Best. Gay. Week. Ever. (February 26, 2010)

On Monday, we asked folks to cast their votes in The Top 50 Gay/Bisexual TV Characters poll to determine the characters of all time. We last did this poll two and a half years ago and it will be very interesting to see how the list has changed over time.

It’s also nice that we felt there have been enough good characters to double the number of characters from twenty-five to fifty, and judging from the comments, folks had no trouble thinking of ten characters they wanted to vote for. In fact, some folks asked to make it fifteen!

I haven’t yet had time to vote, so thought I’d do so now and share my choices with you ’cuz I know you’re just dying for my take. Oh, and these are in no particular order.

1) David Fisher, Six Feet Under

David Fisher and Keith Charles

Before there was Kevin Walker on Brothers & Sisters, the most fully developed gay character many Americans ever saw just might have been David Fisher on HBO’s Six Feet Under. Complicated, believable, and unabashedly romantic and sexual, David is still one of the most interesting gay characters to ever come down the pike. And when he paired off with Keith Charles? Yowza..

Without him there wouldn’t have been … Kevin and Scotty on Brothers & Sisters

2) Omar Little, The Wire

The bad guy who was really quite decent, Omar proved that not all gay men were white, middle class or completely law-abiding. But Omar also operated under a strict moral code that made him one of the most ethical “bad” guys around. And I loved him for that.

Without him there wouldn’t have beenLafayette Reynolds on True Blood

3) Captain Jack, Torchwood

Another stereotype busting character, Captain Jack kicked down science fiction’s closet door. And when he seduced Ianto Jones, he seduced millions of viewers around the world who realized the words “gay” and “kick ass sci fi action hero” need not be mutually exclusive.

Without him there wouldn’t have beenSam Adama on Caprica.

4) John Paul McQueen, Hollyoaks

When John Paul came out of the closet on Hollyoaks, it wasn’t just viewers in the UK who followed along with his coming out story. Thanks to the internet, millions more followed along as John Paul fell in love, not one but twice. Much of the credit for the popularity of the storyline rightfully belongs to actor James Sutton who played John Paul with remarkable poise, warmth and compasssion.

Without him there wouldn’t have been … I can’t really give the character that kind of credit, but John Paul certainly was the highwater mark for how gay characters were treated on UK television.

5) Tobias Beecher, Oz

Tobias Beecher and Chris Keller

Of all my choices, picking Beecher over his sometimes lover Chris Keller as the best character was just about impossible. But just like Omar showed not all gay characters were white, Tobias showed that not all characters could simply be defined as “gay.” Married before he found himself in prison, Beecher fell in love with Keller in one of TV’s most complicated relationships, And it was one that simply had to end in tragedy.

Without him there wouldn’t have been … well, there hasn’t really been anyone like him since then.

Next page! The voting continues!

6) Marshall Gregson, United States of Tara

Accepted by his family and relatively well-adjusted for his age, Marshall was a total breath of fresh air when Showtime first introduced him to viewers last year. He’s an utterly believable teenager still figuring out exactly what he is and how he fits into the world. And Marshall shows things have changed tremendously for the better, but that we aren’t completely there yet.

He wouldn’t exist without Ricky Vasquez on My So-Called Life.

7) Marc St. James, Ugly Betty

Actor Michael Urie took every stereotype of the bitchy gay assistants that we’d seen a million times before and somehow transformed them into comic gold. Make that comic gold with a heart of gold as Marc is so much more than just another bitchy queen. He’s actually a three dimensional character that is a queen who is also a human being.

Honorable MentionLloyd Lee on Entourage.

8) Oliver Fish, One Life to Live

A case could be made that this slot should actually go to Luke Snyder from As the World Turns, but the fact of the matter is Oliver Fish so quickly and completely passed his predecessor that I have to vote for him. If the writers at ATWT hadn’t handled the character with such kid gloves and given Luke such crappy storylines, I would’ve voted otherwise. But the writers at OLTL proved that fully realized gay characters need not be something to be afraid of.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda … Luke Snyder on As the World Turns.

9) Kurt Hummel, Glee

Just when many folks were caught up by all the butch gay men on television, Kurt came along and reminded us that characters a little more on the Johnny Weir side of the scale were every bit as kick-ass, confident and worthwhile as the LA cops, Tauron hit men and Roman gladiators. Put a ring on it, indeed!

Shoulda, coulda, woulda Justin Suarez on Ugly Betty.

10) Oliver Sabel, Forbidden Love

Like John Paul McQueen on Hollyoaks, the love story between Olli and Christian proved there was a worldwide audience for gay love stories told well. And Olli’s love for Christian is still one of the most convincing, sweet and romantic that I’ve ever seen.

Without him there wouldn’t have been … a possible U.S adaptation for HBO!

Remember, vote now if you haven’t already.

Next page! The Asshat is back! Or just go here instead!

That’s right — the asshat is back! And, no, I don’t mean me, but thanks. I can’t promise I’ll do it every week as I might not have time, but I will do the poll when I can swing it.

And in order to avoid some of the … concerns over pitting more serious offenders (Uganda, the Pope) against less serious offenders (Ann Coulter, Ann Coulter’s face), I’m going to try doing themed-Asshat competitions. That means some weeks the poll will be a little more on the silly side while others a little more sober. And if that doesn’t suit some of you, just head over here and do this.

Relax, it’s a joke! Anywho, this week’s poll is devoted to idiot journalists and the things they say about us ’mos, real and fictional.

1) George Stephanopoulous

WHY? While interviewing Ewan McGregor, Stephanopoulous seemed … perplexed that McGregor and I Love You Phillip Morris co-star Jim Carrey had exchanged a kiss while on the red carpet. First Stephanopoulous asked “What was up with that?” and then said the single kiss was “making out.” An always classy McGregor looked at Stephanopoulous like the asshat he was being and said he was tired of stupid jokes and questions about men kissing.

2) Eddie McGuire and Mick Molloy

WHY? These two Australian sports broadcasters used the figure skating competition at the Vancouver Olympics to mock Johnny Weir with a couple of Brokeback Mountain references and a crack about the closet. Ironic that they pick on an Olympic athlete while sitting on their fat asses.

Eddie McGuire (left) and Mick Molloy

3) Claude Mailhot and Alain Goldberg

Turns out that Australia doesn’t have a monopoly on asshat sports journalists as these two French Canadian sportscasters first criticized Weir’s outfit and “body language” and then worried Weir’s presence would reflect badly on the other male skaters. And then they jokingly suggested Weir take a “gender” test. You know the scene in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory where Veruca Salt gets deemed a bad egg…

Goldberg (left) and Mailhot

4) Ryan Sorba

WHY? This efftard isn’t a sportscaster but when he spoke at the Republican wingnut confab GOPAC and whined that the organization was being way too tolerant of the ’mos, he won an honorary spot in the Asshat poll.


Be sure and vote before Sunday at midnight. We’ll announce the winner next week on the blog.

Johnny Weir doesn’t medal in figure skating, but does take the Gold for being a class act, plus I accept Greek’s late Valentine’s and more!'s Weekly Power Rankings
Rank (Last Week)
Show (Network)
Johnny Weir

1 (N/A)

Vancouver Olympics
Johnny uses broadcasters’ homophobic comments as a teaching moment to talk about masculinity and femininity and how bigotry hurts young boys? G-o-o-oal! Er, triple q-u-u-uad!
Calvin & Grant

2 (N/A)

(ABC Family)
So the boys are already too comfortable with each other, huh. They ain’t seen nothing yet. Wait till they’ve been together for twenty years.
Sam Adama

3 (N/A)

Willing to kill and not kill for his brother. That’s what family is all about!
Barca and Pietros

4 (6)

Not only do they have hot sex, but they also kiss and cuddle.
Jay McCaroll

5 (5)

Celebrity Fit Club
In his own way, he’s breaking as many stereotypes as Sam Adama and Barca.
Stephen Fry

6 (N/A)

Craig Ferguson Show
Odd that it takes a Brit to make me feel good about being a Yank.
Matthew Mitcham

7 (8)

Australia’s Greatest Athlete
Matthew makes it to the final four, but he’s already won Most Adorkable!
Jordan Pious

8 (8)

The Amazing Race
After finishing in eighth place two weeks in a row on the show, Jordan holds at eight here.

9 (9)

One Life to Live
Ooh, Kyle is going to find out if Fish is a daddy whether Fish wants to know or not. Sneaky….
Kevin and Scotty

10 (6)

Brothers & Sisters
The boys didn’t have much this week, but that kiss squeaked them into the top ten.

Next page! Shooting arrows at the week’s TV!


Sam plays a “joke” on Joseph in Caprica, Jon Stewart and Ricky Gervais talk dirty to each other, Funny or Die isn’t funny and should die and are these cartoon pigs a gay couple?

CAPRICA: Ha! Sam totally had Joseph convinced he’d killed Amanda Graystone. One time I convinced my brother his GI Joe was gay and Ken’s lover. Man, those were the days.

I chopped her into little bits and fed her to … Kidding! Ha ha ha!

SPARTACUS: Even if the gladiators were dressed like monks, I’d still give the show an up arrow just for moving the Shakesperean plot along at such a crisp pace. Not that I’m suggesting they actually dress like monks. Shudder. We like them naked just fine!

BROTHERS & SISTERS: Did you hear Rebecca lost the baby! Woo hoo! Now she can date someone more interesting. What’s that? Oh, I thought it was Justin she got rid of. Darn. On a more serious note, I loved the Nora/Holly stuff. I totally want Nora for my mom.

THE AMAZING RACE: Note to racers: Do not stand behind livestock! Farm animals tend to kick! And yes, Brent, they do smell like “ass.” Such brilliant insights! You is smart!

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: Of course it’s the former crazy woman who can’t get a man who is now falling in love with another woman. And of course that other woman is an ex-stripper. Still, it was set up fairly nicely and the show seems to be taking it seriously.

GREEK: Even though the Valentine’s Day episode was more than a week late, the gay couple actually got to kiss. Unlike some gay couples in some movies about Valentine’s Day I could name.

CHOPPED: I’m so ready to compete on Ted Allen’s cooking show. Last night I took organic brown sugar, Campbell’s tomato soup and week old quinoa, threw them in the trash and ordered Chinese! And it was delicious!

THE DAILY SHOW: I’m not sure what I loved more: Jon Stewart’s merciless skewering of Glenn “I’m such a moron, I think libraries are free” Beck or the outrageous, X-rated conversation between Stewart and Ricky Gervais.

TOOT & PUDDLE:I was a little skeptical when a straight mom told me this Nick Jr. show featured two pigs who she thought are clearly a gay couple. But based on watching one episode, I think she’s on to something. Oink, oink.

OLYMPIC FIGURE SKATING: If we’re going to really butch this sport up enough so little straight boys finally have a sport to call their own, I suggest giving the audience grenades they can throw at the skaters while they perform. I’m sure Glen Beck and all those idiotic sportscasters trashing Johnny Weir would approve.

BIG LOVE: Not only did we have no Alby, but the scene where Lois somehow managed to chop off a grown man’s arm in one fell swoop is the cheesiest looking special effect since I made GI Joe and Ken do it in front of my brother. Misty water colored memories…

FUNNY OR DIE PRESENTS: You know that hilarious website with those really funny videos? Well, the folks doing this TV version have apparently never seen the website because Dale’s suicide on Big Love last week had more laughs.

THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW: Ellen would have gotten an up arrow just for discussing I Love You Phillip Morris and how some immature journalists reacted to Ewan McGregor kissing Jim Carrey, but then she went and showed a pic of Ewan in a kilt. I Love You Ellen DeGeneres!

LARRY KING LIVE: Now I know why I don’t like Evan Lysacek so much! He looks and sounds just like creepy Chad from Million Dollar Listing. And his personality seems about as appealing. As for Larry’s questions, a six-year-old would be a tougher interviewer.

Annoying creeps separated at birth or the same person?

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE: Pandora Boxx can do Kathy Griffin and Carol Channing? You go girl! As for Morgan McMichaels and Sonique, please just go.

CRAIG FERGUSON: A talk show host and a guest just … talking? For an hour? Without stupid pet tricks or stupid man on the street interviews? What fresh madness is this? As for guest Stephen Fry. Gen-yus!

PROJECT RUNWAY: If the episode is about children and clothing, Kathy Lee Gifford should’ve been the guest judge and the challenge should’ve been the kids sewing whatever the designers dreamed up for Kathy’s clothing line.

Project Runway’s Anthony Williams

THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM: The first ep was a little off, but the show bounced back nicely with Sarah St. Clair as a children’s entertainer from hell. I’d actually watch that show.

ARCHER: This show is so crude, crass and vulgar, I should be appalled that I keep watching. And yet, I’m delighted it’s been picked up for a second season. And it also totally supports Brent’s thesis about homoeroticism and straight men.

Next page! What to watch this week!


If you think Tracy Morgan is funny, seek help immediately you’re in luck as Cop Out opens this weekend starring Morgan, Bruce Willis and out actor Guillermo Diaz. I’d normally be worried about a cop buddy movie like this, but the very gay-friendly Kevin Smith (Chasing Amy) directed.

On the other hand, another cop buddy movie? That’s about as fresh as another TV series set in a hospital. (Sorry, Guillermo!) I saw the movie earlier this week, and while it has some very nice Kevin Smith dialogue/situations, it doesn’t exactly reinvent the genre.

But it is remarkable in one important sense: despite being an action cop buddy movie, Cop Out doesn’t have a single moment of gay panic, a single use of the word “faggot”, or any anti-gay humor at all. It’s almost as if Smith has never seen one of these movies before!

Guillermo Diaz playing a baddie

On the the other hand, we hear the words bitch, p*ssy, and puta a whole lot. So yay for the gays! Boo for the ladies…

Also opening on Friday is The Crazies, which I believe is a documentary about about the recent Tea Party convention that featured Sarah Palin using her palm as a cheat sheet. It’s either that or a remake of George Romero’s earlier flick about a town that goes nuts when their water supply is contaminated. Hmm, maybe that explains Washington, D.C.

Did I mention it stars the very appealing Timothy Olyphant?

Timothy Olyphant?
Crazy handsome…

If you’re jonesing for some award ceremony action, on Friday night Fox is broadcasting the 41st Annual NAACP Awards. Precious is up for Best Picture along with Lee Daniels for directing it. while TV noms of note include out director Paris Barclay for his work on CSI, plus Glee and Ugly Betty are up for Outstanding Comedy Series, and The Wanda Sykes Show for Best Talk Show.

Friday night’s Caprica is called “There Is Another Sky” which makes me think of Vanilla Sky
which makes me want a vanilla latte which makes me think that isn’t a
very good name for an episode. Either that or I need caffeine.

I don’t think we’ll be seeing much Sam Adama in the episode as
it appears to be about Tamara Adama exploring the virtual world while
Joseph reconnects with his son. Probably at a Starbucks where they’ll
have vanilla lattes. If we don’t see Sam, I at least hope we get kick ass Nana Adama!

Sadly, the Caprica recap will be late this week as SyFy didn’t make the ep available ahead of time.

Next page! What on earth could be “delicate” about Spartacus?

Meanwhile, Friday night’s Spartacus is called “Delicate Things” which makes it sound like the gladiators are going to be washing their loincloths in Woolite. But it’s actually about Batiatus promising Spartacus all kinds of great things for winning the Primus, including reuniting with his wife. Like that’s going to happen already. Plus, the badly injured Crixus’ life is in the hands of the Gods. Hey, it can’t be worse than Blue Cross/Blue Shield!

In all seriousness, I’ve seen the episode and it’s a doozy. It’s the best so far and is very Shakespearean in nature, featuring not one, but two rather shocking deaths and some pretty stunning betrayals.

What’s with the guys behind them? Are they at a gladiator bar?

Friday night also has a new Shameless and a new Real Time with Bill Maher.
Saturday night you have to chose choose between Wanda Sykes’ talkshow and Jennifer Lopez hosting Saturday Night Live. Okay, that’s not exactly Sophie’s Choice or anything.

Or if you’re lucky enough to be in Australia, Matthew Mitcham has made it to the final four of Australia’s Strongest Man and is holding his own against much bigger competitors (although he lost his sport specific event this week which was … abdominal strength?) The little guy has a lot of heart.

Matthew sprinting for the finals

Sunday night’s The Amazing Race is called “Run Like Scalded Dogs!” and sounds like something Jet and Cord would say. In case you missed it, here is our interview with Jordan Pious from Team Gay Bro.

Sunday’s Desperate Housewives has Gabymoving in with the gays and discovering just how fun and fabulous we are! Because the Monkey and I live just like that with parties every week and gourmet meals. And by parties I mean Netflix and by gourmet food, I mean Domino’s.

Sunday’s Brothers & Sisters is called “Leap of Faith,” but it might as well be called Kevin’s break-up. Don’t worry, it’s not Scotty he breaks up with.

KEVIN: I just can’t quit you, Robert!
AFTERELTON: Yes you can! We’ll help!

There are only two eps of Big Love left but Sunday’s preview doesn’t show anything about Alby. Here’s hoping we don’t have to wait until next season for him to get payback for Dale’s death.

How I Met Your Mother is back with a new ep that is most notable for its use of a teacup pig. Neil Patrick Harris’ partner David Burtka reprises his role as the lovestruck Scooter who is smitten with Lily. Monday also has a new RuPaul’s Drag Race along with Jay McCarroll on Celebrity Fit Club. Also, the new cast for Dancing with the Stars will be announced on Monday’s The Bachelor finale and Olympic Gold medalist Greg Louganis is rumored to be in the running.

Next page! New episodes of Southland!

Southland is finally back with new episodes on Tuesday night and the show picked up right where it left off. Officer John Cooper gets about the same amount of screen time as previous episodes, but we don’t learn anything more about his private life … this episode.

But the following week, something very interesting does happen that I suspect will set tongues wagging! BTW, check back Wednesday morning for our review of the new episode.

Also on Tuesday, Ellen keeps making American Idol worth watching.

Modern Family is back on Wednesday night. Woo hoo! Judging from this picture from the episode, Mitch and Cam have some sort of breakthrough with Lily.

LILY: Are my daddies going to kiss now?

Cougar Town is also back and Oprah has an Oscar special. Does Barbara Walters know about this? There is also a new Shear Genius if you’re that hard up. And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that Nip/Tuck, which has variously been gay-inclusive and wildly offensive, has its series finale on Wednesday night. There is also a new The Real World and a new The Robert Verdi Show starring Robert Verdi.

Finally, NBC has not one, but two Law & Order: SVUs that are of at least some gay interest. The first is called “PC” and features Kathy Griffin playing a lesbian. This is clearly going against type as Kathy should be playing a gay man, but whatever. She’s a fine actress and I’m sure she can pull it off.

A gay man in a straight woman’s body playing a lesbian.
Is that clear now?

The second episode and is called “Savior.” There is no direct gay connection except that Lee Tergesen guest stars which puts him back with Christopher Meloni who was his love interest on Oz.

No, they don’t kiss. Use Netflix to see that.

Thursday night has a new Project Runway, a new Archer, and Jerry Seinfeld’s The Marriage Ref. While the show put out a call for gay couples to participate, thus far none of the eps have included a gay couple. Any volunteers?


Congrats to Sexiest Avatar winner Patrick who won with his smokin’ hot, blowing sheet Avatar!

If one sexy avatar is good, four must be even better!

If you have suggestions for another avatar battle, put them in the comments or email me at

And now I’ll shut up so you can have the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER!