Well, we've reached the end of another season of America's Next Top Model. We've laughed, we've cried, we've heard the word "smize" about eight million times. And then we cried some more. Seriously, so much crying. Especially from Will.

But enough with the navel-gazing: It's time to say congratulations to the winners and goodbye to the losers.

Sob Story: This week's sob story belongs to everyone, as each model gets time to recount their personal history: Adam gave up grad school to be on the show, Keith's father died shortly after they had reconnected, Lenox wants to help out her single mom, and Will is battling to be accepted.

[caption id="attachment_173972" align="alignright" width="320"] Will gives a Master Class in crying[/caption]

The upside is we know everyone a little better. The downside is that, since each contestant is given equal screen time, we can't predict who was going home empty-handed. That said, Will's constant crying suggested he was either gonna be reality-show roadkill—or maybe that he'd be depositing a big fat check for $100,000, it's hard to say.

Tyra Nonsense: Tyra drops in to visit the models and, for a moment, I thought they'd have a Tic-Tac tete-a-tete a la RuPaul's Drag Race. I should have known T-Banks was only there to hawk her new makeup line.

Guess what it's called? Go on, guess. I bet you'll get it right.

Yup, it's called "Tyra".

The models, naturally, have to sell Tyra's collection—which makes perfect sense, except that three out of the four are guys.

For a second, I thought they'd be brave enough to put Will in some eyeshadow. But no, he'd probably cry it off anyway. (Will, stop crying!)

Pseudoartistic Photo Shoots: Despite some shockingly impressive backdrops, the actual commercias for Tyra by Tyra are all bland as balls. The only fun part is that all the eliminated contestants are brought back to pose with the final four.

Will is happy to be reunited with Raelia, but Lenox is less than thrilled to see Chantelle. Keith, meanwhile, admits he only chose Mirjana for his team for her looks. “She has a sexy face,” he says, “until she opens her mouth.” (Straight guy throwing shade alert!)

If you expected drama to result from this setup, though, you'd be wrong. There's no time for fighting, because we need more shots of Will crying. (Is this Tyra's way of showing Oops Liner is waterproof?)

The producers also brought back Allison Harvard (a.k.a. the living Keane painting from ANTM Season 12) to show these fools how it's done.

Lenox, Adam, Will, and Keith are whisked off to the  judge's panel, where they'll finally shoot their Guess magazine spreads with Yu Tsai.

Despite all those off-camera tears, Will ends up serving serious sultriness. Lenox, meanwhile, gives us American Apparel sleaze, while Adam and Keith were so nondescript I can't even recall what they did.

Not-Shocking Elimination, Part 1: Tyra emerges from the shadows and announces she's been watching the shoot from behind the scenes. Judging begins immediately. Off with their heads!

As all the finalists did pretty well, this decision is actually difficult. But a cliffhanger fake-out cliffhanger, Tyra eliminates Lenox because she's still lacking in confidence—or as Miss Tyra calls it, "oomph and fire." (And nothing helps confidence like losing!)

That means we'll have a male winner for the first time in Top Model history!

More Sob Stories: For better or worse, most of this episode is a recap of Cycle 21. Damn there was a lot of crying. Was Kleenex a secret sponsor this season?

The final three dudes gets to make phone calls home—via the inconspicuously advertised Line app, of course—and the tears are kept to a minimum. The number of crucifixes on Will's mother wall, though, explains why he kept his sexuality secret for so long.

Everyone, stop crying!

Actually Artistic Runway: For their final runway challenge, Will, Keith and Adam walk in a  runway show for Korean designer Lie Sang Bong.

The clothes are gorgeous, and Korean club kids 2NE1 provide an interesting accompaniment. No snark here—this is just fun!

Gender-Normative Bull: The show makes a lot out of the fact that this is the first time ANTM has had all men in the final three.  Considering most of human history has focused on men, this doesn't really feel too groundbreaking. "Men all over the world are celebrating" this finale, says Tyra.

Somehow I doubt that.

Meanwhile, Will is once again criticized for not looking masculine enough. On a show that  purports to celebrate uniqueness and diversity, the judges don't seem very accepting of nontraditional gender presentation. Honestly, they should have let Will walk the final runway in heels.

Not-Shocking Elimination, Part 2: Miss J, Kelly, and Yu Tsai join Tyra to reevaluate the guys' total body of work, and seem much more approving of Keith and Adam then they have been all season. Will, on the other hand, is met with harsh criticism despite looking amazing in almost every photo.

Adam is the first of the three to be eliminated, though no real reason is given. Bye Adam, sorry about your alcoholism!

Will Tyra choose charming straight man Keith or lovable gay Will? If you thought for a second that Top Model wasn't going to cater to mass appeal and banality, we're not sure what show you've been watching. So it's not exactly a shock when Keith Carlos is named the winner of ANTM Cycle 21.

Because what a professional football player really needs is another $100K.

“You have to believe in yourself,” Keith announces, “and you can achieve anything.” Good thing Keith is so damn charming or I'd be even angrier than I already am.

So Will Jardell, we're sad to say, it looks like you're the second gay man in Top Model history to place behind to an obviously undeserving competitor.

But Will is noble in defeat, proclaiming “I’m walking away with a newfound person inside of myself that I’m so proud of.”

That's wonderful, but for God's sake stop crying.

See you next cycle!