As always, your friendly neighborhood bartender is taking a break from his wild dating life to tackle your questions with his patented blend of advice and adult beverages. So slide on up to the bar my friends. Now, what can I get you?

Howzit JT,

I'm a hetero guy with a very very random thinking pattern. I was just hoping that you could enlighten me about something:

Why do male gay couples tend to not hold hands in public?

I go to the University of Cape Town in South Africa, so I see the occasional male gay couple holding hands on campus and in public. I am just wondering why it doesn't happen more often?

Does it have to do with people staring? As I have to admit than when the male couples do it everyone stares, while the female couples don't really get noticed as much from what I can tell - I tend to have the bad habit of watching everyone around me. I think it's cool because it shows a certain amount strength and bravery to do so while promoting awareness.

Or is it just that you want to avoid everyone staring? Or like it's your special secret that you want to share with those you deem worthy?

Understanding Couple Traits

PS - I hope this letter isn't offensive.

WHAT?! How DARE you?!

Nah, just kiddin’. Your letter is totally inoffensive. Nothing wrong with being curious. So “howzit” right back atcha.

Having never been to Cape Town myself (any sugar daddies out there want to take me?), I can’t speak for what the situation is like for gays, but I’ll tell you the deal here in the US.

There are a lot of factors that go into hand-holding. Let’s break it down, UCT. Say you have a gay male couple in front of you, coming to the decision whether they’re going to hold hands or not.

First, the most basic factor in this decision is that some people are hand-holders, some aren’t. From a completely unscientific survey, it would seem women tend to be more interested in holding hands on average, which might account for all those lesbians superglued at the wrist. What’s more, gay or straight, a lot of men have issues with being tender to another person in public (an issue that women don’t seem quite as burdened with).

So let’s say both guys are geared towards hand-holding. But then you have to consider: where are they in their relationship? Maybe they’re still new to each other. Maybe one is shyer than the other. Usually it takes a little while to build up to public displays of affection, no matter how benign.

Next, where are they? Are they in a gay-friendly environment? Is holding hands something that might get them into trouble, and invite unwanted attention?

But now let’s say our hypothetical gay couple (whom I imagine to look like Marlon Teixeira and Dylan O’Brien, because this is MY fantasy couple, godammit) are both okay with hand-holding, are well into their relationship, and are in a what’s considered a safe area. There’s one more hurdle for them to clear.

When you’re with a partner of the same sex, holding hands in public can be perceived as a political statement, even when no one involved wants it to be. That’s one of the sucky things about being a sexual minority. Since we’re essentially invisible until we identify ourselves, any showcasing of your sexual orientation makes you very conspicuous. And even if those stares aren’t made with any malice, it can still feel uncomfortable when subjected to them.

This is one example of heterosexual privilege that most straight people rarely think about. It’s never an issue to express affection in public because that’s what’s expected of them. But when you’re gay, as you can see, a lot more goes into that decision … which is super lame, because you should never, ever have to think twice about holding the hand of the person you love.

Ah, shit, this is supposed to be a funny column. Okay, how’s this:

What do you call a liberal, progressive, pro-gay and pro-life member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?

An oxy-Mormon.

GET IT?!

Dear JT,

First of all, let me say that I love your column and reading it always lightens my mood, regardless of how I felt beforehand. Now onto the actual question:

My ex-bf broke up with me about two weeks ago and I was heartbroken as it was my first relationship with somebody, but then this guy that I know started flirting with me. I know that I'm not ready to start another relationship with someone so close to my break-up, so do you have any advice about how to tell him that I'm not ready to start a relationship with someone else right now?

Okay, here’s the easiest way to do it. Turn your back to him, then twist your upper body so that both your ass and your face are pointed in his direction.

Point to him, then point to your butt, then make a wagging “no, no” motion with the same finger you used to point to your butt.

He’ll get the message.

OMG LOL J/K!

Okay, here’s what you actually do. Just tell him what you told me, but leave out the part about it being your first relationship, because not everybody needs to know everything. Let him know that you’re flattered by his attention, but you’re just out of a relationship and you’re not really looking to date right now.

Be sweet and pleasant about it. When you’ve come around and are ready for a new relationship, who knows, maybe you and he will be on the same page.

Hey JT,

I’m 18, female, and a freshman in college. I have a really weird question that I’m hoping you could help me out with. It’s about my roommie.

We live in a small double -- freshmen dorms, you know the deal. We’re both art majors. I’m majoring in graphic design and she’s majoring in animation. Okay, fine, normal enough. Here’s where it gets weird.

She’s an anime FREAK. She never watches live action TV or movies, just anime. She has like 50 manga comics in our room, which is small enough already without packing it full of comics. But the really weird part is that there’s one anime character in particular (don’t ask me his name, they all look and sound alike to me) that she’s … um … in love with.

She talks about how hot he is all the time. Did I … mention he’s a cartoon?

So my question is: is she okay? Is she normal? Should I be worried I’m living with some kind of weird fetish sex freak?

Weirded Out

Oh, to have problems like this.

I know it may seem a little extreme to you, WO, but you’ve got nothing to worry about. Your roommate has a basic, run-of-the-mill kink: in this case, her kink is a fixation on an anime character.

It’s actually not that uncommon to crush on a fictional, drawn character, and as far as kinks go, that’s an extremely harmless one. Fantasizing about sexing up this anime dude as unecessary motion lines and written-out sound effects splash across her eyes gets her going. No big. There are a lot worse things that could rev your engine.

That her kink bleeds over into her daily life is a little bizarre, but not even remotely eyebrow-raising considering she’s a teenager. If she’s unable to date in ten years because she can’t get over this cartoon guy, then we have a problem. Until then, ki ni shinai de ne?

That’s right. JT just dropped some Japanese on ya. Not expecting that, were you?

Yeah, I don’t really know Japanese. My friend does. But I had you going there for a second, huh? By the way, that just means “don’t worry about it, okay?” And you should listen to that advice, because everything sounds wiser in Japanese.

To ask JT a question, email him at jtadvicecolumn@gmail.com. Messages may be edited for space.

You can find previous editions of AfterElton's Ask Jt advice column here.