Deep inhale, long exhale.  In with the good air, out with the Bad Girls Club air.  We've almost made it through season 11.  Seven girls have already been removed from the house. The dark lord only knows how many are left to be eliminated, although it couldn't be too many, considering next week is the last episode.  That is, before the (wait for it) REUNION SPECIALS.

But we have plenty more shade to get through before that.  So let's continue, as usual:

All of Puerto Rico vs The Bad Girls: The shadiest thing the Bad Girls could do to the poor commonwealth of Puerto Rico is simply be in it.  The girls don't do much other than sloppily drink and scream the words "PUERTO RICO!" over and over, as if to remind themselves of where they are.

But Puerto Rico shades the girls right back: the hotel they are staying at features a Norman Bates-y owner who creepily feeds them crab legs while making innuendos.  "This is very sexual," says Tiana bluntly.  “He is old enough to be my grandfather," she continues, "but he feeded [sic] me so I'm good.”

Later in the club, the girls are attacked by a literal army of roaches, but Tiana stomps on them with her heels like a drag queen stomping the runway.

The Producers Vs The Bad Girls: The girls return home to a house filled with the ghosts of Bad Girls past.  They expected to find a new housemate, but alas, find only memories.  Until the ominous TV screen flashes a new face, like a demon possessing a new host, and a new girl shows up slightly after.

Why all the ceremony, producers?  Why all the demonic pageantry?  This girl is just going to get punched in the face and then sent home.

The Bad Girls Vs Hailey's Picture:  Hailey is the newest victim for the Bad Girls to torture.  She enters the house with a plentitude of platitudes.  "I am who I am," she says.  You know who else is who they are?  Fucking everyone.  That is how "being" works.

So anyway, Hailey doesn't seem that offensive, really.  But from the moment the girls see her effigy on that television screen, they begin yelling at it and hitting it, as if it were some kind of magical totem onto which they could project their fury.

Later, Hailey writes "I'm the baddest bithch [sic]" on her own image.  She can not even spell bitch.

The Bad Girls Vs Hailey:  Hailey tries her best to turn up, but the Bad Girls are all turned down.  She tries her best to introduce herself and take shots with her new roommates, but none of them are having it.  So annoyed are they at the prospects of a new roommate, they can not even imbibe together.  She complains that she can't remember their names, but that is probably because none of them even exchanged pleasantries upon her entry.

Hailey ends up getting a little too sloppy by herself, getting kicked out of the club for her debauchery, and throwing up on the floor back at the mansion.  When the ask her (not so politely) to clean up after herself she goes into full denial-mode.  Except that it might not be denial; it might actually be that Hailey, in her drunken stupor, does not remember puking mere moments before.

Rather than even feigning concern for their unkempt comrade, they attack her.  And then, as is necessitated by the narrative pattern created by this season's BGC editors, the credits roll.

Hailey's Mom Vs The Bad Girls:  Shortly before the violent outburst, Haily calls her mom.  Her dear, sweet mother answers the phone excitedly with the words, "What's up my n*****!?"

When Hailey complains about her unkind treatment, her kind, wonderful, understanding mother responds with the sage advice, “Ain't nobody cool. Fuck them hoes. Set something on fire.”

Wait, why isn't Hailey's mother a Bad Girl?  Wait, why isn't there a mother daughter Bad Girls season?!

Check back next week for the recap of the final episode of Bad Girls Club Miami!