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"American Horror Story Coven" Educational Recap: "The Dead"

Thanksgiving is the perfect holiday for the gals of American Horror Story Coven to celebrate, because it’s a non-religious gathering where all the crazy people you know can inappropriately commemorate racial injustice. Since we don’t have an episode next week (or a spinoff to look forward to, apparently), let’s use this entry in the story to teach us how to be grateful.

Coven-tional Wisdom: Four Lessons About Thankfulness From This Week’s Episode of American Horror Story Coven

LESSON ONE: Count your blessings

We all experience loss, but if you’re reading this right now chances are good that you have a home and an Internet connection. (If you’re homeless and reading a print-out of this recap, then I’m frankly confused.) So, even though times might be tough, you’ve at least got a roof over your head and a link to the information superhighway. Look at Cordelia. Rather than lament her lack of eyesight, she’s celebrating her new-found insight.

LESSON TWO: Connect with your family

Lots of us have to deal with nutty relatives over the holidays. But even if you haven’t spoken to your kin in years (or ever), it’s always worth it to extend a hand. Queenie took a chance on Marie Laveaux's hair salon, and suddenly she’s got a place to stay, a chance at being even stronger than the Supreme, and a group of friends willing to do her hair while torturing her racist maid, Delphine.

That’s just good, wholesome bonding right there.

LESSON THREE: Extend an olive branch

Beyond being thankful, you should also acknowledge those you have wronged and try to make amends. If your roommate walks in on you getting hammered like a piece of Ikea furniture by the guy she has a crush on, don’t let that wound fester. Do the neighborly thing and offer to have a threeway. Nothing says “I’m sorry” like a living woman, a dead woman, and the assembled pieces of several dead men having something that vaguely resembles sex.

AHS DAT HAM

LESSON FOUR: Dat ham

No, really though. DAT HAM. It’s Thanksgiving. Eat up. (Hat tip to Tom Blunt over at Meet the Lady for this image.)

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