I’m 19 and new to the dating scene, and I have pretty much zero experience hooking up. I started seeing this guy I met on Grindr a few weeks ago, and things have been getting really steamy. The thing that freaks me out is I don’t know if I’m meeting all his needs. He has a lot more experience than me (he’s a few years older and said he went through a huge slutty period), and everything he does feels awesome. But he’s a really quiet guy in bed – very little moaning and stuff – so how do I know I’m satisfying him?
Seriously. That’s literally all you need to do.
Everyone has different buttons, different triggers, different things that turn them on and turn them off. For example, I can’t climax unless someone’s holding a lit match underneath my balls while singing a Puccini aria right at my eyeball. (Oh, please, like you CAN.)
Of course, there are some universal parallels. Most people like things warm and wet. But what about friction? Some people like only the gentlest of feathery touches, while others prefer you to treat their junk like you’re alone in the woods and you’re trying to start a fire. We’re all individuals with different bodies, and each body is a totally unique galaxy with its own planets and star systems, and one man’s supernova is another’s black hole, and this metaphor totally got away from me but the point is you have to ask.
And remember to speak up about what feels good for you, too!
I started dating a guy at work about a month ago. It was good at first, but as I grew more and more attracted to him, he kind of changed. He wasn’t affectionate towards me, he ignored me and basically turned out be like every guy I’ve ever liked– a jerk.
Then one day he sent me a text apologizing for his behavior. Like the idiot I am, I thought things would be amazing and awesome, but they aren’t. He told me he liked me a lot, but just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Then he told me that we wouldn’t really work out. Then he calls me “baby” and kisses me like I am his. And I’m so confused and so hurt I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. I want to tell him to stop it because it’s confusing me and hurting me, but the stupid moron inside of me thinks that something will come out of this. Any help you can give me?
Just Help Me
Your letter infuriated me, JHM, not because of anything you wrote or did, but because there are guys out there like the one you’re dating that are getting away with (and will always get away with) pulling this kind of crap.
Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer way back when? The whole point of the early years of the show was to be a metaphor for the teenage experience. High school feels like hell? Guess what, your high school is sitting on an actual portal to hell. That kind of thing.
In the second season, Buffy loses her virginity to her boyfriend, who then suddenly turns evil. The metaphor? For a lot of people, this really happens. I mean, usually the guy doesn’t become a murderous psychopath, but it’s far from rare that once a guy feels like he’s got you hook, line, and sinker, he fires up the ol’ douchemobile.
Here’s the thing: if you start dating a guy and he seems nice, then after a while he changes and becomes a monster tool, then that second face – the monster tool face – is most likely who he really is.
So what do you do? Take him for his word. He told you he’s not ready for a relationship, so believe him. He says you wouldn’t work together? Believe him. The next time he contacts you to hang out, tell him you can’t, because you’re choosing to focus your energy on someone who can actually be there for you.
Who do you think would win in a fight between Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman and Anne Hathaway Catwoman?
What, no love for the Halle Berry version?
I kid, I kid.
That’s kind of a doozy. The Anne Hathaway version was a gun-totin’, steel-stilleto’ed, roundhouse-kickin’ badass, while Michelle Pfeiffer’s Selina Kyle was an oiled-up, latex clad, claw-slashin’ psychopath. Both women were pretty damn ferocious, and two verrrrrrry different interpretations of what Catwoman should be like.
If you look at all of their on-screen fights, Anne Hathaway seems to know a little more about what she’s doing, whereas Michelle Pfeiffer tends to get thrown off a lot of buildings. But at the end of the day, I think I’d mark Pfeiffer as the winner, because A) her version seems to truly have the power of nine lives, and B) she’s a complete f**kin’ lunatic and lunatics usually win in a fight.
To ask JT a question, email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or you can be super tech-sexy and ask via Twitter. Messages may be edited for space (but they’re totally more likely to get chosen if they’re three paragraphs or less. Just sayin’.)