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As If: Six '90s Movies That Need To Be Made Into Broadway Musicals

Pretty Woman broadway musicals

Pretty Woman, the timeless tale of a prostitute who lands herself a millionaire, is being shopped around as a Broadway musical. Taking 90s flicks from the big screen to the Great White Way has proven a winning formula that gave us musicals like Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Sister Act and Newsies—as well as flops like The Wedding Singer and Big.

Below, we make some suggestions for some more screen-to-stage Broadway musicals.


 Clueless

Clueless (1995)

Why it would work: This movie is basically what would have happened if Jane Austen and Jean Paul Gaultier had gone to high school together. It has everything: comedy, drama, a love triangle, incest (kind of), a gun fight (barely) and more catchphrases than a whole season of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Ask Iggy Azalea: she knows.

And this could actually come to pass: Writer-director Amy Heckerling has actually been shopping a Clueless musical since 2012.

Showstopping numbers: “Virgin Who Can’t Drive,” Tai’s vicious takedown of Cher; “Scream,” the first-time-on-the-highway song; “Totally Butt Crazy in Love,” Cher’s epic romantic ode to Josh.


To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995)

Why it would work: Drag queens are Broadway gold—just asked the backers of Kinky Boots, Priscilla and La Cage aux Folles. And who wouldn't love a jukebox musical with numbers made famous by Barbra Streisand, Tom Jones and Crystal Waters? Get to work, Universal—you’d be printing money.

Showstopping numbers: “Body Beautiful,” the big opener; “Turn It Out,” the drab-to-diva makeover number; “She’s a Lady,” the triumphant finale.


Can’t Hardly Wait (1998)

Why it would work: Musical interludes about weirdly charming teens works for Glee, so there's no reason it couldn't work here. And since almost all of the action takes place at one party, you wouldn't need a Spider-Man-sized budget to get the curtain up.

Big numbers: “I Have No Legs,” Kenny Fisher’s ode to drunkenness; “Fate,” the angel stripper’s inspirational song; “Has Anyone Seen Preston?” sung by Amanda in her urgent show-ending search for true love.


 Jurassic-Park_Kitchen2

Jurassic Park (1993)

Why it would work: Some enterprising young artists mounted an unofficial Jurassic musical in 2010, but it’s time to do this legit. If Julie Taymor could make The Lion King a smash hit, she can do the same for Spielberg's dinosaur epic with some creative costuming and puppetry.

Big numbers: “Chaos,” in which Ian Malcolm weaves a sexy theoretical web; “They Travel in Herds,” Dr. Grant’s triumphant moment of discovery; “Clever Girl,” the raptor attack chorus.


 empire-records-1995-01-g

Empire Records (1995)

Why it would work: Spunky twentysomethings fight hormones, shoplifters, has-been pop stars, suicidal urges and corporate overlords—all within the confines of a beloved record store! Audiences will root for the underdogs in this updated David-and-Goliath parable, while feeling nostalgic for a bygone era when music was something you picked up and carried around.

Showstopping numbers: “Shock Me, Shock Me, Shock Me,” Gina’s extended taunt of Debra’s baldness and bad attitude; “Rex Manning Day,” a sarcastic ode to the store’s guest of honor; “Damn the Man, Save the Empire,” the rousing finale celebrating the successful fundraiser.


Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)

Why it would work: The characters are larger than life, the costumes are candy-colored and the script already calls for an extended dance sequence. Besides, you know some techie has been dying for an excuse to pull the Miss Saigon helicopter out of storage. A Romy and Michele musical actually got as far as a reading in 2011, but a full production never materialized. Let's get on this, people!

Showstopping numbers: “I’m the Mary,” about the eternal struggle to make sure your best friend is the Rhoda; “Wait Right Here,” sung by Billy Christiansen to Romy at the beginning (and then vice versa near the end); “Time After Time,” a re-creation of the most perfect interpretive dance ever committed to film.

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