“Bad Girls Club Miami” Recap: An Unbe-WEAVE-able Beatdown

Bad Girls Club Miami 2

This is it. The moment that was foreshadowed so many weeks ago. This beatdown, of supposedly epic proportions, was teased way back in the debut episode of Bad Girls Club Miami. And now we made across the Rubicon, with the sole purpose of seeing this particular dustup. Also, there are drag queens in this episode.

So let’s get to it!

The Bad Girls Club Miami Shade Countdown


5. Janelle vs The House: Janelle remains the odd girl out after taking a stern tongue lashing from Tiana last episode. The unkindnesses she has suffered through have not made any of the other housemates more sympathetic to her plight, sadly: When Gigi gets special access to a VIP room, Janelle is predictably not invited.

Janelle shows up anyway.

While Gigi grumpily tolerates her presence in the club, it’s another story when they get home. Gigi claps in her face for emphasis as she commands her roommate to finally “pop off.” And then Janelle pops off… by punching Gigi in the back of the head.

This leads to all of the girls writhing about in a tangled mess of weaves, press-ons, lace-fronts and sweat pants—all of them attempting to either brutalize Janelle or pull the combatants apart. (Honestly, it was hard to tell.) Teresa takes a yank at Janelle’s $1,000 weave while simultaneously trying to kick her in the face. After getting all the footage they need, the producers step in and separate everyone. Janelle locks herself in the confessional to talk about how pretty her make-up is, despite looking like Kazuo Ohno during a butoh performance.


4. The Producers vs Teresa: I don’t know what injudicious criteria these contestants have to meet before the television executives who create this trash decide to remove them from the show, but somehow the Williamsburg-ian producer who ejects Teresa from the house (permanently) came to the conclusion that an attempt at a kick to the head is much more egregious than a pot-shot to the skull from behind. Shady move, Oxygen. Shady move.

Either way, Teresa, this blogger will certainly miss you. Janelle, your time here is limited.

 


Bad Girls Club Miami 3

3. These Rachet Drag Queens vs My Eyes: I’ve always said that the only way to make BGC better would be to have drag queens, but I was proven wrong when the two most generic ladyboys in zebra-print body suits and clearance wigs strutted into the house. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by Drag Race but these dolls were just not doing it for me. They come in, announce that the girls are going to Key West, and then sashay away back into obscurity.


 

2. Key West Tourism Board vs The “Integrity” Of Bad Girls Club as reality TV: So the ladies got invited to Key West. Y’know, the Bad Girls said “Key West” so many times, I’m pretty sure the second half of the episode was a commercial and not an actual television show.

Anyway, Key West looks like great fun. Book your flights today!


1. Janelle vs The House (still): In Key West (great restaurants, fun for the whole family!), the girls compete in a drag competition to see which pair of Bad Girls can best serve faux queen realness. The girls repeatedly tell us how they look up to drag queens (we can tell from your makeup, hunties) and how the queens are such beautiful confident women—which is actually kind of a nice-but-sad sentiment from these ladies.

In the competition, Gigi shows up in pasties and does her best booty drop, while Shanae proves that she actually knows how to vogue, kind of. But Janelle surprisingly wins the crowd over by lifting her leg to the sky.

When the girls arrive home, their new roommate awaits them—but not before we are told by Tiana and Gigi that their feud with Janelle was on temporary hold in Key West (discounted flights available year-round!) but is nowhere near over.

Duh-duh-DUH!

Check back in two weeks for more shade countdowns and the revelation that their new roommate is actually RuPaul in disguise!