I’ve been exclusively seeing a guy for almost eight months, but I don’t know if I should let things progress any further. Don’t get me wrong, the guy is fantastic, always putting himself before me and all, but I feel like something’s missing. See, the thing is I came from a really broken family (like shit to the max broken), so growing up, I never had an inkling of what love is or what it actually felt like. My only idea stems from the movies and those aren’t really true-to-life situations to take advice from.
The first four months with this guy were fantastic, and we couldn’t get enough of each other. But now we just see each other for a couple of hours every week (which he complains about) and I’m at a loss on how to explain my feelings in words. Is feeling something’s missing normal in a relationship eight months in? I’m now having doubts of whether this should continue or not. Maybe I just like him for the company. Or maybe I just need time by myself to figure things out. But I do know this: I feel like he wants more, but at this point in my life, I have nothing more to give.
Also, I’m moving a year from now, and I’m thinking of just going along with this until then (he knows about this move), which I know is very, very selfish and cowardly. But my conscience tells me that it’s a douche move. If I decide to call it off, however, I don’t think I can handle him not being in my life because I do want to still talk to him and spend time with him. Any advice?
Love Or Stay Trying (?)
I’d be gentler in my response to you, LOST, if you hadn’t sent me your email chock full of hilarious Adele gifs to illustrate your tale of woe. But since you did (and thank you, I very much enjoyed it), something tells me you have the ability to laugh at your own melodrama, which is a good thing.
A good thing, says I, because you are a melodrama QUEEN. Which I say with love. Some of my best friends are melodrama queens.
Okay, when it comes to your sulky feelings of ennui, know that it’s very normal to go through ruts in a relationship. Being with someone isn’t always sunshine and roses—sometimes you feel like, you guessed it, something’s missing.
If you’re going to hold on to someone, make sure it’s because you really want to be with them and not just because you’re used to them. My advice? Listen to that inner voice telling you to call it a day, because to keep him hanging like this is at best cowardly and at worst cruel.
I’d suggest you part as friends, and really mean it. If he starts dating someone else to not try to sabotage him. Remember, you’re out of there in a year. Be a good person.
Sorry if that bummed you out, LOST. Maybe this’ll help.
So I just watched Jack the Giant Killer, and I realized two things. One: Nicholas Hoult is beautiful and should be more famous. And two: every movie is exactly the same now. I just turned thirty, and I’ve been noticing that everything I watch, every book I read, every story I hear, always feels familiar.
Is this just because I’m getting old and I’ve heard everything? I remember when I was a kid I would be so enraptured with movies and books and television shows because it all felt so new, but my parents always seemed bored. Am I going through what they went through now? I can’t think of anything more depressing than never being surprised by a movie again.
Frustrated Former Fanboy
Naturally, as we get older, it’s harder to impress us with new stories, and everything starts to feel a little redundant after a while. But it’s not just your fault: the world (or at least, Hollywood and the publishing industry) is conspiring against you.
Case in point: The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.
I have no problem picking on City of Bones for one major reason, and it’s not even the TOTALLY porn-worthy name. (Seriously, for the inevitable XXX parody, they don’t even have to change the title!) A couple months ago I saw it randomly in a book store, and the cover caught my eye due to it being just a close-up of a shirtless dude with a blurb saying “Fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer will LOVE this!”
I had a long plane ride ahead of me, so I picked it up and was disappointed to realize the book was BTVS (minus the good parts like wit and characterization) mashed up with bad fan fiction from Twilight and Harry Potter. It’s completely derivative– and not to mention boasts an utterly unsympathetic main character– and yet that’s the book that’s being made into a movie. Why? Because those other three franchises are proven successes.
Originality is no longer what sells books, movies, or TV shows: familiarity does. To drive the point home even further, there’s a great Slate piece about a book going around Hollywood that’s basically a manual for constructing fill-in-the-blank screenplays, down to the exact page number where moments are supposed to happen. Now, I’m a big fan of structure, but that’s a recipe for boring repetition if I’ve ever heard one.
PS – If you want to see Nicholas Hoult in a movie where every frame worships his ethereal beauty, rent A Single Man. If you haven’t seen it yet, you’ll thank me.
Nicholas Hoult in A Single Man
@MC3Michael writes via Twitter: @JTRiley3 hey jt! I’m hitting up NYC soon for my 21st birthday. What are some of the best gay bars that have a fun vibe, even on a Monday?
First, pour out a drink for one of the most fun, gay ways to spend a Monday: Musical Mondays at Splash. Now, sadly, a thing of the past.
If you’re turning 21, you’re going to probably feel like bar-hopping, so I’d suggest my old stomping grounds: Hell’s Kitchen. There are a handful of really fun gay bars all within drunken, staggering steps of each other: Posh, Therapy, Vlada, Industry, Flaming Saddles, Boxers, Hardware, Fairytale Lounge … it’s gay bar paradise. Might I suggest you try the sample platter and have a drink at each? And hey, depending on who your bartender is, your ID showing it’s your 21st birthday might even score you some free drinks. Happy b-day, dude!