s just a guilty treat they indulge in when they want to unwind and (of course) are safely alone.

Number 1: Kelly Clarkson – “Since U Been Gone”

I listened to “Since U Been Gone” so many times (and I'm talking many times), it’s kind of dead to me, but straight guys never seem to tire of it. They love it!There’s enough head-banger in it, so they can feel somewhat justified in its presence in their iTunes, but at it’s straightest, this song is still Avril-level, post-breakup girly-girl music. Which is wonderful – you just don’t see too many straight guys singing along to, “How come I never hear you say…I just wanna be with you?”

But thanks to Kelly, you definitely do. “Dude, it’s a very catchy song. You can’t deny it.”

I don’t know what it is about these songs that have set them apart from the rest of the pop world women and straight men openly embrace – but these few and proud have managed to transcend.

But these aren't enough - I say come out of the pop closet straight men! You couldn’t hide your love for these few songs because your feelings were just that strong, but there’s plenty more out there if you would just embrace - just commit - to the world of tween pop! (As if any straight guys are reading this…)

Comments

[Joe]

Toxic and Since U Been Gone: Yeah, I hate most of this kind of music, but these two are definite exceptions. Don't know why.

[Jason]

I think the list is really good, but one song I would put on there is Beyonce' Irreplaceable...I've seen so many straight guys sing their hearts out to that song with no shame whatsoever...lol.