Don’t know who the hell Peeta is? You will soon if, like me, your friends finally sit you down and force you to read “The Hunger Games.” Oh, I fought against it, but in the end I was no match for major Hunger-heads like champion recapper Margaret Bristol. The basic gist is that he’s a cutie patootie who is heroine Katniss Everdeen’s Edward, while sexy mountain man Gale is her Jacob. Peeta is the hottest, sweetest dude in the arena, and he’s only got eyes for Katniss. But let’s pretend, just for the hell of it, that Katniss accidentally eats poisoned berries or gets stung to death by genetically modified bees or something (hey, in the arena, anything can happen). Would he be a great boyfriend for you? The answer is obviously yes. And here are five reasons why.
1. He’ll bake for you.
Evidence: It’s his family trade.
We can’t be sure whether Peeta can roast a chicken or make a teriyaki stir-fry, but we know he can bake the hell out of some bread. His Pops is the town baker, and Peeta’s grown up covered in flour and dry yeast. Anyhoo, expect giant heart-shaped loaves of bread on Valentine’s Day and a full-scale red velvet frosted replica of your head for your bday.
2. He’ll respect your relationship with your family.
Evidence: Like father, like son.
Peeta’s dad is a baker. Peeta’s a baker. Peeta’s dad was in love with Momma Everdeen. Peeta is in love with Katniss Everdeen. Peeta’s dad is a good dude. Peeta is a good dude. It’s a fair guess that with Peeta’s obvious love for his father, he’ll understand your attachment to your own parents. Therefore, doing alternate Thanksgivings at each other’s parents’ homes shouldn’t be a problem.
3. He knows how to make himself scarce when you need alone time.
Evidence: He’s the champion mud camoflauger of the Hunger Games.
Peeta’s artistic abilities aren’t limited to the kitchen. In fact, he can get quite creative with something as simple as a muddy pile of earth. He manages to disguise himself during the Hunger Games by burying himself in mud by a streambed, fooling even the eagle-eyed Katniss, who practically stands on him before she discovers him. You think it’d be trouble to get him to give you some space when you’re in a bad mood? Hail no. The boy can vanish into the sofa while you have all your feelings.
4. He’s a long-term loyalist.
Evidence: He falls in love with Katniss on the first day of kindergarten.
I mean, talk about loyalty. Surely there are other hotties in District 12 who may have caught Peeta’s eye, like the Mayor’s comely daughter. But whoa no, he’s got eyes for nobody but the gal with the long straight braid and the quiver of arrows. Once this man decides he loves you, he’s yours for life.
5. He’s tough.
Evidence: He kills at least one of his competitors in the Hunger Games.
When it comes time to finish off one of the girls from a competing district, the ginormous Careers aren’t the ones to do it; it’s Peeta. Creepy? Sure, but them’s the breaks inside the arena. Peeta’s tough as hell beneath that sugary-sweet veneer. If he needs to kick somebody’s ass on your behalf, there’s a great chance he’ll deliver.