Hey Tim,

My boyfriend is a private being. He's been out for only three years. Only his closest friends and his mother know about me, and we've been together for over a year. We have a pretty solid relationship: he's sweet, loyal, respectful, and loves me. However, things get hazy when we talk about going to places like the bar where his friends hang out.

He thinks it would put him on edge if I came with him because he's protective, and he would rather that be time with his friends without having to worry about me. I haven't met most of his friends, and because of that, he doesn't think I could hold my own if he left to talk to someone. He says he's not embarrassed of me, and I believe him because we go everywhere else together, but he also feels weird introducing me as his boyfriend. Pretty much, he doesn't want to draw attention to being a gay couple.

I want to look past his insecurities and not take it personally, but if I can't even go to a bar with him, that can lead to worse problems in the future. I don't know whether to let that be his time with his friends or feel worried this will turn into a dead-end relationship.

Thank you so much,

M. The Unsure

I don’t care how “private” your boyfriend is, MTU, if he’s been out for three years and doesn’t want to introduce you as his boyfriend, that’s a bad sign. If he’s so “protective” of you that he’d worry about you being in the same room as his buddies, that’s an even worse sign.

If these are people that are a large part of his life, then he should have made the attempt to integrate you into this group a long time ago. The fact that he hasn’t means at best he’s ashamed of your relationship, and at worst he’s hiding something. Possibly something big.

I don’t want to be the guy to sow suspicion in your life, but dude, this isn’t normal behavior for someone in a year-plus relationship. In fact, it’s downright manipulative, and pretty insulting. He doesn’t think you can hold your own in a conversation with his friends if he’s not there? What exactly does he think of you?

Devil’s advocate: it’s possible he’s dealing with deep-seated issues about being gay, and that’s where this weird exclusionary behavior is stemming from. That’s still not okay, but it is a bit less sinister.

Either way, you need to have a long talk with him. Part of being in a relationship means bringing your significant other into your social circles. That’s Dating 101. If he’s not willing to do that, he doesn’t deserve to be with you.

Hi Tim,

I was inspired to email by reading about the guy in a recent column who was having trouble having an orgasm, because I have the opposite problem - namely, premature ejaculation. It's not quite so bad as one or two strokes and I'm shooting, but it's not much more.

I've Googled this and read about how you should start just on your own, jerking yourself off and getting close but pulling back, lather rinse repeat, to learn how to control it.  For me, I go from 0 to 60 so quickly I honestly can't fathom what it feels like for someone who takes longer to get off because as soon as I have some consistent friction, I'm ready to pop.

This brings a level of anxiety to every sexual encounter I have - I am *so* self conscious of getting off quickly that I am not having nearly as much fun as I should, or I'm throwing out mixed signals (such as pulling a guy's hand off me in the shower at the gym because with just a few strokes I'm about to shoot which I don't want to do... to pick a totally random example).

Any advice?!

Overly Excited in San Francisco

First and foremost - if you’re not using condoms, use condoms. Aside from the safety benefits, they dull sensation on the trusty ol’ wang, which in your situation would be a good thing.

The tips you got from your Google search were spot on, and I’d add that a lot has to do with grip and speed when, uh ... practicing your solo. A lot of dudes tend to grip hard and move their hand like they’re shaking a martini. Slow down and relax your hold. That will bring on the inevitable a lot slower, and you’ll be more in control over your start-and-stop technique.

Another way to gain control over your area is to do Kegel exercises, which it turns out is not just for va-jay-jays anymore. You can find out how to do that here.

Also, a lot of guys experience premature ejaculation in situations that may cause heightened anxiety, like, oh, I don’t know … to pick a totally random example, hooking up in a public gym shower.

In all seriousness, besides being a great way to lose your gym membership, a frenzied public hook-up could be responsible for your overexcitement problem. So if that’s how the majority of your sexual encounters happen - and seeing as how you just happened to pull that out of a thin air as an example, I’m thinking it might be - try not doing that and see how it goes. I’ve heard from a few people that hooking up in their own apartments can be totally boss.

If all of this leads to naught, you might have a legitimate medical issue that you can talk to your doctor about. There are creams and sprays you can use to dull sensation, and studies have shown anti-anxiety medication can also be useful here. But as always, start with the simplest solutions (as seen above), and go from there.

Hey Tim,

I’m super excited that Marvel is going to be making movies with Spider-Man now, but what do you think the chances are they’ll use Miles Morales? I’m tired of Peter Parker!

Web Head

You and a lot of other people, WH. A lot.

For those not in the know, Miles Morales is the half-black, half-Latino teenager who took up the mantle of Spider-Man in Marvel’s Ultimate line. And casting him as the new Spidey would be a great move on Marvel’s part.

For one thing, it would be a blast of creativity, something new and fresh, seeing as how in the thirteen years since the franchise began, we’ve seen five movies starring Peter Parker.

But even more importantly, it’s no secret that the Marvel cinematic universe has a diversity problem. Take a look at this line-up:

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That’s - count 'em - six white men (one being momentarily green, sure) and two white women. Not good when 100% of your “Earth’s Mightiest Heroes” are all the same complexion.

But mostly, Miles Morales is an awesome character, with a whole history and personality of his own. Marvel has proven they can put whatever they want on screen and people will see it. Do I think they will go with him? Not sure. Peter Parker is the name most people think of when they think of Spider-Man, and it could be marvel chooses to play it safe. I'm holding out hope, though, the Miles' time is now.

And if they’re taking casting suggestions, even though the world has already cast Donald Glover, I’d like to put my vote in for the supremely foine Jacob Artist. Sure, he’s a little older than the character, but so is Donald. And I mean, come on ...

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It's enough to make you empty your web shooter.