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Hey hottie.[/caption]
American Horror Story: Asylum returned last night, creepier and more confusing than ever. And since we know the show is going to be full of twists and surprises all season, we are going to go out on a limb every week and make predictions on where the show is headed this season. We will surely be wrong 99% of the time, but hey, it's way easier than trying to recap this confusing jumble.
So following episode one, here are our predictions for the season.
Adam Levine will look super hot, even covered in blood and without an arm. Adam Levine will also be dying. Jenna Dewan will watch Adam Levine die and be stuck in that rusty dump she wanted to have sex in with zombie ghost killers. Jenna Dewan also contracted that flesh eating disease after having sex on old, rusty medical equipment. Evan Peters and sexy, yet spooky, French girl are going to have sex. Clea DuVall is going to be murdered and Sarah Paulson is going to be stuck in the asylum. Sarah Paulson and sexy, yet spooky, French girl are going to have sex. Jessica Lange is going to have sex. Jessica Lange used to be super slutty. James Cromwell is an alien. Everyone is going to show their bum. Chloe Sevigny will bite off someone's manhood. Lily Rabe is actually a patient at the asylum. Someone will be exorcised. Joseph Fiennes and Chloe Sevigny will get it on. Chloe Sevigny will die early on. James Cromwell is feeding his former wife and children body parts and they live in the woods. Gwyneth Paltrow will guest star. Social issues will be addressed. No one will sing Journey. We should be writing for this show, clearly.
Hey hottie.[/caption]
