25 Life Lessons From The Unbreakable Titus Andromedon

But I already did something today!

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt’s second season drops tomorrow, when we’ll be reunited with our favorite bald-by-choice, Peeno Noir-loving, wannabe Broadway baby, Titus Andromedon.

crushing it

It’s surprising Emmy-nominee Tituss Burgess has eluded capture by the authorities, considering how many scenes he’s stolen. But then where would we be without his singular wit and wisdom?

Below, 25 important life lessons taught by the physical embodiment of #LIFEGOALS Titus Andromedon.

  1. Realize the value of hard work.

    i already did something today
  2. Know your own strength.

    beef jerky in a ball gown
  3. Be confident.

    world is your oyster
  4. And realize humility is for suckers.

  5. Know what matters most in life.

    and an attitude
  6. Get your financial life.

    available balance
  7. Never miss an opportunity to quench your thirst.

    thirst quencher
  8. You can find love on Grindr.

    real deep feelings for torso
  9. Be out and proud.

    gay as i want to be
  10. Plan for the future.

    planning a seduction
  11. The D ain’t everything…

    need dong
  12. But sometimes, it totally is.

  13. Be critical of the media.

    i trusted you tv
  14. A dramatic exit is the only exit worth making.

    bye felicia
  15. Truth hurts.

  16. Calls ’em like you sees ’em.

    that boys gay
  17. Don’t be afraid to break a sweat.

    werqing on his fitness
  18. Brunch is an acceptable form of payment.

    gay-straight pact
  19. It’s going to be really hard to make America great again.

    fix america with a bat
  20. Be your harshest critic.

    i was amazing
  21. Live in your own truth.

    i am as god made me
  22. It actually does get better.

    high school experience
  23. Beauty is fleeting…

    pretty young thing
  24. But sluts are forever.

    baby slut
  25. Fame ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

GIFs: Les Fabian Brathwaite

Lester Fabian Brathwaite is an LA-based writer, editor, bon vivant, and all-around sassbag. He's formerly Senior Editor of Out Magazine and is currently hungry. Insta: @lefabrat