I just moved into a new apartment complex and my upstairs neighbor is REALLY loud.  She sounds like she is running a marathon in high heel shoes loud, don’t even get me started on the volume of the music!    It starts every night at 10pm, right when I get into bed.  I have to be up very early for work and she’s driving me crazy.  What do I do to get her to stop?

A very common issue between neighbors are noise complaints. Below are my top 10 tips for dealing with noisy neighbors.

1.    Keep your cool and address your neighbor with a calm tone.  Never approach them if you are under the influence. Wait until morning.

2.    If the noise is affecting others, ask them to get involved.

3.    Try not to blame them, no one likes being attacked.  My mother has a golden rule, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Instead of banging on their door and shouting, “Honey! I am trying to sleep and you’re stomping around like you’re in walk off on America’s Next Top Model.   If you don’t shut up I will come in there and shut you down.”

Maybe try a different tack.  Knock politely and say:  “Hi, Sorry to bother you. I have a very early and important meeting in the morning and I can hear you walking around in high heel shoes.  Would you mind taking them off so I can make it through my meeting tomorrow?  It would be greatly appreciated.”

4.    Invite your neighbor into your home so they can hear the noise you are hearing.

5.    Speak with them directly. Don’t leave a note.

6.    If the problem persists and they are not listening to your requests, speak to building management.  Keep a log of when the noise issues occur.  Almost all apartment complexes, subdivisions, communities have designated “quiet hours.”

7.    Many apartment buildings require tenants to place rugs on their floors to prevent noise.  If they don’t have any rugs ask them to place a few on the floors.

8.    Take these incidents as an opportunity to get to know your neighbor.   Friends don’t like to be inconsiderate to friends.  If they keep quiet after you address the issue, leave them a bottle of wine or cupcakes with a thank you card.  Yes, I am suggesting bribery.  It works.

9.    Make a real effort to know your neighbors, right when you move in.  If you have established a relationship before an incident occurs, chances are it will cut down the chances of persistent problems.

10.    If nothing works and you have approached your neighbor, building management has addressed the issue and it continues to persist and it affecting your work, home life, etc., call the police.  But only as a last resort.

Remember you have to live next to them for a long time, so it's always best to be on good terms with them, even if they are the nuisance.   Keep in mind some incidents are isolated - I mean who doesn’t like to kick it up in their own home every once in a while? - but if the issues are habitual, address them directly, politely and in a tone you would like to be spoken to in.

Unless, of course, you like to be yelled at.  But that’s a whole other column.

Jason Saft is a Senior Sales Associate with Citi Habitats Real Estate in Manhattan.  He has been featured on HGTV's Buying & Selling: 20 Best-Kept Secrets, The Today Show, Haute Living, AM NY and The New York Post.