Your friendly neighborhood bartender is taking a break from his wild dating life to tackle your questions with his patented blend of advice and adult beverages. So slide on up to the bar my friends. Now, what can I get you?

Hi JT,

I'm a gay sophomore in college, and got together with my boyfriend in October. He was caring and interesting; I even drove nine hours over winter break to meet his family. I was convinced he was the one.

When we got back from winter break though, he started becoming distant. He had a job offer in DC and was leaving after graduation, and I had no interest in doing long-distance . But this became the issue: he was afraid of keeping this going only to abruptly end it the day he left. But I couldn't see why we'd want to stop such a good thing five months before the fact.

It got to the point where he became so distant that I broke up with him (because he was too cowardly to do it himself). It's been a really difficult semester, mainly because, after taking a couple weeks of silence, we've remained really good friends. We text all the time, get weekly dinners, we still post funny videos on each other's facebook walls ... and it kills me. Part of me thinks I should just distance myself from him completely to get over him, but most of me wants to spend all the time with him that I can while we're in the same city.

Am I doing the right thing?

Friends With My Ex

You’re a good sport, FWME, and I applaud your mature attempt to remain friends with this guy. But here’s the thing. You obviously still have very strong feelings for him, and while it’s very possible he feels the same way, he’s made his choice. He clearly wanted the relationship to end and go through the mourning process now rather than have it be heaped upon him when he’s also going through the stress of moving to a new city.

Is that fair to you? Not really. But I don’t think your ex is a bad guy. He's trying to protect himself.

I know you miss him being your boyfriend. It sounds like maybe that feeling is reciprocated. And, given his behavior, it’s possible he may change his mind in a month and say he wants to get back together and enjoy the time you have left. But that won’t happen if you make yourself available to him every minute of the day.

People desire the things they perceive of as inaccessible. He was distancing himself? Give him a whole honkin’ butt-load of distance. Stop posting funny videos on his Facebook wall. (Do we still call it a wall? Do we have to say timeline now?) Stop texting him all the time. Stop meeting him every single week for dinner. You don't have to pull away completely - that would be cruel - but show him you're not a puppy dog who will come to his side whenever called, no matter how much he kicks you.

When he asks you why you’re suddenly so distant, explain to him that you’re simply respecting what were clearly his wishes, and you’re attempting to move on with your life. But you can’t do that if you guys are still acting like you’re dating when you’re not. He’s trying to have it all on his terms--ending the relationship but still having your companionship and, most likely, sex. Again, I don't think he's doing this maliciously; he’s only human. But he's not being fair to you. You deserve better.

But don't be passive agressive about it. Own up to what you're doing. Be clear that you're taking no pleasure in pulling away, but for your sanity, ending it has to mean really ending it. After that, it'll be up to him how to proceed.

Know that no matter what happens, you both meant a lot to each other and learned about yourselves from this relationship. The most important thing now is to be as respectful of each other as you can.

Hey JT,

I don’t really have a question for you. What I wanted to do was share something that I think you and a lot of your readers would get a kick out of. I saw that you shared the Deviant Art page for the artist who does all the beefcake Disney guys, and wanted to let you know about another artist named Yu-oka.

She has an impressive amount of Klaine comics, which I think you would really enjoy.

Just thought I’d spread the love/art/gleekitude!

Klaine Girl

Wowzers! Great find, KG.

I can’t lie. I lost a lot of time checking out Yu-oka's pretty-NSFW page, which in addition to some awesome Klaine comics also has some pretty choice Santittany (or Brittana, if you want to spoil my fun) material, as well as other Glee fan art.

I don’t want to get too philosophical, but I think this kind of thing is actually a perfect example of how the Internet is a great tool and good for society. I love that rather just sitting and absorbing entertainment like some kind of globular fun-sponges (ew, that came out wrong), kids are out there being creative and productive and expressing themselves through fanart and fanfic.

Also loving that she totally has a picture of Kurt and Blaine in the shower.

Hee hee ... I cropped out his butt.

Hi JT,

I'm a straight, married, 59-year-old guy who found Afterelton in an effort to check up on marriage equality progress and issues since it directly affects a good number of my wife's kid's and my gay friends. The site does a good job of keeping me abreast of the attacks and victories, and I get a kick out reading other posts. Good job! I also live in an area with a lot of Christian Fundamentalists.

My question is this: The Marriage Equality Movement has done a good job positioning the issues on relationships, equality and love. However the fundamentalists always cite Bible passages and raise the issue of sodomy. I am wondering why the Equality Movement hasn't focused some attention to the fact that certain sexual practices aren't exclusively homosexual. I would suggest that most married couples have engaged in something other than strict, missionary position sex for procreative purposes, though they may not admit it in the confessional. Fundamentalists think they have an instruction manual on how to have sex, but then they don't adhere to the rules.

I understand that the Equality Movement may not want the spotlight on sexual practices. But isn't it time to point out the hypocrisy?

Signed,

Where’s the Fair

What? You mean she doesn't always take the high road?

That’s a fair question, WTF, and before we get started I want to thank you for being an ally. It means a lot, and it’s so essential to the cause for gay rights that we have straight people in our corner.

Now, as for your question. I actually have heard a few people make the argument publicly that since straight couples also often engage in non-procreative sexual activities, saying our sexual practices should keep us from the right to marry unfairly singles the LGBT community out.

It’s good logic.

But I think the reason that there’s not more of a spotlight on it from the equality movement is because, quite frankly, consensual activities people engage in behind closed doors should be the last thing brought up in an adult discussion about rights. When one does focus on sexual practices, it makes that party look, well, kind of like a giggling adolescent. “Ew! Look at what they’re doing!”

I think it’s better to come to the argument from a place of maturity and let the religious nutjobs who never graduated from a grade school mentality look like total idiots on the national stage.

I'd like to add one more thing.

I don’t usually have a wrap-up for my columns, but something happened this week that’s really been on my mind, and I’d like to share it with all of you. As I said to WTF (it’s weird to be serious after that tag, but here we go), straight allies are absolutely essential to the fight for gay rights.

Three days ago, my friend John died after a battle with cancer. He was 32, and leaves behind his wife and his one-year-old son. I know it’s easy to say wonderful things about friends who pass away, but John was such a special guy: good-natured, warm, and kind-hearted to a fault. He had a goofy sense of humor, a fondness for heavy metal music, and was an incredibly talented writer and gifted teacher. But above all, he was a devoted, loving husband and father, and his family meant the world to him.

John was many amazing things, and I couldn’t even begin to list the ways he made the world better. But apropos to our conversation here, John was an outspoken straight ally to the gay community--in fact, he was the only straight man I know who had an HRC pin on his backpack.

John wasn’t an ally because of some experience or person in his life that made him see the light. He was just a man who looked around and knew, instinctively, that it wasn’t right that some people were treated as less deserving of freedom than others. He knew the world shouldn’t be like this, and so he set an example for others just by living his life as someone who believed that everyone was truly born equal.

I always wanted to let him know how much that meant to me, how good it made me feel to know that there were people like him who had our backs in this struggle. But for some reason I never did, and now I’ll never have that chance.

When people go decades too soon, it makes you realize how precious and fleeting life is. Since this is an advice column, I'll phrase it like advice: If there’s someone in your life who’s had a positive effect on you or whom you admire, don't wait to tell them.

To ask JT a question, email him at jtadvicecolumn@gmail.com. Messages may be edited for space.

You can find previous editions of AfterElton's Ask Jt advice column here.