The Funniest Gay Rumors of 2007
When the National Enquirer reported Maureen McCormick's a.k.a Marcia Brady upcoming memoir recounted her lesbian affair with Eve Plumb (little sister Jan), let’s just say Maureen's publicist took her time denying the rumor. After all, the book was getting far too much press. Uhh...something suddenly came up!
The Enquirer printed, in regards to the book…
"The most explosive comments will be how the then-blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play. This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes. It's bizarre because she played such a virginal character on the show."
That's not the only reason it's bizarre, sir - had it been true, of course. Too bad it wasn't, though; Jan yelling, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" would have taken on a whole new meaning!
Hotness rating? 1/4 The Bradys are unsexy enough on their own - no need for underage hookups. If Adult Marcia/Ben Stiller's wife and Adult Jan/I-have-no-idea were doin' it, we could talk.
There are plenty more where that came from...after the jump! Miss Latifah has been hogging the possibly-gay spotlight as of late, but the gay finger-pointing bountiful and succulent this year. Don't miss!
Oh, wow - this one just writes itself...but would anyone ever consider Miss Lohan to be an acutal lesbian? Tila Tequila's getting sh*t, so there's certainly no Lohan Pride Parade in sight. Some writers/bloggers joked LiLo just ran out of men in Hollywood to bone, so she went "lesbian." I don’t know about that, but Lindsay and Marc Ronson’s little sister were awfully close, huh?
When Lindsay entered rehab in July, the scandal broke that Lindsay and Sam were exchanging romantic letters via MySpace. Mmm. What a classic love story.
Some highlights? Lindsay (allegedly!) wrote:
"Babe, if I don't have you in my life then I should just go die. ... I want to marry you and have children with you." And went on, "Go to bed babe. I love you. - [signed] Lindsay Ronson."
Well, Linds, I hope someone vetoes the children idea, and I might replace "should just go die" with "I'll lose most of my drug connects," but at least you got some support during the hard times.
Hotness? 3/4. There might be something sexy about a boyish Sam with a glam and femme Lindsay together...maybe Sam was just better in bed than the men Linds has been with. (If it were true, that is! And were those Sam's coke-filled pants Lindsay was wearing when police pulled her over?)
OK, who is this “former Hollywood publicist,” Jonathan Jaxson? He cannot keep his outing mouth shut! Not only did he go on record about Lindsay and DJ Sam being together, he launched the most recent Jake-being-gay rumor. It's a dirty job...
So remember when Jake was "about to come out" because he and his serious boyfriend, who was either actor Austin Nichols or Chef Chris Fischer, were having a baby through a surrogate? Yeah, Reese is just his shopping buddy.
And Mr. Jaxson wasn't done yet...
Jake Gyllenhaal has been dating the same guy for years. Last year Jake and his bf were arrested and brought into the West Hollywood station after the sheriffs office was called after catching Jake and his bf having sex in an SUV behind the restaurant Chin Chins in LA. Both were later released.
Jake has been dating this guy for years, even before he broke up with Kirsten Dunst. Kirsten Dunst found out about his bf and confronted him at Chateau Marmont. The confrontation was loud and they broke up right there. News of their break-up followed a few days later. Jake and his bf are currently expecting a baby through a surrogate. They used a company based in Westwood, CA. The baby is due in September."
Well, September's come and gone, JJ. Where's the baby? And I hope that was Tahoe or a Hummer or something, because no one likes small-car sex. I would normally think Jake-y would be above such things, but didn't he say he was used to being on the floors of public bathrooms? Maybe he gets into the raunch and the dirt.
Hotness? 3/4. The backseat-of-a-car-behind-a-Chinese-restaurant thing is a bit trashy, so why was Jake getting it on with his boring (alleged) boyfriend and not some rando? That might have kicked it up a notch...or if Reese were gettin' some too.
Carmen E. divorced her husband Dave Navarro in ’06, and soon after, when she started spending quality time with Joan Jett, rumors flew the two were gettin’ it on. That is h.o.t.
But Carmen’s rep denied they were anything more than friends, before mentioning that Carmen was appearing at Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs. Hey, I thought you were trying to make us think she wasn’t a lesbian!
Hotness 4/4. I don't get into the girl-on-girl on my own time, but I'd pay money to see these two doing it. Can you imagine? I bet they're both masterful in the sack...and with "I Love Rock 'n Roll" playing in the background. Mm. Not the Britney cover.
In regards to the tell-all memoir about Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death by former MSNBC journalist Rita Cosby, the NY Daily News reported...
Anna Nicole and her friend allegedly caught Stern and Birkhead with their shirts off and their pants around their ankles in a Los Angeles home. Jackie Hatten, described in the book as one of Anna Nicole's closest friends, said the men were engaged in oral sex.
The shocking book accuses Birkhead and Stern of cutting a secret deal after Anna Nicole was buried in March, with Birkhead getting custody of Dannielynn in return for Stern being named executor of the star's estate.
Ew! This actually is too god-damn disgusting to be funny. Birkheard and Howard K. naked are nasty enough! Thank god it wasn't true. Sorry if you're still trying to block out this rumor...but remember? It got even more disgusting:
The tell-all claims Anna Nicole would spread out on her bed and watch a video allegedly showing Birkhead and Stern having oral sex "over and over" while Stern worked on his computer in their Bahamas home. The existence of the video was confirmed by a source yesterday.
Does that fall into the you-can't-make-this-stuff-up category?
"Sorry, I'm just finishing up some work, dear. I'll be ready to go to dinner in a bit."
"All right, sweetie. I'll just watch our home-video of you blowing my sometimes-boyfriend again while you finish up."
Oh, and I just love "sources."
Hotness. 0/4. I have to stop talking about this.
Was Melanie Brown so overloaded with Eddie Murphy baby-mama drama that someone decided to throw some gay on the pile for good measure? And this one involved a daycare-date. Supposedly Scary Spice met Christa Parker (a mother of two) at their kids’ school and began a “lesbian affair.” Yawn.
To Scary's credit, the rumors got better. This quote was magic.
“Christa, in turn, apparently introduced Mel to her 26-year-old friend Elizabeth Rodriguez, a sex-toy saleswoman. The women allegedly had three-in-a-bed sessions. When Christa introduced her to Elizabeth, the three began to have regular sex sessions. Christa said: "Mel and I were very good friends. We saw each other almost every day and would have sex at least a couple of times a week."
Christa claimed that Mel was dating men at the same time - but the women's liaisons were interrupted in May 2006 when Mel began her passionate romance with Eddie Murphy. But she claims the singer is now in a fragile emotional state and was concerned about her whirlwind marriage to film producer Stephen Belafonte two months ago.”
You mean "three-ways?" Who calls them "three-in-a-beds?" Anyway, also to Melanie's credit, it's always a smart move to have a sex-toy salesperson in the equation. Oh, and isn't this Christa sweet? She only dropped the secret-gay-sex-life bomb because she was "concerned about" Mel's "fragile emotional state."
I'm sure that made Mel feel a lot better!
Hotness? 1/4. The sex toys save it from a zero.
I've read many possibly-true stories about what it's like to be Britney Spears' assistant; it sounds surprisingly un-fun. Britney employed Shannon Funk (below) for only a month, during which time Britney offended OK! magazine with some off behavior at a photo shoot. OK! then ran a story about Britney boinking her one-time assistant.
Well, umm...does anyone want to see these two getting it on? People should not be touching Britney right now; it's just not worth it. Maybe they hooked up in Britney's crazy, dog poo-covered sex den.
But that's awfully tame for a Britney rumor. My bet is Britney's just incredibly needy and only hires her nannies and assistants to be her best friends and to tell her she looks pretty...which then leads to the rumors of romance.
But someone was on the ball and started talking orgies (thank you, whoever you are), and they threw in that Britney was hosting them while still married to K-Fed. Yuck! I hope he wasn't invited, at least.
Get this! There was a rumor this year involving KardASSian - sorry - Kim Kardashian she didn't create herself (that we know of)! Web sites recently printed Britney had the hots for the friend-of-Paris, and, like a good fame-hungry socialite, Kim issued a statement that Britney weirds her out...
"She said she loves me and loves my butt and how she wants to be my lesbian lover."
Yes, Kim - and I'm sure she phrased it like that, too. "Hey, wanna be my lesbian lover?"
Hotness? 2/4. You know, getting involved with Britney's sex life might not be so bad, if viewed from a safe distance. I just hope, whatever they do, they tape it!
Those are some great lics Lindsay looks hotter than ever now she has cleaned up.
Posted by: Terry | December 08, 2007 at 09:09 AM
Hate to break it to this blog but some of those rumors have very large grains of truth in them.
Posted by: Umm | December 09, 2007 at 07:43 AM