Andrew’s Royal Court: Who’s In & Out In Reality TV

It was a long week in my castle with Teresa and Drita going head to head, but long story short, they were both sent back to their respective neighborhoods. Week one of my Reality Court had some shoe-ins, but week two has nothing of the sort! We had some people surprise us and find a way into Reality Royalty!

How it works:

Evil Queen: Every show needs a villain, I should know, so this crown will be given to my favorite asshole of the week.

Knight in Shining Armor: Who says heartthrobs can only be Biebers and Efrons. Each week I will crown my reality TV stud of the week.

Jubilant Jester: Every show has the character that provides comic relief. This crown will be given to someone who literally makes me LOL.

King’s Servant: Every King needs an assistant. Each week I will choose a star that I wish was my best friend. Besides, my little Maltese Ella can’t always be right next to me.

Future Royal: Who runs the world? I believe KIDS do. Sorry Beyonce

The Festival of the Week: Everyone has that one show that they watch where they wish they were part of the cast. The King feels the same way! Each week I will announce my favorite show of the week!

Evil Queen:

Winner: Clay Aiken and Lisa Lampanelli (Celebrity Apprentice)

Honorable Mention: Ramona Rizzo (Mob Wives)

AND HERE THEY COME… I knew that it was only a matter of time before Gayken and Lisa took on the rest of the bunch. It is like obviously the Queen Fruit Fly (Lisa) and Clay were going to cross paths at some point on the show and take down the pathetic people in their way. I am so happy that it is Dayana, and I really wish I could have joined in on the attack.  Both Clay and Lisa have attitude and lots of viciousness in them, I love that. Ramona is just Ramona. I was waiting for a good time to put her in here. I was with her at an event once, and she was a complete BITCH. Honestly, I wish she would be removed from the cast. There is nothing classy or mob about her. She thinks that just because she is besties with Karen that she can out mob Drita. Seriously, Drita will give you stitches boo.

Knight in Shining Armor:

Winner: Pauly D (The Pauly D Project)

Honorable Mention: Andy Cohen (Watch What Happens Live!)

This week my Knight in Shining Armor crowns are based on looks only. Yes, even the King can be superficial at times. Pauly D is a STUD. I don’t care what anyone says. The way he bakes in that tanning bed and goes and pumps iron, all while having clean clothes and a beyond sexy blow out. I mean come on, compared to the other guys on that show (disregarding Vinny when he was with Snooks); Pauly D is the sexiest Guido I know. Andy has always been a favorite, and an idol of mine. I mean, he might be the only TV personality to ever threaten my throne as King. Either way, I would maybe give him my crown for the day if it meant I could wrestle him for it :)

Jubilant Jester:

Winner: Angela ‘Big Ang’ Raiola (Mob Wives)

Honorable Mention: Milania Giudice (The Real Housewives of New Jersey)

HOLY MOTHER OF BOTOX LAUGHTER!!! I have never seen anything like this on TV before. Big Ang getting Botox this week was a classic. She knew exactly what to say to make everyone laugh. This is coming from me, and YES I have had Botox once. In fact, I got it from Dr. Jeffrey Adelglass in Dallas, Texas (he stars on Style’s Big Rich Texas). Botox does hurt, she is right, but in comparison to all the other procedures Miss Angie has had done, she really thinks we are going to believe that Botox hurt the most? I love her all the less. Milania, on the other hand, is always funny and crazy. She needs her own show. I was thinking, why don’t we split Real Housewives into two new shows: WWE Sunday Night Brawl (Teresa vs. the rest of the cast for a cage fight), and Milania’s World (Milania coaches little girls on how they can become thugs).

King’s Servant:

Winner: June Ambrose (Styled by June)

Honorable Mention: Mickie Wood (Eden’s World)

This week was a toss up between a personal stylist and a caring voice of reason. First with our winner Miss June Ambrose. June’s fashion and style sense is amazing. If you have seen her show, you are aware of how amazing she is and how SHE CAN STYLE ANYTHING. That is including me, one of the most disastrous cases EVER. Here is my message to June: Please make me into a sexy combination of Brad Goreski and Jeff Lewis. Please don’t give me any of their attitudes however, I have enough and my boyfriend might end things if I get more TUDE. With Mickie, I say it like I feel people. She is my second mom. She always knows EXACTLY what to say to make me feel better about any situation. LOVE HER!

Future Royal:

Winner: Mia Diaz (Dance Moms: Miami)

Honorable Mention: Audrey (Eden’s World)

This week was like the Academy Awards when it comes to children on reality TV. I mean seriously, you had two of the best performances in a drama ever. Mia stole the show with her insane crying session when the fire broke loose on Dance Moms. If you don’t know who Mia is yet, you can either search for her on YouTube or tune into some upcoming episodes of Dance Moms. She is a gemstone to say the least and one of Victor Smalley and Angel Armas’ top students. I still think she was showing us her acting skills this past week. I think she may even have a chance at being an actress. We all know that Abby Lee Alligator Arms will never have any of her kids in movies. She however may be in the remake of Godzilla. From my own show, Audrey was a terror. For the first time, I agreed with Heather Ryan when she said, “She reminds me of the Bride of Chuckie”.

Festival of the Week:

Winner: Celebrity Apprentice

Honorable Mention: The Pauly D Project

Okay, I am a big Celebrity Apprentice follower. This is one of those shows that the King of Reality NEEDS to be on someday. Do you hear that el Trumpo, I need to hear you tell everyone ELSE that they are FIRED to that I can win that “MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY…. MOONNNNNAYYY”. Anyways, this week was amazing on Apprentice (see Evil Queen winners). I HATE Dayana Mendoza and honestly, the way that Queen and that Fruit Fly attacked her was amazing. She needed to be told how disgusting, disgraceful, and delusional she was. I give Gaiken and Lisa my outmost satisfaction. I just wish I could have been there to join in on the attack. I also wish I would have been a part of The Pauly D Project just to check out that Guido stud.

[Andrew Sullivan is the outspoken publicist on LogoTV’s Eden’s World and the self-proclaimed ‘King of Reality’. He is a weekly contributor to NewNowNext.com with his Royal Court.]



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