Alaska Thvnderfvck’s ascent on season five of RuPaul’s Drag Race has been subtle and damn hilarious. She began by almost botching the aquarium modeling challenge, and since then she’s soared through mini-challenges and runway presentations with killer drollness and an ever-cheeky exclamation of “Hieeeeeee!” I’m perfectly fine with the prospect of Alaska winning season five, especially since it means she and beau Sharon Needles can reign over the show like a spooky-ass Albert and Victoria.
Since last night’s episode of Drag Race was just a recap episode, let’s revisit Alaska’s five greatest moments in the competition, ranked fifth to first.
5. The unladylike Lady Bunny portrayal on “Snatch Game”
“Snatch Game” was a sizable triumph for Alaska, even though her portrayal of Lady Bunny wasn’t vocally on the money. The important thing was that Alaska delivered every line with hilarious urgency and gigantic blinks of those mascara-slathered eyes. You didn’t have to be Taylor Swift (played here by Jade Jolie) to be scandalized by Alaska’s retort, “Well, Julie, I just wrote ’anus.'”
4. Pitch-perfect puppetry
In one magnificent mini challenge, Alaska was assigned the task of mocking Roxxxy with the help of a sock puppet. Not only was she hysterical, but the puppet-aided spectacle was one of the first times on the show we’d ever seen Roxxxy successfully torn to shreds. God, we needed that. Puppet Roxxxy wore a wig under her wig, and a tear-away cape under a tear-away cape. I particularly adored Alaska’s frenetic imitation of the way Roxxxy calls out, “Where my people at?”
3. You’d need a backhoe to scoop up all this Executive Realness
The second-to-last runway challenge was a wonderful monster. In addition to memorizing a candy-themed dance routine, the girls had to strut down the catwalk representing three different drag categories: My Super Sweet 16, Candy Couture, and Executive Realness. Alaska nailed all three categories and won the challenge, but her finest moment was during the Executive Realness portion when she stormed out wearing a construction hat, unfurled a blueprint, and pointed a damning finger like a tyrannical boss lady. Alaska herself described the character best. “This woman takes her job very seriously. She’s coming to visit the construction site and by God, there better not be any bullsh*t.” Agnes Moorehead in Suze Orman drag. Magnifique.
2. The finest fragrance is the filthiest.
In her proudest win of the season, Alaska utterly murdered the fragrance commercial challenge. Her commercial for “Red… for Filth” perfume included such gems as “Are you red-y for me?” and enough twirling to stun Anna Pavlova. There was also blatant oral sex innuendo, mad face-giving skills, and ridiculous glamor. I’d splash it on right now if I could.
1. TLC brings you “Here Comes Lil Pound Cake”
Here it is, the most hilarious moment of the season and also the most unexpectedly raunchy. After dressing up a mannequin to resemble a junior queen (with partner Lineysha Sparx), Alaska introduced her angry-ass creation as “Lil Pound Cake,” a young girl who smirks like an average great-grandmother. The narration was unforgettable: “Her catchphrase is ’You’re not my real dad and you never will be,” Alaska began. “Lil Pound Cake enjoys ridin’ dirty and bein’ a straight-up motherf*ckin’ dick pig.” Now that’s a candidate who deserves a sash.
What are your favorite Alaska moments?