Stumped on when to send out your STDs (save-the-date announcements)? Don’t know who should be invited to your rehearsal dinner? Get the answers to all your etiquette questions for your gay wedding by submitting your dilemma to etiquette@equallywed.com.
Q We love kids, but my partner and I donât want them in or at our weddingâboth the ceremony and the reception. We have a few reasons: We donât want any babies wailing or children making random, distracting noises during the ceremony.
We want all our guests to have fun and let loose and not have to watch their kids at the reception. Weâre serving alcohol at the reception, and we donât want to worry about the legal issues of the older children being around it.
Weâre inviting about 100 guests, and Iâd say there are at least 15 couples with children. How do we politely tell them we donât want their kids at our wedding?
A Babies and children are a blessing and can bring a youthful innocence to a wedding day, but they can be an awfully big distraction at special events, when theyâre not properly attended to. If youâd rather your guests attend to you and the celebration at hand, by all means, make it an adults-only affair.
Hereâs the thing about weddings. Proper wedding etiquette dictates that the people addressed on the envelope of the wedding invitation are the only ones invited. Thus, if you donât write The Palladino Family or Mrs. and Mrs. Palladino and children, you havenât invited any kids. Likewise, if you donât write Kirsten Palladino and guest, but instead write Kirsten Palladino, youâve only invited me and youâve indicated that I shouldnât show up with any random guest.
All those rules aside, not everyone knows proper wedding etiquette. Follow the above invitation guidelines, and youâll still get a few response cards from a parent, his partner and their full brood. And thatâs where youâll get the opportunity to say something. If you get a response card indicating that more than you invited plan to attend, call the sender and delicately explain (but donât beat around the bush) that your wedding day is going to be an adults-only affair and you and your partner arenât allowing children. And you hope they understand and can still make it.
Iâve known people to actually have âadult-only reception to followâ printed on the bottom of their wedding invitations, but I think it can be tacky and perceived as hostile by some guests.
The other way to spread the word is through strategic comments to your friends without children who talk a lot to those who do. âWeâre so excited about our adults-only wedding. Itâs really going to be a grand affair. I hope so-and-so doesnât mind that weâre not inviting any children.â That kind of talk is sure to get back to your other friendsâand hopefully not ruffle any feathers.
Youâve probably considered by now that some of your guests with children wonât come if they canât bring their kids. Not to make a statement, but for the simple fact that decent childcare can be hard to come by, especially if theyâre traveling to another state for your wedding. If their presence is more important to you, consider hiring a nanny for your wedding to keep all the children occupied in a separate room nearby. As for the older children and booze, talk to your caterer or bartender about your concerns. If they need to check IDs to make you feel more comfortable, theyâre your employees for the day.
Kirsten Palladino is the editor in chief of Equally Wed, the nationâs premier same-sex wedding magazine, online at http://www.equallywed.com. Equally Wed offers gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer couples a guide to their weddings, a social community and a marketplace of vetted LGBT-friendly wedding vendors. Follow Equally Wed on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/equallywed.
