“The Amazing Race” Recap – “We Just Ate That For No Reason!”

Previously on The Amazing Race, nine teams of two, four with existing relationships and five newly-met, raced from Nagano to Phuket. The men got in touch with their feminine sides performing as ladyboys and Jonathan & Harley, despite having the cutest Date Night ever, checked in last at the Pit Stop. They were spared from Philimination but were tasked with a Speed Bump in the next Leg.

To address a bit of unfinished business from last week, the Amazing Ranking: Come on, gay Date Night and ladyboys? In what universe does that Leg not earn a perfect Five Phlying Phils?

fivephils

Romance Update: Matt & Ashley are now engaged and celebrated with the Date Night donated by Bergen & Kurt. Jeff & Jackie are still super into each other. Laura & Tyler remain a possible couple although she believes it needs to develop organically. Blair & Hayley and Bergen & Kurt? Have had it. Officially. Bergen worries that since Kurt comes from a moneyed background that the foreclosure of romantic possibilities means that Kurt might check out of the Race as well.

Mike & Rochelle rip their clue first at 3:26 AM and are instructed to fly from Phuket to Bangkok and find their next clue at Wat Yannawa temple. They are followed by Blair & Hayley at 3:51, Jelani & Jenny at 3:52, Laura & Tyler at 3:54, Aly & Steve at 3L58, Matt & Ashley at 4:01, Bergen & Kurt at 4:02, Jeff & Jackie at 4:03 and finally Harley & Jonathan at 7:01, which means they made up a hell of a lot of time.

Everyone except Team NewKid catch a 6:00 AM flight and at the airport in Bangkok Jeff & Jackie snake a taxi out from under Jelani & Jenny. Jenny, who looks like she took some makeup tips from the ladyboys to heart, is pissed about it but refuses to spend five minutes arguing with the other team about it. Instead she spends the entire cab ride bitching at her partner.

Laura & Tyler are the first to the temple and run up a flight of stairs to rip their clue to the Detour. It’s a choice between Water and Wheel. In Water, teams take a water taxi, stopping first at a market where they must each eat a 1,000 year-old egg and then at a Buddhist temple where they must participate in a traditional prayer. In Wheel, teams travel by tuk-tuk to a snooker hall where they must sink one red ball, then to the Caturday Café where they must feed the resident cats a bottle of milk.

Blair & Hayley arrive next and spend a lot of time bickering about who’s leading whom and generally missing the clue. This allows Laura & Tyler, Matt & Ashley, Jeff & Jackie, Mike & Rochelle, Aly & Steve and Bergen & Kurt to rip their clues and pull ahead. They all decide to do Water. Team Bickerson finally finds the clue and also chooses Water but there are only five water taxis available and as team number six they are forced to do Wheel instead, as are Jeff & Jackie. Jelani & Jenny find the clue and perforce do Wheel.

Laura & Tyler are the first to the market and choke down their eggs, Laura coming close to hurling because of Tyler’s vivid descriptions of the flavor.

gaggingGagging on the el-egg-anza!

They are off to the temple. Matt & Ashley arrive next but run up to the first egg vendor they see, eating an entirely wrong egg. “We just ate that for no reason!” cries a distressed Matt. Bergen & Kurt arrive shortly thereafter but figure out that the very first booth is probably not the right booth. They smartly move on, recognizing that if Matt & Ashley get a clue they can circle back. Consequently Bergen & Kurt get their egg and their clue first. Aly & Steve arrive just as Matt & Ashley leave and scarf their eggs. Mike & Rochelle force them down next. Each team makes its way to the temple and perform the prayer. At the conclusion they receive a fortune. Bergen & Kurt’s are shockingly on point: “Not likely to find a good mate at this time” and something about being careful about looking for one.

Jeff & Jackie and Blair & Hayley arrive at the snooker hall together and each team sinks a ball at about the same time. They each get a bottle of milk directing them to the café. Jelani & Jenny argue their way to the hall and eventually sink theirs as well. Jenny anticipates some trouble because she is terribly afraid of cats. And there are some damn shady cats hanging out at that café too.

Upon completing the Detour teams receive clues directing them to Patumwan Siang Gong. There they receive their next clue, the Roadblock: “Who’s feeling clutch?”

clutchTAR, stop trying to make “clutch” happen.

One member of each team needs to disassemble a car motor to find a screwdriver that was “accidentally left behind by a rookie mechanic”. In the handle of each screwdriver is a banner reading METAL CASTLE. This is their clue to find the Pit Stop at Loha Prasat, yet another Buddhist temple. The last team to check in there “may” be Philiminated.

Tyler, Steve, Bergen, Blair, Matt, Jelani and Rochelle take the Roadblock for their respective teams. It seems like everybody has at least one relative who was an auto mechanic and no one seems to have a great deal of trouble once they figure out how to work the tools but Rochelle absolutely crushes it. Bergen pries the top of his screwdriver off with his teeth, horrifying the American Dental Association.

105751_13642

Jelani works his ratchet

Several teams have trouble either with directions or transportation while Phil waits with a masked greeter.

greeter

The check-in order fluctuates several times before Bergen & Kurt check in at the Amazing Mat in first place. They win a trip for two to Mexico which I am sure will not be at all awkward. Bergen is gratified that Kurt is still in it to win it. Blair & Hayley argue their way into a 2nd place finish with Aly & Steve arriving 3rd. Laura & Tyler are team number four and are annoyed with themselves for blowing the lead they had coming off the Roadblock. Jeff & Jackie finish 5th with Mike & Rochelle taking 6th.

Matt & Ashley and Jelani & Jenny are having a terrible time trying to find the Pit Stop on foot and enter into this weird little mini-alliance to find it. Almost immediately Jenny suggests ditching them in a cab and Jelani yells out to them that they should get a cab. Team Legal flags down a tuk-tuk and ditches Matt & Ashley who take it as a betrayal. Jelani & Jenny finish 7th and Matt & Ashley check in as team number eight.

Harley & Jonathan arrive at Wat Yannawa and receive their Speed Bump. Each of them must construct a grasshopper out of local river reeds. Jonathan is not crafty because of course he’s not but Harley’s puzzle skills come in handy and they construct their hoppers in short order. They choose Wheel although Jonathan does not play pool because of course he doesn’t and is allergic to cats because of course he is. Jonathan takes the Roadblock and powers through it. They travel to the Pit Stop, where Phil is sad to inform them that they are the last to arrive and have been Philiminated.

harjon1Bye bye bye

Jonathan interviews that running The Amazing Race is one of the greatest experiences of his life and that he was lucky to be able to run it with the one person in the world he most wanted to run it with.

The Amazing Metrics

Philiminated With Extreme Prejudice: Harley & Jonathan. They ran a solid Leg but there just wasn’t a lot of room for a team several hours back to move up. They really would have needed someone to get…

Hopelessly Lost But Making Good Time: No one. A couple of teams confused themselves more than they really needed to searching for the Metal Castle but it wasn’t serious enough to affect any more than some shuffling of finish order and where you finish doesn’t matter as long as it isn’t last.

Don’t Make Me Come Back There: Blair & Hayley and Jelani & Jenny. Although she dialed it back toward the end of the Leg Hayley burned a lot of time and energy griping. And Jenny needs to . Matt & Ashley aren’t there yet but if I hear one word next episode about how Jelani & Jenny “betrayed” them they will be.

Cruising: Mike & Rochelle. Even though they dropped in the rankings they ran a good Leg and Rochelle demolished that Roadblock. They’re this season’s “figured they’d be gone by now” team to watch.

And so half of Team Gay is gone and the other half have raced to the Friend Zone. That sad state of affairs along with the inclusion of a minor gross-out eating challenge only allows me to award this Leg four Phlying Phils!

fourphils

The Amazing Race is taking an extra-long Pit Stop, returning on April 3. Join us then as we resume the racearoundtheworld for One! Million! Dollars!