30 Best ’30 Rock’ Lines

Blerg.

30 Rock ends tonight, and I know I’ll be fogging up my glasses and crying into my sandwich while Liz Lemon, Jack Donaghy, Jenna, Tracy, and Kenneth all take their final bows. Beyond being the impetus that legions of sensible yet non-sensical glasses-wearing brunettes used to pursue their dreams of working in comedy and television, 30 Rock will be remembered for unleashing an army of amazing quotes into cultural conversation. Here’s our top 30.

1. Tracy: So, here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it’s Shark Week.

2. Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.

3. Liz:Why are you wearing a tux?
Jack: It’s after six. What am I, a farmer?

4. Jenna:That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks?

5. Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don’t want my kids to have to go to college.

6. Tracy: So what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

7. Kenneth:I like your top. I’m a real good sex person. I do it all the different ways.

8. Jack: Never go with a hippie to a second location.

9. Tracy: Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon; have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?

10. Liz: I’m 37, please don’t make me go to Brooklyn.

11. Jack: Lemon, what happened? Did you take an Ambien with your Franzia and sleepwalk here?

12. Kenneth: Oh no Sir, I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name.
Jack: That’s Republican. We count those.

13. Liz: Hey, nerds! Who’s got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and hasn’t cried once today? [pointing both thumbs at herself] This moi.

14. Tracy: Jenna, we’re the most important people here, right?
Jenna: Well, of course, Tracy. We’re actors. If we didn’t exist how would people know who to vote for?

15. Jack: I’ve spent the better part of the last 3 years developing a portable, miniature microwave oven. Most of that time has been spent coming up with a hip, edgy name for the product, something that will appeal to the marketing Holy Trinity – college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals.

16. Jenna: Oh I can play dead; I watched my whole church group get eaten by a bear.

17. Liz: Alright, Cheesy Blasters! [sings] You take a hotdog, stuff it with some jack cheese, fold it in a pizza – You got Cheesy Blasters! [spoken] And then all the kids say “Thanks, Meat Cat!” and Meat Cat flies away on his, um, skate board.

18. Frank: Tracy, did you hear? Fred Dawkins, the incredibly overweight guy Pac-man was based off of, died.
Tracy: I will eat a bowl of cherries and some ghost meat in his honor.

19. Jack: Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?

20. Jack: What have children ever done for us?
Kenneth: Well, they make our shoes and wallets.

21. Jack: Weird… in a good way. Like going to the gym drunk.

22. Liz: Just embrace the fact that you are lucky enough to be a happily married man. I mean, I’m actually jealous of you. You’ve got stability, a great marriage, devoted kids. You know what I have? A Simsfamily that keeps getting murdered.

23. Jenna: Although I’m great at this, I’m really not necessary. Hmmm, the last time I said that I was in a three-way with two Backstreet Boys.

24. Tracy:I’m embarrassed to say I’ve missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.
Dotcom: “Cooking a French bread pizza” and “forgot”.

25. Jack: Diversity is the engine that drives this country. We are an immigrant nation! The first generation works their fingers to the bone making things, the next generation goes to college and innovates new ideas, the third generation… snowboards and takes improv classes.

26. Kenneth: Also, your pharmacy called, and apparently you can’t get a prescription for ecstasy.
Jenna: Ugh, thanks, Obamacare!

27. Liz: Maybe I’m a little old-fashioned. I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.

28. Liz: Well, you were right about Brooklyn Without Limits: crunchy on the outside, right wing nutjob on the inside.
Jack: Like Ann Coulter’’s underwear.

29. Liz: For instance, Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck. I thought it looked nice, but he, rightly, pointed out that it made me look like a giant condom.

30. Liz: I’ve just had a hard couple of months. Work has been crazy, and I went through a bad break up, and then there was this plastic bag that represented my death.
Dr. Spaceman: Sounds like you can use a little R&R. Rum and Ritalin.

We hope Tina and the rest of the 30 Rock cast get their fair shares of R&R. Thanks for the amazingness all- we <3 you!

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