For a few brief moments on Sunday, Brad Pitt was dead. He’d been snowboarding in the Swiss Alps and finally, his long hair just up and killed him. Just like that. Kidding. Actually, a nasty accident allegedly did the trick. But, turns out the whole thing was a hoax. Funny. NOT. Phew. So, Brad. Please. The world is ugly and we can’t fathom it without you. Besides, when Angelina cries, angels die. So…forget that Matterhorn and all that live-life-on-the-edge stuff you can do in the Alps. Here’s 7 safe, but still fun, things you can do instead.
1—The Chillon Castle
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A 1000 year old castle from the House of Savoy on the pristine shores of Lake Geneva seems fit for the King of American Royalty.
2—The Rhine Falls
Men and waterfalls. Something just works about that. This one is the largest plain waterfall in all of Europe.
3—Heldenbar
An awesome gay but straight friendly club in Zurich with an outdoor patio. We’ll take care of you Brad!
4—Victoria-Jungfrau Grand Hotel & Spa
There’s absolutely no reason to ever leave this 5 star hotel with one of the most gorgeous and loved spas in the country. Some lucky Swiss person will get to rub you down as you stare at the stunning Jungfrau Massif off in the distance.
5—Vals Thermal Baths
Or head to the quaint town of Vals where you can chill in some lovely all natural thermal baths. The Rock Spa was built by starchitect Peter Zumthor out of dark quartzite.
6—Maison Cailler
Bounce over to Broc Gruyere in the countryside on something called the Swiss Chocolate train to where they practically discovered milk chocolate. You can eat your way through the classes they give on how to make truffles and then walk it off as you walk around marveling the beautiful scenery.
7—Valle Maggia
There’s a lot of outdoorsy and dangerous things to do in Valle Maggia but its also home to one of the most gay looking churches on Earth—”Mongo” Mountain Church. We’re feeling a Janet Jackson video needs to happen here. Maybe starring Brad Pitt?
Matt Bell is a New York based travel and style writer who contributes regularly to Esquire.com and Essential Homme Magazine. He has also written for Out.com, Next Magazine, American Spa Magazine and was the Senior Editor for Genre Magazine.
Related: Brad Pitt’s Mom Against Gay Marriage?
