We here at NewNowNext are not big on conspiracy theories, as we always bring you the most accurate and factual stories: journalism of the highest degree, really. But the most recent chapter in the Amanda Bynes/Lindsay Lohan saga (in case you weren’t aware, LILO apparently hit some guy in Manhattan last night, got the hell out of dodge and was later arrested) has got us thinking. Are there other players at hand here? And how is Amanda possibly involved?
Lindsay is jealous of all the support Amanda is getting, so she staged the whole thing: You, know, word on the street is that the person she hit was a chef. And, while Ms. Lohan hasn’t been working of late, there was probably a time in her life when she could have afforded a personal cook. And I am sure she could have just flashed her boobs at the NYPD to get them to play along. So just like Roxy fakes a pregnancy to outshine the new murderess in Chicago (yes, we just made a Chicago reference – deal with it), Lohan set up the whole thing to show that sweet as pie Nick star who is the HBIC.
Amanda Bynes paid off the chef to jump in front of Lilo’s car to get back at her: So, scratch that “sweet as pie” comment. What if Bynes is actually a crazy person who was so pissed off by Lindsay’s trash talking that she hired a Hollywood stunt man to pose as a chef and jump in front of Lindsay’s speeding car in Chelsea at 12:30 in the morning just to get back at her? We think this is totally feasible and terribly probable. Oh, Amanda, you really aren’t all that!
Ali Lohan is tired of Lindsay’s attention: Okay. Go with us here. The driver of the car wasn’t Lindsay at all. It was Ali in a wig! The Disney star’s little sister cracked and went all Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son on her big sis! She stole her Porsche, drank a gallon of red wine and put the pedal to the metal on the mean streets of Chelsea just to one up that monster sister who has one upped her since she was in diapers. Just you wait. Any second now, she’s going to pull that wig off and shock the world. Any second now.
So there you have it. Three water tight theories that put all that JFK Lone Gunman stuff to shame! Stay tuned to see how Amandahangate unfolds.