Well hello there! Welcome to this week’s installment of The AE Movie Club, the most eclectic collection of eccentric characters since Wadsworth poured after-dinner drinks in the study. (“Not the cognac – just in case!”)
I’m a very bad club president (self-appointed), because I didn’t see a single one of the movies opening this week. Forty lashes with a wet Twizzler for me. But never fear! There’s still plenty of cinematic fat to chew.
For starters, I’ve got a new Fast Five celebrating romance in honor of today’s release of The Vow. I’ve got a great report from a recent Rocky Horror revival where star Barry Bostwick got more into character than expected (it’s seriously awesome), as well as some seriously Vintage Beefcake courtesy of a studly leading man of days past.
It Came From Instant Queue questions Netflix’s recommendation algorithm, The Iron Lady gets the Limerick Review treatment, and this week’s Movie Confessional is literally in the toilet.
5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … 1 …START!
Fast Five: Romance in My Pants
Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum in The Sweaters Vow
This weekend yet another syrup-soaked Nicholas Sparks adaptation makes its way to screens, with Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams in tow. I can’t say that I for one will be seeing The Vow, but that doesn’t mean that I’m completely immune to Cupid’s sizzle reel. So I thought this week’s Fast Five should be all about our favorite romances. Here are mine…
Tom Cullen and Chris New in Weekend
I’ll admit, this is one of my favorite movies PERIOD, so maybe I’m giving unfair license to what is one of the most spectacularly disturbed romances in cinematic history. What’s better than watching Jimmy Stewart fall in love with a haunted Kim Novak? Watching him fall in love with her again! Seriously, if you ignore the deaths and double-crossing, Vertigo’s reset button might make it the most romantically optimistic movie ever made.
4. Jane Eyre
I adored last year’s anguished and epic big-screen adaptation of Eyre starring Mia Whatsernameska (sorry, couldn’t help it – it’s Wasikowska and she’s fabulous) and Michael Fassbender. I have to admit that I’ve never read the book, so I was genuinely, pleasantly surprised when things turned out the way they did. Bonus: Crazy lady in the attic!!
I’m a sucker for a good treasure hunt, so Audrey Tatou’s saucer-eyed, sociopathic cutie-pie and her bizarrely intricate quest to land Mathieu Kassovitz was music to my eyes. Bonus: Matthieu Kassovitz is, as the French say, “j’adorable”.
This gay romance is a wonderfully restrained and deeply affecting portrait of two men whose shared experience is brief but very profound. It gives us a glimpse of the ways that we can do kindness to even complete strangers. So beautiful.
1. West Side Story
Sure, it’s got worse lip syncing than the Madonna halftime show. Sure, it has the advantage of being based on one of the greatest love stories ever written. And sure, there’s the whole matter of the Dream Ballet. But something about this raucous, stylized, fingerpop-filled opera gets me every time.
So those are MY favorite romances, although there are or course many more great ones out there. What are your favorite sloppy kisses?
Barry Bostwick: Sweet Transvestite
I got an email the other day that I just had to share with y’all from filmmaker and drag impresario Joshua Grannell, aka Peaches Christ. Folks from the Bay Area are likely familiar with Christ and her Midnight Mass series, but for those of you who aren’t, this long-running cult movie drag extravaganza is a singing, dancing, open-sored love letter to the best and worst of film. As host Peaches, Grannell (who also wrote and directed last year’s wickedly enjoyable horror-comedy All About Evil) celebrates everything from the Child’s Play films to Showgirls to Pink Flamingos to The Shining.
Recently Peaches and Co. hosted a boisterous tribute to The Rocky Horror Picture Show featuring none other than Barry Bostwick, who of course starred in the film as the lovably square Brad Majors. And it appears that … well, I’ll just let Grannell’s press release speak for itself:
“Mr. Bostwick excused himself moments before the show began and everyone was a bit concerned when it was getting time for Peaches to introduce him – he was still locked in a bathroom. Peaches had no idea that Barry was about to appear in full Rocky finale stage-show drag until “Ms. Bostwick” appeared onstage, stumbling in his high heels, and flailing around, flipping the boa around his neck. The audience shot up out of their seats and gave him a standing ovation! The 67-year-old actor still has impressive legs and when he laid on the stage and did the iconic leg-stretch from the movie, you’d have thought the audience was going to start a riot. The screams were overwhelming!”
Barry Bostwick: Still Got It! (w/ Peaches Christ)
Mister Bostwick said, “I haven’t worn drag in 37 years. The last time was for shooting The Rocky Horror Picture Show. This is the first time since then… and the last.”
I say it’s a shame to hide those gorgeous gams from the world, but Mr. Bostwick – I think you have done more than your part. Cheers to you!
Trailer Park: Red Lights and The Amazing Spider Man
Okay, I don’t know what the hell is up with the new film Red Lights, but it might be the most aggressively cast paranormal drama since the stinkbomb that was Clint Eastwood’s Hereafter. It’s got Robert De Niro, Sigourney Weaver, Elizabeth Olsen, Cillian Murphy, and even a little Joely Richardson and Toby Jones thrown in for good measure.
Here, check it out:
I actually enjoyed writer/director Rodrigo Cortes’ last film, Buried, but then again I’d get locked in a box with Ryan Reynolds for 80 minutes any day of the week. I’d even pay for it. (Seriously, call me. We’ll work something out.)
We’ve also got The Amazing Spider Man to discuss in all its jumpsuited glory. Take a peep:
Okay, I’m game. I loved the first two Sam Raimi Spider Mans, but I’m totally buying what they’re selling here. Andrew Garfield was fantastic in Red Riding and The Social Network, and Emma Stone can do no wrong, so what’s not to love?
It Came from Instant Queue: Recommendations for YOU
This isn’t an actual movie suggestion, but more of a question about exactly what the fairies who make the Netflix Recommends picks are snorting. When I headed over to refresh my memory of romance movies for the Fast Five, I was a little surprised to stumble upon this recommendation logic:
Sure – the fact that I enjoyed an impenetrably complex, wincingly violent global political thriller TOTES means that I’ll be all up in some frilly-cuffed Merchant and Ivory staircase-swooning. Whaaah?
I also loved learning from Netflix a while back that, based on my taste in films, I enjoy “Violent Thrillers with a Strong Female Lead.” Don’t mind if I do!
Has Netflix ever recommended anything odd to you?
Vintage Beefcake! John Gavin in Spartacus
The first time I ever saw Psycho, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. Not at the murders, mind you, but at the sight of the gorgeous John Gavin shirtless in the opening scene. Sam Loomis, I could chip a tooth on you.
So this week I’m bringing you some stills of a full-color Gavin in the near-buff from the classic Spartacus. Gavin played Julius Caesar (um … really? OK…), but I think most of us were focusing on anything but his political acumen. Enjoy!
With Sir Laurence Olivier
So what if the Mexican-Irish stud wasn’t the most charismatic actor and was good friends with Ronald Reagan. Just look at those lips!
Confessional: What Movie Title Best Describes Your Last BM?
Last week the Clubbers opened their Trapper Keepers to unleash an avalanche of vintage Hollywood crushes ranging from Sean Astin to Tab Hunter to Tarzans both animated and animal. This week I thought I’d change gears entirely by reviving a game that I learned from my best pal Dennis (not Mr. Ayers, love him though I do!). The game is easy: Simply pick the movie title that best describes your last bowel movement. It’s okay if it ain’t pretty – we’re all friends here. And I apologize if you’re not into toilet humor, but as an unnamed supporting character once remarked to Tori Spelling in Trick: “Sh*t’s funny.”
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
So that’s my confession – and I feel lighter already. Who wants to join me in the closet to pinch out some cinematic shame?
This Week’s Poster Children…
This week I’ve got two character posters for the upcoming Snow White abortion adaptation Mirror, Mirror. Can’t we all just rewatch episodes of The Charmings and be done with it?
Anyway, here’s Army Hammer as The Prince:
Is it just me or are the two halves of his face not lining up right? Is it supposed to look like that? Maybe all that lousy old-age makeup in J. Edgar permanently damaged his lovely little puss.
Anyway, here’s Nathan Lane as … Idunno, someone froofy and sass-happy, if I had to guess:
Limerick Review: The Iron Lady
Oscar buzz continues to mount for the glorious Meryl Streep – but the film she anchors could have been better, IMHO:
The Lady of Iron was hurt
That the world couldn’t see past the skirt
Meryl’s far from absurd
As the dotty old bird
But the film itself needs Life Alert.
Meryl Streep as The Iron Lady
Quote of the Week
First off, a hot coffee with extra Skinny & Sweet to David in VA for being the first person to identify last week’s quote as being from the classic Nine to Five (I know this technically isn’t a contest, but I just love giving kudos). Can you name the movie from which this line was taken?
“You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.”
Check our next installment for the answer, or hop on over to our Facebook page and enter the AE Clubhouse to get the answer now!
And that’s all for this week! Suggestions? Feedback? Complaints? Sound off in the comments!