Q: I’m new to a Fire Island share this year and I realized at the planning brunch in March that everyone is expected to pay for the house alcohol. No exceptions. But as the summer has progressed, I see this really isn’t working out for me. Some of my housemates really knock it back and I hardly drink at all. Is this fair?
A: Is that fair? No, it’s not. But I think the more important question is: Is it equitable? And, I think that answer is “yes.”
Sure, you drink less. But do you eat more? Or are you a carnivore? Maybe the pool-heating bill comes from the house’s joint account and you’re in it daily Âwhile some of the others view it as a Hockney painting to be admired from afar. This is equitable (balanced), which is different than fair (equal).
The most important thing, however, is that you go into the season being comfortable about the house rules. Or, if you’re unsuccessful in bending them in a way that pleases you, decide ahead of time not to join this particular house. But once you’ve agreed to the rules, you need to live by them.
While we’re at it, here’s a quick review of how many summer households deal with questions about handling house expenses.
·    Some households agree to share and divide all costs equally
·   Others buy staples and specific meals together, leaving the rest of the shopping to each individual.
·   Still other households share only the roof over their heads, with each member responsible for her needs.
·    Household accounts can be settled weekly, biweekly, monthly – or however the group decides.
If there’s going to be any sharing, set up a system. Maybe there’s a pool to which everyone contributes and takes from as necessary to buy food, alcohol, and miscellaneous household items. Or each member spends what’s necessary, putting receipts with their name on it in a jar or in a basket. At the appropriate time, all receipts are added and divided.
For this reason, it’s a good idea to designate a household accountant. It needn’t be someone with an MBA, but your choice better be someone who’s both good with numbers and people. Once the rules are set, it’s the accountant’s job to make sure the bills are paid and that weekend spending is properly handled.
If you owe money at the end of a weekend, don’t leave without paying. If you’re going to leave before the weekend’s expenses are tallied, pay more than what you think you owe. It’s easier to get refunds from the collective pot than it is to do an additional collection once you’ve departed. Plus, it’s just not fair to stick others with more than their share.
Agree? Disagree? How have you handled expenses, especially alcohol, in your summer share?
Steven Petrow can be found online at www.gayandlesbianmanners.com. He’s the author of “The Essential Guide to Gay Manners & Etiquette” and blogs regularly on Huffington Post.
