The latest installment of American Horror Story premiered last night, and while we can debate if we really needed an ’80s slasher addition to this anthology series (we didn’t), we can all agree on one thing: This is gonna get real gay.
From the opening aerobics montage, to Gus Kenworthy’s frequent and repeated shirtlessness, to Cody Fern’s feathered hair—as well as the requisite underlying homoerotic tensions—this camp is camp. So without further ado, here are the five gayest moments from the pilot of American Horror Story: 1984.
“Have You Ever Seen a Body Like This?”
Gus Kenworthy plays Chet, a beefcake would-be Olympian who was disqualified for “peeing a pharmacy.” In this completely gratuitous but still highly appreciated scene, he rips off his shirt to show all the hard work he’s done that won’t be scoring him any medals at the 1984 Games. But that six-pack does score major drool points from Emma Roberts’ Brooke.
Abs Versus Abs
Chet pulls the oldest gay trick in the book when he gets Ray (Dear White People’s DeRon Horton) to show him his abs, planting the seed for what is sure to become a big ol’ queer sequoia. Regardless of what the internet has to say.
This Totally Rad Intro Sequence
Aerobics! Spandex! Neon! Questionable hair choices! As we’ve learned from Pose, Ryan Murphy loves a retro introductory montage, and what better way for us to meet these future corpses than with their gyrating pelvises being thrust and thrust and thrust into our faces. The ’80s are back, baby!
Speaking of things being back: Hey, Matthew Morrison. Sporting a very sexy and era-appropriate mustache, the former Glee coach plays activities director Trevor, known for, as Montana (Billie Lourd) refers to it, his “elephant’s trunk.” Turns out that dick-stracting appendage got him kicked out of a Jane Fonda workout video. There but for the Grace and Frankie go I.
This Opening Ménage
In a flashback to 1970, we see the original kids who got slaughtered at Camp Redwood, including these three getting it in… in sin. You know those ’80s serial killers don’t like anyone having sex, let alone some polyamorous shit. The poor horny bastards never stood a chance.