After a season in which we met gay Agent Steve Jinks, saw his blossoming BFF relationship with Claudia, witnessed Pete offer him his shirtless glory, and saw him fired by Regent Mrs. Frederic for taking an ethical stand … we’ve come to the two-hour season finale of Warehouse 13.
To say it was a roller coaster ride is an understatement. We began with a tense, slow climb, followed by a rush of euphoria, then another climb, then when it looked as though it was going to completely fly off the tracks, a last minute loop-de-loop saved it, and left us wanting more.
The finale was actually two episodes back-to-back, and it’s a good thing (especially for AfterElton) that they decided to combine them, otherwise the events at the end of the first part would cause a sh*t storm.
But the two parts blended seamlessly, and we didn’t get a chance to let the shocker of Steve’s sacrifice really set in before we were back into the action of part two.
Then there was that one short line of dialogue at the end that changes everything.
Can one short line of dialogue really have that much of an impact?
This one does.
Let’s take a chronological look back at the highlights … the funny, the tense, the heartbreaking … and the potentially, um … lifechanging.
The Pete Cave
The Agents have finally figured out that the Warehouse has been infiltrated and bugged, literally. Nanites have run rampant in the computer system, and have given baddie Walter Sykes info on the Collodi Bracelet (which he needs to walk again), and a Super Top Secret File that only Regents can access.
Luckily, it’s doubtful that Sykes’ cute Canadian hacker Tyler has been able to decipher it yet, and Claudia gets to work to beat him to the punch.
Myka reasonably asserts that Pete’s Regent mother Jane could provide info on the file, but Jane refuses, stating that it’s for Regent eyes only. When Myka points out that it’s sort of a special occasion, Jane shoots her down, saying that the Regents, “Have a plan in place,” and Pete provides no assistance, choosing to side with his mom.
Pete excuses himself to “tag some artifacts,” which in this case is not a euphemism. Myka follows him, confused why he would just roll over like that, even to his mom, and asks why he capitulated.
Pete smiles, and presses a button, revealing the never-before-seen, Super Secret “Pete Cave!”
It’s Pete’s sanctuary, and contains everything you’d think would be in there: Sports equipment, tacky furniture, old copies of Honcho Penthouse with the pages stuck together. He tells Myka to have a seat, and she delivers a classic Pete/Myka line:
“You’re not gonna make me watch Porky’s again, are you?
Actually, Pete unveils a board filled with all of the info obtained about Sykes, and provides helpful exposition for those just tuning in:
Walter Sykes, paralyzed as a child, gets his hands on the Collodi Bracelet, which allows him to walk again, but apparently turns him into the worst guy ever. The Warehouse snags it, Sykes wants it back. He makes millions in hedge funds, then ten years ago, he cashes out and apparently vanishes off the face of the Earth.
Myka wonders what kind of person would work for Sykes, especially after all of his minions have ended up dead. We then cut to Sykes addressing henchman Marcus and his newest acquisition … Steve!
Helena’s Handbasket Is Filled With Cute Cat Toys
Claudia manages to decrypt part of the Super Top Secret File, and comes up with the address of a high school in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Pete and Myka race off, hoping to find whatever is there before Sykes can get to it.
What they find is H.G. Wells, who is now named Emily Lake, and is a schoolteacher … and has a cat … and an American accent … and a dearth of dead bodies surrounding her.
It’s the creepiest thing this show has ever shown us.
Before they can figure out why H.G. has suddenly morphed into Mrs. Crabtree, Sykes sends henchman Marcus to nab her and bring her back. This leads to a knock-down, drag-out high-rise fight between Marcus and Pete, with Pete gaining the upper hand and tossing Marcus to the pavement below. Obviously a fall like that would kill anyone instantly … right?
That’s what Pete believes, until Marcus shows back up a moment later, none the worse for wear.
Pistol Packin’ Steve
Unfortunately, Marcus has a fellow henchman, and Myka and Pete are crushed to see Steve holding a Tesla gun on them. As Marcus grabs H.G./Emily, Steve blasts the warehouse pair into unconsciousness, and he and Marcus take off with the now annoying hostage.
Oh, and I’m sure this wasn’t intentional, but when Pete comes to, he does a perfect “Captain Jack back to life” gasp.
Heads or … Heads?
Pete and Myka head back and demand to know why H.G. Wells is allowed to walk around free and clear, and why she doesn’t remember who she is. Artie and Jane explain that H.G.’s memory was wiped clean and is being held in storage, and she was given a whole new identity … and accent.
This was made possible with The Janus Coin, which depicts the two-faced Roman God Janus, and which classic film lovers will instantly recognize.
The coin was placed in H.G.’s hand, wiping her consciousness and placing it in the coin. The coin was then placed in storage, and H.G. was given a new life. Sykes kidnapped H.G. because she has information vital to his plan, but he’ll need the coin to bring her memories back.
Welcome To Valu-Mart
Claudia, Pete, and Myka head off to retrieve the coin, which is being held in a Regent vault … which in a brilliant stroke, is in the storeroom of a Valu-Mart in Illinois. On the drive back after getting the coin, Pete comes up with a plan and pulls off the road. The only way to make sure that Sykes never puts the H.G. puzzle back together is to destroy the coin. Myka protests, but the holographic H.G. convinces her that it’s the only way to keep the Warehouse safe.
Pete places the coin on a boulder, and is about to smash it with a rock when … a glow takes over his body. And not a Bruce LeRoy Last Dragon glow, but an evil glow.
Marcus walks up holding Cecil B. DeMille’s riding crop, which lets users control another person’s actions. Cecil B. DeMille’s riding crop? Love it! Marcus keeps Pete from destroying the coin, and forces him to knock Myka out.
Meanwhile, Claudia grabs the coin and runs off, with Steve in pursuit.
BFF, My Ass!
Steve catches up with Claudia, and tries to convince her that there are things about the Regents she doesn’t know. Claudia calls B.S. and puts the coin in her pocket, picks up a branch, and tells Steve that if he wants the coin, he’s going to have to shoot her to get it!
We then hear two shots ring out, and see Steve arrive back and show Marcus the coin. Before they leave, Steve tells Pete, “You can either go after us, or you can help Claudia, but if you do, you’d better hurry!”
A Brief Moment Of Bliss
Myka and Pete rush off to find Claudia, fearing the worst, but they needn’t have worried. She’s fine! In fact, she’s ecstatic because she found out the truth about Steve. He’s working undercover for the Regents, and was tasked to infiltrate Sykes and find out what his final plan was. Steve was “The Plan” that Jane was talking about!
He gives Claudia a note that gives the location where Sykes can be found, and as the trio head off to capture Sykes, they rejoice about what a hero Steve is, and how he saved the day and … I have a bad feeling about this.
I knew something was terribly wrong when everyone began gushing over Steve’s heroism … and then Sykes told him, “None of this would have been possible without you,” and then when they started playing the Track & Field version of ’Running Up That Hill,” I knew Steve’s goose was cooked. But this was still a punch to the gut …
Phew. Okay. Something tragic has happened, but we need to go after Sykes. Um, …yeah.
While going through Steve’s belongings, Pete notices a lighter, and is perplexed. Steve didn’t smoke! Claudia grabs it, says, “That’s my boy,” and pulls out a memory chip. It’s a video of Steve with some valuable info – Sykes and company are headed to Hong Kong. Jane announces that it may be the break they need. Sykes may have uncovered the ANCIENT REGENT SANCTUM. Which I’m guessing is a big deal.
Now that Sykes has both Emily Lake and the coin, he combines the two and presto! H.G. Wells is back, in all her haughty glory! He’s taking her to Hong Kong, because evidently she can provide the answer to entering the ANCIENT REGENT SANCTUM.
Claudia Goes Seven Of Nine On Jane
Remember those spirited discussions Janeway and Seven would have on Star Trek: Voyager? I was reminded of that when Claudia tore into Jane for letting Steve get killed, and blaming Jane’s guilt about not getting to Sykes in time when he was a kid for everything that’s happened. How do you think Claudia would look in a silver catsuit and heels?
When Sharp, Slicey Things Happen To Cute Canadian Guys
Poor Tyler. When we first met him all he wanted to do was see some girls naked, and now he has a major Axe-cedrin headache. Pete and Myka have discovered the ANCIENT REGENT SACTUM, but Sykes and H.G. are already there, with Tyler strapped to a contraption that will slice his skull open if he’s checkmated in Chess.
See, the inventor was H.G.’s mentor, and Sykes needed her because she’s the only one who might know how to defeat the cursed Chess board, which would unlock the ANC … oh, you know the rest. Unfortunately, H.G. is rusty, and Tyler is checkmated, and gives new meaning to “hacking.”
With Tyler out of the way, Sykes forces Myka into the chair, and just when it appears that she’s going to be sliced, H.G. remembers that when it comes to Chess, “don’t you know that when you play at this level there’s no ordinary venue,” and recalls her mentor saying that if playing by the rules doesn’t work, make up new rules!
So Myka cheats, the puzzle is solved, and Sykes gets what he came for … a portal to Warehouse 13 opens up.
Be Still His Beating Heart
Meanwhile, Marcus has broken into the B&B (after shooting an artifact cannon that caused Jane’s bracelet to activate the warehouse force field), and tries to kill Leena, but it stopped by Mrs. Frederic, who recognizes him as a Baltimore cop who was killed in the line of duty.
When he approaches Mrs. Frederic, he suddenly stops in his tracks, clutches his chest, and drops to the floor. Claudia is behind him, holding the artifact metronome that Sykes has been using to keep Marcus from dying. It can be used to keep someone alive … or bring someone back from the dead. Claudia stops the metronome, which kills Marcus.
Sykes Bites It, But Leaves A Parting Gift
After lots of running around the Warehouse, getting the Collodi bracelet back, being uppercut by Jane, and generally being an ass, Sykes is killed when Jane goes back through the portal to Hong Kong, and he tries to follow, but is disintegrated when Pete cuts the portal off when he’s halfway through.
Well, that’s it! Case closed! Jane has a long plane ride ahead of her , but … wait a minute, why hasn’t the Warehouse shield been deactivated? The only reason it would remain on is if there was still a danger to the warehouse. Oh, it must be the nuclear bomb in Sykes’ wheelchair!
While everyone is trying to figure out a way to disarm the bomb, or at least get everyone out of there, Mrs. Frederic notices that Claudia is keeping that metronome very close to her. She asks for it back, and informs her that they are not allowed to use any of the artifacts.
Remember when I mentioned that one line of dialogue that would be very important? Here it is, delivered by a very pissed off and determined Claudia:
“What I know is that I’m tired of arbitrary rules. The metronome is for Steve. I’m bringing him back.”
Now that’s a BFF!
At Least She Won’t Have to Grade Papers Anymore
As the timer counts down, and all the options are exhausted, Artie, Myka and Pete resign themselves to the fact that they have seconds to live. Until H.G. finds a way to extend the Warehouse force field around them. There’s just one catch … H.G. is on the outside, and won’t be protected. Open up those pearly gates, because she’s going to be coming through at high velocity speed!
Myka and H.G. Okay, I get the subtext now.
So the Warehouse is completely obliterated. Gone! Off the map! I have just one question … what about Artie’s dog?
Ashes To Ashes
WTF? The Warehouse explosion shakes the B&B, sending debris everywhere, some of which … kills Mrs. Frederic! Wait a minute … what?
So the Warehouse has been destroyed, Mrs. Frederic and Steve are dead. What will happen next?
And what is that strange pocket watch in Artie’s hand? Does it only tell time?
Okay, before we get to the big Steve debate, I have to say that on a technical level, this was probably the best episode (or episodes) of Warehouse 13 in the series. It was fun, tense, and well-acted by all (especially Allison Scagliotti, who really had to run the gamut here).
It left a lot of unanswered questions, which I can’t wait to see resolved.
Okay, now to Steve. I know that at the end of the first part, it seemed as though Steve had become just another dead gay character, but I keep coming back to Claudia’s line about bringing Steve back.
That would be awesome for so many reasons. Right now, Steve is a Gay Warehouse Agent, but imagine the possibilities if he were to come back as a Dead Gay Warehouse Agent. Like Marcus, he would be unstoppable, and could be used in so many new and interesting ways.
There is the matter of protecting the metronome, though. The last thing he would need would be for clumsy-ass Pete to knock it over while playing strip tag … by himself.
I’m going to look on the positive side. This was a terrific cliffhanger, and definitely left us wanting more. And as Steve said, I’m going to “Keep the faith” that something special will happen when the show comes back next year.
Okay, what did you think?