This week of nervous performances and shy interviews has been sort of fun, but now, following the announcement of the Top 13, comes the real American Idol: months of live performances where assured talents shine while singing some of the most dated song choices ever. Will we get another Leiber and Stoller week? I must know!

Let's rank this year's competitors from worst to first, shall we? But before we get to that: Did anyone notice that Emmanuel Zidor did not even flinch or reach out in congratulations when Spencer Lloyd was announced as a potential wild card pick for the Top 13? It was SHADY and I #gotmylife from it. Made me wonder if Lloyd, the much-touted "worship leader," is a bit of a homophobe. Zidor did not look like he wanted to look at that guy. Any other theories out there? Emmanuel, if you're out there, want to jump in on this? We're nice gay people and understand your thing.

Now: Onto the rankings!

13. Kristen O'Connor (Wild Card pick): I think it's easy to be resentful of contestants who keep being called "natural stars" even though I can't remember a thing about them. Kristen wouldn't have been my first choice for a Wild Card pick (because I don't even remember her, y'all), and her choice in Wild Card material was the dreadful Katy Perry song "Unconditionally." What could be more moving than a six-syllable adverb? You need to be Alanis Morissette to pull that off. Kristen's lucky that Spencer Lloyd botched his chancs at redemption with another lame-ass original song and Bria Anai couldn't quite keep the pitch going on "It's a Man's Man's Man's World," otherwise she'd be going the way of the Briana Oakley too.

12. Jessica Meuse

I'm glad we have Jessica Meuse's Slapout, AL angst around, but her prickliness and slightly cooler-than-thou vibe don't strike me as winning attributes. To be honest, I'm surprised she cracked the Top 10 on viewer votes alone. Does "Drink a Beer" really resonate with 14-year-old voting bandits?

11. Emily Piriz

Nothing forces me into a permanent stinkeye like a singer who chooses a highly sexual song and then shies away from owning up to it. Come on! "Paris (Ooh La La)" is an otherwise nervy song choice, but Emily Piriz's anodyne version of it -- complete with her aw-shucks explanation for singing lyrics about "shaving you smooth" -- was merely tuneful. The "rock" energy of it was pure karaoke palatability.

10. Malaya Watson

I don't know long Malaya can coast on her sheer ebullience, but I kind of hope it's awhile. Her singing is charming, even if I'm not sure it's impressive in a competitive way, and she delivers so much in the way of connection, theatricality, and glitter-eyed urgency. She is necessary to the show. But I hope she can rein in her gregariousness, otherwise she's doomed to become a forgettable jokester in the vein of Heejun Han.

9. Dexter Roberts

The judges criticized this jocular gent for not being distinct as a country vocalist, but then we all realized it is impossible to be distinct as a country vocalist, so forget about it. I mean, Keith Urban. Is he distinct as a country vocalist? As a country presence? He looks like someone drew a face on Nicole Kidman's Virginia Woolf nose. Which is completely unsettling and should be considered a chilling modern update of Orlando.

8. CJ Harris

Most adorable Top 13 combatant? Fer sure. And I'd hate to say it, but I concurred with Keith when he said CJ seemed to be vacillating in and out of his connectedness to the audience during his performance of "Bring It on Home to Me." I've yet to fall in love with this charmer, but I'm glad he's around.

7. Alex Preston

Turkentine's here! His unassuming guitar chops and gnarly singing voice are major assets in this competition, and I still think the best thing he's done all season is the squirmy, creepy version of "Scream and Shout" from Hollywood week. Sometimes I think he does "squirmy, creepy" things on accident, actually. But whatever. We're in the dystopian, Fat Elvis stage of Idol and weirdos will reign.

6. Ben Briley

All right. He can really play guitar. And sing well. And that might mean he'll be a working musician with or without Idol. I need that assurance during these difficult times.

5. Caleb Johnson

It really must be said that Caleb Johnson has a knack for stage presence that, save Malaya Watson, is really lacking this season. I enjoy his Kinison-gone-legit scream-singing and think he's both bold and self-deprecating enough to make it to at least the Top 6.

4. Sam Woolf

I mean, if you're of the opinion that you basically have to be Phillip Phillips in order to matter on American Idol anymore, Sam Woolf is inevitably your go-to choice for victory this year. With his sexually unthreatening balladeer vibe and Mary Poppins rosiness, he's exactly who 14-year-old girls imagine they'll spend the rest of their lives with. He doesn't really have the charm or funniness of Philly Phillz (who was funny, and often), but he does have the skillz. Which rhymes with Philly Phillz. Which is a thing I say.

3. Majesty Rose

Lil' Minnie Riperton can't help but endear you with sweet guitar stylings and sweeter singing. She's one of maybe four people in the universe (including Minnie Riperton, RIP) who can wear a flower in her hair and not seem like the worst possible living thing. I'm thinking she can rile a crowd with uptempo jams and intimate balladry, and in a season of contestants who don't seem poised to give us much range, she is a standout.

2. Jena Irene Asciutto (Wild Card pick)

Well. That Wild Card performance of "Unbreakable Me" was the BEST rendition of the season so far. The tunefulness alone was superior to everything we've heard to date, even if I find -- and I think this is an unpopular opinion -- something kind of contrived about her marble-mouthed "vulnerability." But man, that performance. Within seconds she was in total command and absolutely bulldozing the previous two nights of performances. If she keeps up that high level of quality, why wouldn't she win?

1. M.K. Nobilette

In thirteen seasons of Idol, I think you could count the amount of truly emotional performances on two hands. Fantasia's "Summertime" comes to mind. Carly Smithson's "Here You Come Again" comes to mind. Crystal Bowersox's "Up to the Mountain" comes to mind. And now, M.K. Nobilette's "All of Me" joins the tally. This is somebody who clearly values authenticity and sincerity without taking herself too seriously. In fact, the zany little victory jig she did upon being announced as a member of the Top 13 was more a statement of individuality than any of her competitors' song choices. She is what Idol really needs right now: an original.