In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’d like to request that Adele dump her boyfriend. Or even better, that he dump her.
Before you all get up in arms, hear us out. We, of course, would never wish heartache on Adele for any reason. Nor do we want her to be in pain … for too long. But the period around V-Day results in a 40% increase in divorce/splits and we need songs we can sing to while using up a box of tissues.
All Adele has to do is temporarily split with her new adorable boyfriend Simon Konecki for a few days. Just enough time for her to write another album. Then, we’ll allow her to get back together with him! Or maybe they could just have a teensy weensy fight. “Take It All” was written during a fight with her ex while they were still dating and the entire rest of the album was written directly following their split. And look where she is now!
Adele told Vogue she’s “never” writing another breakup record again and that she’s “done being a bitter witch.”
We’d never call you a bitter witch. Your breakup album resulted in six Grammy wins yesterday. And more importantly, it gives us a soundtrack to listen to when we’re drunk dialing our exes and sobbing.
Think of your fans Adele. Don’t be so selfish.
Adele: One and Only [Vogue]