The World’s Greatest Song About Vaginas (LISTEN)

Awkwafina inspects an inferior vag

Awkwafina inspects an inferior vag

UPDATE: I probably should’ve mentioned that this song is a response to Mickey Avalon’s “My Dick,” which is referenced in the stories I link to below. And until I started doing some internet sleuthing the day after I wrote this, I’d forgotten about Margaret Cho’s “My Puss,” which is also a response to Mickey Avalon’s song. But you know what? Awkwafina’s version is still awesome, and “NYC Bitches” just strengthens the point.


Stop the clock. Call your mom. Tell your cousin you can’t pick her up until tomorrow. The world’s greatest new female rapper has just crashed into our lives.

Sorry Kreayshawn. Go be a homophobe somewhere else, Azealia. The world belongs to Awkwafina now.

A twentysomething Asian-American rapper from NYC, Awkwafina started getting attention a few months ago, but today (like, literally today) she is blowing up. Gothamist and the Daily Beast are profiling her, and it takes about one second to realize why. She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s got attitude. Her flow is laid-back but full of energy. She says things like, “My vag feel like winnin’ the lottery. Your shit got turned down from eHarmony. My vag won best vag. Your vag won best supporting vag.”

Those lines, by the way, come from her song “My Vag,” which is blowing my mind apart.

I mean… first of all, I love the randomness in those lyrics. It cracks me up that the disses are so weirdly specific, yet they also feel like non-sequiturs. Awkwafina is so damn confident that she can’t even be bothered to rhyme all the time or make one thought lead naturally to another. She’s too busy being aware that your vag is stupid. And then at the end, she says her vag is “fifty times better than a penis.” And she says it like 40 times in a row, while her voice gets distorted. And again, it’s funny and stupid. But it’s also pretty amazing because it feels feminist and empowering.

But not in a stuffy way, you know? “My Vag” feels like a feminist song because it’s not being overtly political. Awkwafina sounds like she’s just being herself, not trying to make a point, which gives her even more strength. If you’re so confident in your identity that you don’t have to hold a rally about it, then you’ve really won the cultural lottery.

And more importantly, she’s not trying to be an object of male lust. She’s not rapping to make men want to bang her. She’s fifty times better than a penis, and she has other stuff to talk about. As she said to Daily Beast, “Other female rappers are overly sexual, have no wit, and their lyrics are so generic. I want to change the game to make rap that shows I’m not a normal female rapper. It’s not about how rich I am, how much sex I have, or how many boyfriends I have. That’s just not me.” (If she does drop a sex/relationships song, then it sounds like it’ll be surprising and worth hearing.)

And then there’s Awkwafina’s newest jam “NYC Bitches,” which just came out TODAY. She mocks almost everything about Brooklyn, including Jay-Z, hipsters, Bushwick, and women who wear booty shorts when it’s 24 degrees outside. This song is also flawless.

I’m serious, y’all. Awkwafina is major. With just a few songs, she has already established herself as a rapper with something unique and exciting to say and an entertaining way to say it.

Mark Blankenship hasn’t been this excited about a new rapper in a quick minute. He tweets as @IAmBlankenship.