Q: Here’s the deal: While I was on vacation this summer, I met this guy on the beach. That night, we bumped into each other at the local bar, had a couple of drinks, went back to his place and had great sex. Period. End of story. Or so I thought.
Â As I was leaving, he asked me for my number so that we could “get together again.” I thought he understood this was a one-night stand. I just said, “I’ll see you when I see you.” I felt like I didnÂ¹t handle the situation properly, but did I do anything wrong?
A: Not really, no. It just sounds like one or both of you could have been more explicit ahead of time. But it’s a tricky situation.
Unless you’re having sex at a club or in a backroom, it’s easy to misunderstand what another person’s intentions are. Then, in the throes of passion, it may not feel quite right to say, “I only want to have sex with you and then you’ve got to go.”
Â But what about saying something direct like this before your clothes are shed: “I need to be asleep in an hour because my roommate will be back from dancing” or even,Â “I’m just looking for a quickie tonight.” If he’s looking for something more than a quick hook-up, he’ll know to look elsewhere.
Â Once the deed is done, it’s wise to avoid getting into a lot of post-coital chitchat since that could lead your guest to think you’re extending his invitation. Instead, offer him a glass of water, the use of the bathroom, and then start to tidy up.
Â If he’s not taking the hint, you could say after a short while: “Hey, thanks for coming over.”Â That’s definitely a cue that it’s time to exit. As for guests, be sure not overstay your welcome and when you leave, be sure to take all your belongings. A non-committal goodbye sounds like, “That was fun,” with a parting hug.
Â And if your guest expresses interest in getting together again (as yours did), be gentle and say: “Sorry, I’m not looking to date rightÂ now.” Â Of course, if you’ve changed your mind, exchange cell numbersÂ - or invite him to stay for breakfast.
Â And remember, what happens on the beach, stays on the beach.
[How do you make sure you're on the same page before you have a sex hook-up? What problems have you encountered? Let me know in the comments.]