Arrow Recap: Secrets Revealed!

Oliver uses some truly out-of-the-box thinking to stop Merlyn’s evil scheme. Moira is amazing. Roy is obsessed. And someone dies.

Dude…. I mean, guys I just can’t with the OMG and the Feels and the holy crap! Yep, that’s about how coherent I felt when Darkness on the Edge of Town ended. I stared at the screen for several minutes with my jaw on the floor.

Okay, so let’s start with Magical Ninja island so we can get that out of the way. It turns out the reason for Yao’s latest betrayal (not to be confused with the other ninety-three times he betrayed Oliver) was to save them from being the victims of a forest fire that Fyers was preparing to set. Apparently, Yao felt they’d be much safer in Fyers’ custody because Yao, for all his loads of ancient wisdom, is a total moron.

Fyers entire evil plan is to crash the Chinese economy. That just seems so bland when compared to The Undertaking. But I guess not all Evil Schemes of Evil are created equal. In any case, Fyers needs Yao to take responsibility for the shooting down of a passenger plane, to which Yao gives a very adamant “Hells to the NO!”

Because, as I said, he’s a moron. I suppose I shouldn’t pick on him too much. It’s not like we haven’t all seen this same plot play out in a hundred movies. As soon as the Idiot Hero insists he will never cooperate, the Bad Guy points a gun at the hero’s loved ones and the hero is like, “Oh, yeah, I totally forgot you had me by the balls.”

Yao’s final act of defiance is to give Oliver a knife, because he continues to have way more faith in the silly rich boy than is, I feel, warranted. If he’d given that knife to Shado, for instance, they would all have been freed and Fyers would have been carved up like a Christmas goose.

Instead, while Yao is given a shave and a haircut and allowed to change, Oliver slowly saws through his bonds like the worst escape artist on the planet. Yao gives the speech Fyers wanted and in return, Fyers kills him dead. Well, I think he’s dead. With this show, Yao could have caught the bullet with his teeth and then willed himself into a death-like coma and then faked a blood spot on his forehead. But I think he’s just dead.

Fyers reports his success to his boss, who turns out to be a woman. Could it be Moira? She’s managed to convince me she is really just someone in over her head, but a part of me still thinks she might really be evil. Partly, this is due to my theory that killing Frank might have been more than a convenient alibi, it might have been retribution for Robert’s death.

Anyway, onto the present. Oliver is broody and unhappy because he now knows that his mom and Malcolm are in cahoots. He does not like the cahoots. He is, in fact, opposed to the entire cahoots concept. He doesn’t even like the way it sounds out loud.

When Felicity asks him if he’s okay, he actually admits that with all he knows, he’s a really long way away from okay. Finding out his mom is a super-villain has dampened his week in a big way.

Laurel drops by and wants to chat about the whole “I still love you” bomb that Oliver dropped last week. Oliver reacts as most men react when that four-letter-word comes up and he tries to change the subject. Then he tells her she’s better off with Tommy.

Personally, I think she’d be better off without either of them. I think she should find someone who maybe doesn’t have a whole magazine rack of issues. I’m not sure why she thinks she has only two choices, Oliver or Tommy. But that gets into a whole topic of feminine independence and power that I am way too tired to type out.

Detestable Detective Lance is on the case of the bloodiest downsizing ever. I think he’s a little sullen that this was the Dark Archer and not The Hood. He’d love to toss the Dark Archer into a dark hole, but nothing gives him wood like imagining The Hood in cuffs.

You know who else wants to find The Hood? Bad Boy Roy. He is still on his quest to find his Knight in Shining Armor. He just knows if he can find him, theirs will be a love like the ones in the storybooks.

The best bit is when Thea tries to be all seductive and says, “You know, when I imagined being in a car with you, this wasn’t what I had in mind” and Roy couldn’t be less interested.

Sorry, Thea, you’ve lost this one. He only has eyes for The Hood now. Don’t be too upset, though. I’m sure there have to be a few straight boys in Starling City who don’t lust after your brother. Sure, it’s because they haven’t met him, but that still gives you a window of opportunity.

Oliver makes another attempt to get his mom to fess up to him. Naturally, she doesn’t go for it and instead tells him to leave it alone. Just when he is about to tell her he knows what she did last summer, they get tranqued.

Oliver is sneaky, you see. Well, sneaky and crazy. Mostly crazy with a little sneaky. Anyway, he had Digg (dressed as the Hood) kidnap them so he could put the hurt on Oliver to get Moira to talk. I’m telling you, the Shakespearean levels of this show are off the charts.

Moira tells them about the Markov device and Malcolm’s evil scheme and tells them that she only got into this because of Robert. Susanna Thompson had better get an Emmy nod. She’s been amazing this whole season.

Felicity’s hacking fu is thwarted by Merlyn’s computer security. So she has no idea where the Markov device is. That means to find it, they have to break into the building so Felicity can go after the mainframe with a screwdriver.

Oliver has clearly watched Ocean’s 11, since his clever scheme is like a stripped down version of that heist movie. His role in the whole thing is to get Felicity to the mainframe and his cover is that he is there to see Tommy.

Wow, things have deteriorated. Tommy flat-out calls him a serial killer. Ouch! Poor misunderstood Oliver. He’s not a serial killer. He just murders people to blow off steam. But he can quit anytime.

Oliver tells Tommy he needs to get over himself and make up with Laurel. Tommy is sullen and bitchy. I guess that new leaf he turned over for Laurel has been tossed in the waste bin. More and more, he becomes his father’s son. It’s like watching Anakin turning to the Dark Side, only with better acting, better writing and something I think the kids call “plausibility.”

After the heist, Oliver runs into Thea and Bad Boy Roy scoping out the Merlyn building. Thea confesses they’re trying to find the Hood. Oliver, whose patience are quite run out, storms over to Roy and introduces himself as “Thea’s disapproving older brother.”

Roy doesn’t challenge Oliver at all, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to give up. He has to find The Hood! They’re lives are linked, remember! Thea has had it, though. I guess she was hoping she could help him get this out of his system and that it wasn’t so bad if he was only gay for one guy who no one could find. After some fruitless searching, she probably figured, he would give up and try the straight thing again.

No such luck was had by her. Roy won’t give up and when she threatens to walk, he shows her the door. True love, you see, cannot be thwarted.

Love is not something Walter is feeling. He wants a divorce. He knows Moira had something to do with his kidnapping and imprisonment, and he thinks that might be hard to get over. Moira pleads and begs and then tries to explain it was for his own good. He doesn’t want to hear it, though.

Oliver suddenly realizes that The List of Doom is actually meaningless and that it is just Malcolm’s crazy scheme he has to stop. Once that’s done, he can quit being the Hood. I guess he’s never seen Spider Man 2, or he would know better than to celebrate prematurely.

He runs over to Laurel’s and…. Um…. Yeah. So that happens. And, predictably, Tommy wanders by and watches them get all, er, icky with each other and I think that is the final nail in the coffin of the old Sweet Tommy. You shall be missed, Nice Tommy. Let’s hope Evil Tommy is an interesting replacement.

Okay, since we’re here, let’s talk about Laurel and Oliver. I’m not opposed to Oliver having love interests. I joke about the slash, but I know he’s going to be all straight and shoving his straightness in our faces. I loved Helena. I thought McKenna was interesting. And Laurel is beginning to show some depth.

But I’d really like Laurel to be a character and not just the other half of Oliver’s messed up love story. She is a smart, courageous, kick-ass woman and that is what we need to see from her. Having her all but ask her daddy’s permission if she can date Oliver again was really pathetic. And just falling into Oliver’s arms when he asked just didn’t feel real to me.

This is the one foundation stone of the show that they’re not handling well. And every time they fumble with Laurel/Oliver I am brought back to the pain of watching Clark and Lana from Smallville, and reminding me of that earns the show zero points.

Okay, back to the good stuff. While Digg goes to bust up the Markov device, Oliver goes to have a wee chat with Malcolm. After his trademark line about failing the city, Malcolm counters with, “How?”

He is not at all impressed. He realized they’d hacked his system and so he moved the device. Yes, this is a truly stellar villain people. He’s three steps ahead of the hero. I don’t know how Oliver is going to win this one.

Also? Malcolm can catch arrows with his hands. Oliver is nonplussed to discover that Mr. Merlyn is the Dark Archer. But he rallies and attacks like the heroic defender of justice he is.

And gets pwned!

My goodness. The last time they tussled, Malcolm shot him in the back because he’s a cheater, and that made it pretty easy to beat the tar out of Oliver. But this time around, they were on equal footing and Malcolm still trounced him.

Then, when he unmasks his nemesis and sees it’s Oliver, he mutters, “Oh no” because he knows Moira will eat his liver for hurting her boy.

It will be such a waste to lose Malcolm so soon. I am really hoping we get more time with him, but we’ll see.

Next week is the season finale, the ominously titled “Sacrifice.” I am predicting the death of Diggle, much as it pains me to say. With Roy about to join Team Arrow, I think things are getting too crowded. But it’s just a feeling.

How about you guys? What are your predictions?