You can’t buy the kind of publicity Playgirl magazine has received for getting Levi Johnston to pose naked.
Well, actually, I guess you can. What did the magazine pay the ex-future-second-son-in-law anyway? Given all the ink and pixels that have been spilled over this, it was pretty good deal for Playgirl, especially since the word now is that he didn’t even do the whole lumberjack.
Not surprisingly, the magazine is said to be eagerly looking for other famous folks willing to disrobe.
We have some suggestions.
But let’s face it: Jake Gyllenhaal and Chris Evans are never going to pose naked for Playgirl. The same goes for virtually every other person on our annual Hot 100 list. These folks are at the very peak of their careers, and they need neither the money nor the, uh, exposure.
That said, there are plenty of other familiar faces (and bodies) that the magazine could approach that would be well worth seeing: has-beens, never-weres, and other lower-level celebrities that are still very, very hot.
So here’s our list of the men who might actually entertain the possibility of posing naked that we’d like to in Playgirl next:
Why He Might Do It: He made a big splash in Desperate Housewives … in 2004. And, well, the anticipated movie career never really took off, did it?
What He Might Cost: Not that much. Wait a year, and it’ll be even less.
Odds He Might Actually Do It: 1 in 5.
Survivor: Cook Island’s Yul Kwon
Why He Might Do it: Reality show celebrity is a very peculiar kind of fame: the whole world knows who you are and celebrates your every move. Then, two years later, you’re a question on Jeopardy … that no one gets correct. And that’s really true when it comes to Survivor winners not named Richard Hatch.
What He Might Cost: A million dollars — which he will then donate to some bone marrow charity. Yes, he’s apparently just that nice.
Odds He Might Actually Do It: 1 in 50.
The Hot Nephew of George Bush (George P. Bush)
Why He Might Do It: Everyone needs money, especially in this never-ending Bush Recession.
What It Might Cost: A lot. Word is the family has cash.
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: 1 in 500.
The Men of Saved by the Bell
Why They Might Do It: Playgirl has already made the offer to Mario Lopez (who turned them down, damn him!). So that leaves Mark-Paul Gosselaar, the guy who played "Screech," and Mr. Belding, the school principal.
What They Might Cost: Gosselaar can probably be had cheap and Dustin Diamond already released his own sex tape, but word is that Dennis Haskins, who played Mr. Belding, would be a hard sell. After all, principals have principles, right?
Odds They’ll Actually Do It: Without Lopez, I’m not sure I care.
Why He Might Do It: He won’t, but a guy can dream, can’t he? On the other hand, his brother likes to show skin. Might that not run in the family?
What It Might Cost: Much more than Playgirl can afford! But maybe if we all emptied our piggie banks?
Odds He’ll Actually Do it: Zilch, alas.
Various Former Action/Adventure TV Stars
Relic Hunter’s Christien Anholt, Hercules: The Legendary Journey’s Kevin Sorbo, and Beastmaster’s Daniel Goddard and Jackson Raine
Why They Might Do It: Most of these guys were half-naked in
their shows anyway. And for the record, I’m not just talking about the
Beastmaster guy — Jackson Raine, the guy who played his adorkable side-kick, is pretty hot too.
What They Might Cost: In some cases, they might actually pay Playgirl.
Odds They Might Actually Do it: Extremely high.
Po Bronson or Peter Beinart
Why They Might Do It: Writers are always complaining that they never get any media attention. And hottie writers such as former New Republic editor Peter Beinart and Wired wunderkind Po Bronson could certainly get attention by dropping trou.
What It Might Cost: Writers will sell out at the drop of a hat. They have no integrity at all. Trust me on this, I know of which I speak.
Odds They’ll Actually Do It: 1 in 1000. As hot as I think Beinart is, I suspect he knows posing in Playgirl would get him booked on CNN for all the wrong reasons.
Why He Might Do It: See Metcalfe, Jesse.
What It Might Cost: Leto doesn’t need much — he’s saved a bundle over the years not having to buy shampoo, razor blades, or soap.
Odds He Actually Do It: 1 in 3. Better still, he won’t remember it when it’s done.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s Kyan Douglas
Why He Might Do It: Like Paul McCartney was the "cute" Beatle, Kyan was the "cute" Queer Eye guy. And he hasn’t exactly been grabbing headlines lately.
What It Might Cost: Just a plug of his line of skin-care products.
Odds He Might Actually Do It: I actually don’t care. Personally, I always thought Ted was hottest Queer Eye guy anyway.
American Beauty’s Wes Bentley
Why He Might Do It: Oh, poor Wes Bentley! He was the "it" actor for all of five minutes. He didn’t even get his full 15 minutes of fame!
What It Might Cost: Having him pose naked for Playgirl would be like the horrible scene in Fame where that evil producer gets Irene Cara to take off her clothes.
Odds He Might Actually Do It: He won’t! And stop asking! Can’t we all just leave poor Wes alone?!
Why He Might Do It: Let’s face it: he’s not even close to redeeming himself in the eyes of, well, anyone. Taking off his clothes just might be what it takes to look vulnerable in the eyes of women everywhere.
What It Might Cost: It’s not about the money.
Odds He Might Actually Do It: Honestly, you really think I’m going to try to predict anything about Chris Brown?
Why He Might Do It: Again, he won’t. Still just dreaming.
What It Might Cost: Still dreaming.
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: Hey, why’d you wake me up?! I was having the hottest dream about Andy Roddick!
Casper Van Dien
Why He Might Do It: I actually think he already did do it, only nobody cared.
What It Might Cost: Why am I so protective of poor Wes Bentley, but I don’t give a damn about Casper Van Dien?
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: I think it’s the whole bland, "plastic" thing Casper has going on. Doesn’t work for me at all. Still, he was perfectly cast in Starship Troopers!
Dancing with the Stars’ Mark Ballas
Why He Might Do It: After the whole "erection" incident with Shawn Johnson earlier this year, it’s not really possible to be any more embarrassed. So why not make his erection work for him?
What It Might Cost: A pretty penny, but apparently worth it.
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: Not just yet, but soon if the ratings for Dancing with the Stars keep sliding.
Why He Might Do It: Do you know anything at all about the Arquette family?
What It Might Cost: Again, it’s not about the money. The man is married to Courtney Cox — do you have any idea how much she’s worth?!
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: Low, but a sex tape is a definitely possibility.
The Mummy’s Oded Fehr
Why He Might Do It: He’s probably too classy.
What It Might Cost: A sacred treasure.
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: Low, but he did do the TV movie Scooby Doo! in Where’s My Mummy!, so clearly he doesn’t have that much dignity.
Why He Might Do It: Really? Keanu Reeves? Which AfterElton.com staff member suggested Keanu Reeves?! Someone sure didn’t get the memo of what this article is supposed to be all about!
What It Might Cost: What does he get, $20 million a movie? So … what? $50 million?
Odds He’ll Actually Do It: Keanu Reeves. Yeah, right. Sheesh, can you believe the people I have to work with here?
So who did we miss? Feel free to make your own suggestions in the comments!