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"America's Next Top Model" Recap: The Guy With Moves Like Elvis

We're now at the point in America's Next Top Model where I don't want anyone to leave but I'm ready for them all to go home. You guys, just do what Tyra tells you to without questions and you'll win. Ugh, whatever—on to the recap!


Sob Story: Uh-oh. The episode starts out with Shei getting a full minute of screen time to talk about her family history. That's never a good sign this late in the game.

It turns out her family isn't wealthy and, after her parents divorced, she lost touch with her dad—she's in the competition to make her mom proud. That's all well and good, and wouldn't be a tell-tale sign of anything if we learned it ten episodes ago. This much backstory this late says only one thing: Tyra won't be holding Shei's photo at the end of the episode.

Meanwhile, Adam is dealing with his newfound sobriety and Keith talks briefly about making his nephews in the projects proud.

Okay, enough emotions—we've got modeling to see!

Screen shot 2014-11-22 at 8.55.34 AMUnnecessarily Complex Mini-Challenge: We return to the cringeworthy tradition of forcing the models into some barely decipherable sitcom, as our top five must act along K-drama superstars Jong Hoon Yoon and Clara. And they have to deliver their lines in Korean.

Spoiler alert: No one came even came close to nailing their Korean or English lines. In a moment of overconfidence, Adam burns his script to prove how well he knows his dialogue. Then, he forgets all his lines. "I'm just trying to stay strong and sober!" he exclaims.

Oh honey, aren't we all?

Keith ends up winning the challenge despite inventing  an entirely new dialogue, because he is so gosh-darn charming. So charming, in fact, that Keith actually introduces us to his alter-ego, K-Songz, who is twice as charming as regular-flavor Keith.

Gender-normative Bullshit: For the most part, this season has eased up on reinforcing gender stereotypes. The women feel empowered to speak up, no one's afraid to be called "bossy," Will regularly shows up to judging in high heels, and Miss J is, well, Miss J.

But during the acting challenge Will is repeatedly chastised for being too gay when he's supposed to be playing a straight dude. As much as I like to insist that everyone's gender presentation is acceptable,  Will wasn't fooling anybody—even with his voice dropped four octaves. He tried so hard, though.

america's next top model ANTM marilyn monroePseudoartistic Photoshoot: The models have to emulate famous photos featuring American icons Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. Because it was necessary to travel halfway across the world to do a photo shoot worshipping Americana. Whatever.

Lennox and Shei are given ratty wigs from the Haus of Dida Ritz, but Lennox looks pretty stunning. Shei less so: "She's too 'House of LaBeija,'" Tyra comments about our Asian queen, who was, admittedly, looking a little drag-y. (Good reference Tyra, but don't bring up the memory of Pepper LaBeija unless you mean it as a compliment.)

Yu Tsai offers Shei some platitudes about needing to see her heart and while she improves slightly, she still stumbles.

Will and Keith need a lot of instruction from a particularly angry Yu Tsai. Tyra steps in to show them precisely what she wants them to do, which (spoiler) is not a good sign. Bu she makes turkey-gobbling noises, which is entertaining. And reminds us to make reservations for Thanksgiving.

Adam goes on at length about how he doesn't need to drink to be great and, what do you know, he actually doesn't! He slays the shoot.

Non-Shocking Elimination: Kelly and Miss J are at each other's throats at judging. It's like Alien Vs. Predator: whoever wins, we lose. Pretty much all the contestants receive scores of 7, 8, or 9. Adam takes top photo while Lenox and Shei wind up on the bottom.

We don't have Lennox's backstory yet, so it's pretty much certain she's not going home tonight. And, as we predicted, Shei is sent packing.

Sorry, toots, you were likable and fun, which never gets anyone far on Top Model. Or in life, really. Good luck with all that.

Screen shot 2014-11-22 at 8.53.36 AMTyra Nonsense: Tyra's penchant for schizophrenic speech was at an all time high this week. Throughout judging she manages to:

* Do an impression of Marilyn Monroe that sounds like The Lady In The Radiator.

* Make more turkey-gobbling noises.

* Continue to use the word "stiffy-doo" as if it was a real thing.

* Show actual empathy when Shei is eliminated, which is perhaps more nonsensical than her actual nonsense.

* Threatened to call the Tyra Police on Shei if she ever changes her hair, which is a legitimately terrifying threat. Forget the Bey-gency. The Tyra Police are here.

Check back next week for our second-to-last recap of Cycle 21!

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