“Bad Girls Club Miami” Recap: Peeping Gay

When the sun sets, it will rise again in the morning.  When an animal dies, the carcass will become fertilizer for new flowers and plants.  When a Bad Girl is violently ejected from the house, a new girl will eventually replace her, only to later be violently ejected from the house.  And thus, the revolving door of Bad Girls Club Miami keeps on spinning.  This is the circle; the circle of life.

Also: shade.

Janelle Vs. The House:  The shadow of the original three’s hatred is moving quickly from Janelle to Shanae, but not before the girls decide — for good — that it is time for Janelle to leave. So Jazmone and Tiana pack all Janelle’s stuff in garbage bags and drag the bags outside. Then they do the same to Janelle, as in, they grab her and attempt to put her outside.

Janelle reasonably fights back and throws a few amazing uppercuts.  She is ejected from the house permanently for “starting” the fight.  Like a victorious battler after a match in Street Fighter, she poses in front of her defeated enemies.  And by poses, I mean splits and twerks at the door.

The Editors of BGC vs My Bloodlust:  During the above mentioned fight, there was some serious RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 1 soft focus and lens flares. What the hell is that shit? Those tricks might work for an endearingly low-budget drag show, but they function less well for a vicious girl on girl wrestling match.

Becky Andrea vs Janelle:  Becky Andrea had previously claimed that she would help her fellow giantess out in a fight, but when push came to shove (literally, there was a lot of pushing and shoving) Becky Andrea was nowhere to be found.  Hiding in the shade can only get you so far, Miss Non-Equity Malibu Barbie.  Your time will come.

Shanae Vs. Tiana:  The ladies hire a matchmaker who dispenses slut-shaming gender-normative bullshit about how a man who doesn’t pay for dinner is dishonorable.  The whole thing was a total dud, minus the fact that the girls met a man whose first name was actually Gaga.

Anyway, Janelle doesn’t meet a man because she is too busy “peeping a little gay shit,” when she notices that Shanae has a big ol’ lesbian crush on Tiana.  Janelle calls this creepy, which I immediately assumed to be homophobic, but it was followed by shots of Shanae watching Tiana shower.  So, yeah, pretty creepy.

The two girls make out, but Tiana is uninterested in moving forward because if “you got big nipples, I’m not fucking with you.  Shanae really has big nipples.”  That is a direct quote.

Tiana later confronts Shanae, and somehow they both get upset.  It hardly matters though, because Shanae has already become the enemy of the entire household.  The void that Janelle left needs filling.

Check back next week as the girls scramble to finish their dissertations on the Kantian Categorical Imperative!

freelance pop-culture blogger (NNN, MTV Iggy, Oxygen) / recovering academic / wannabe club kid / satanic hipster / talentless DJ.