IT'S THE BEST GAY TCA EVER!

Hey, everybody, Michael Jensen here! You know, the editor of AfterElton.com? You remember me, right? Used to write the BGWE all the time? Anyone? No one, huh? Sigh...

Sheesh, a guy takes a couple of weeks off for the holidays, then spends two weeks in Los Angeles for the Television Critics Association (TCA) January Tour and he's totally forgotten. I might as well be Topher Grace.

So how was this year's TCA? Flying down to LA, I wasn't wildly optimistic especially as some of the new shows I already knew about, such as Comedy Central's Krod Mandoon and the Flaming Sword of Fire, didn't exactly inspire me with confidence for good gay viewing.

Jake Nodar, Chris Colfer, Marques Ray, Matt Ross, Ian McKellen, Haaz Sleiman, Keir Gilchrist, Desmond Dube, Andrew Legustambos, Ted Haggard

So imagine my surprise when I turned up news about some new gay character or gay storyline almost every day. Okay, not all of them are good storylines/characters, but quite a few are and one or two might even be groundbreaking. Read on for the highlights, the lowlights, and a special IMHO: TCA Edition.

THE PEACOCK GETS PINKER. IT'S ABOUT TIME, TOO

As longtime readers of AfterElton.com are well aware, the go-to network for gay content the past couple of years has been ABC with Brothers & Sisters, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives and more all having gay characters. And I had no reason to think things would change significantly this year, but between NBC’s intriguing remake of Kings and the new police drama Southland, the Peacock Network not only added some pink to its color scheme, but did so with potentially groundbreaking characters.

I don’t want to give anything away, but Kings, set in an "alternative" (possibly "confusing") world, will include a major gay character who not only looks to be at the center of the action, but might very well be unlike anything ever seen before on network TV.

As for the gay cop on Southland, much depends on the writers' execution of the character. A tortured closet-case hiding his sexuality would so not be interesting. Much better would be an out gay man dealing with the same trials and tribulations all cops face. (To see pics of and speculate about the potential gay cops go here.)

One of these guys and gals in blue is a little pink at heart

Either way, kudos to NBC for finally moving past fleeting shots of Oscar on The Office and Will Arnett as Devon Banks ogling Kenneth on 30 Rock.

Alas, neither ABC or CBS presented any new shows with compelling gay content while Fox finally has a strong candidate in Ryan Murphy's Glee. Alas, that is offset by a potentially offensive bisexual character in the animated Sit Down, Shut Up. As usual, the cable networks were much stronger with a number of new shows with great gay content.

Next page! Seafood as a metaphor for sexuality!

IS THAT AN OYSTERS/SNAILS QUESTIONS?

In a previous life, I was a historical novelist, and I especially loved ancient history — Greek, Roman, and even older. So I was definitely stoked when I heard the Starz network plans later this year to launch Spartacus, a new series "that will reinvent and reinterpret the ancient legend of

the rebellious warrior slave."

Naturally the first question that popped into my head was whether or not the show would acknowledge the existence of same-sex relationships that were commonplace in Ancient Rome. That question came up during the panel which prompted Spartacus' show runner Steven S. DeKnight to quip, "Is that an oysters or snails question?"

Laurence Olivier and Tony Curtis discussing what kind of delicacies they prefer in Spartacus

DeKnight referred to a famous scene from Stanley Kubrick's 1960 epic Spartacus where Crassus (Laurence Olivier) seemingly hits on a slave named Antoninus (Tony Curtis) by pointing out different toga-clad dudes had different tastes — some men like oysters, some like snails and some like both. However, the actual "tastes" to which Crassus euphemistically referred to were not lost on TPTB and the scene was cut (and only recently restored).

So how gay will the new Spartacus be? To hear Spartacus's executive producer (and Xena: Warrior Princess mastermind) Rob Tapert tell it, very. Tapert told reporters "The beauty of being on premium cable is that

there is no story that we can’t tell in detail. So the

gay stories are totally accessible and don’t have to be

handled with kid gloves. They can be confronted head-on." DeKnight added, "There will definitely be gay characters on

the show, and relationships.

"

At that point I jumped up and said, "Woo hoo!" Okay, not really. Well, maybe a little.

Roman Emperor Hadrian and his lover Antinous, second century A.D.

I spoke with DeKnight after the panel as well and was impressed by how much research he was doing into the topic and how much he already understood. In much of the ancient world, same-sex relationships weren't necessarily taboo. What most mattered was who was submissive and who was dominant. It was all about social position such as with Emperor Hadrian and his young lover Antinous pictured above.

Alas, there isn't a single line of dialogue written or an actor cast yet so it's impossible to know how this rendition of Spartacus will turn out, but given Tapert and DeKnight's statements thus far, I'm at least cautiously optimistic. (Plus Sam Raimi is involved so at least we know it will look great.)

And it certainly can't be anymore disappointing than Oliver Stone's Alexander starring Colin Farrell as Alexander and and Jared Leto as his lover Hephaistion.

Leto: Does the script say anything about us ever kissing?

Farrell: Nope, but if we did ever get it on, I'd so be the dominant one!

Next page! A look back at "classic" portrayals from the ancient world!

Naturally, the Spartacus panel got me thinking about some past TV and movie depictions of famous Greeks and Romans, so I did a little digging and here are some past famous (and not so famous) performances of the ancient world.

Starting with Spartacus, we have Kirk Douglas in the 1960 version and Goran Visnjic in a 2004 television version.

Kirk Douglas, Goran Visnjic. Hard to say who looks sillier in those ... shorts?

Next up is Hercules with Steve Reeves in the film from 1958 and Kevin Sorbo from the 1995 television series.

Kevin Sorbo: My Hercules would so not lose a fight to Xena. Okay, he would. But my hair is prettier!

Here we have Marlon Brando playing Mark Antony in 1953's Julius Caesar and James Purefoy in the same role from the 2005 HBO series Rome.

Hopefully Starz' Spartacus will be more Rome and less Caesar if you get my drift

Finally, I leave you with Gerard Butler as King Leonidas in 2006's 300 and Sean Magure playing the same part in last year's Meet The Spartans.

Hmm, hard to say which character is actually campier

Next page! I theorize about what wiped out the dinosuars. And by dinosaurs, I mean the traditional media.

MAYBE TWITTER KILLED THE DINOSAURS TOO

This was my third TCA and just like the previous two, the effect of the internet on traditional media was a big topic of conversation. Basically, traditional media — read: newspapers — are taking a major beating, and each subsequent TCA sees fewer and fewer print folks and more of us internet-only sorts.

The big topic of conversation this time was the idea of "twittering", something I did quite a bit of and something which really rankled some in the old guard. Coming back from the Fox party, I overheard one fellow from the a print paper mutter, "All some of these folks have to do is twitter and then they're done!"

Yeah, that's all I did — twitter and then lounge around eating bon-bons while Bobby Cannavale massaged my feet. If only!

The truth of the matter is, I first twittered something (not as easy as you'd think!), then if it was something substantial, I blogged about it. And if it was really substantial, I did interviews, wrote articles or even did vlogs (with the help of Mores for Gays' Daniel Leary). Meanwhile, some of these guys griping about us internet folks would file one story a day. Poor baby.

That being said, I feel sympathy for folks in the traditional media--someday I'm sure I'll have a hard time dealing with the rise of "holo-sites" (where a holo-Bobby Cannavale really will massage your feet!). But hey, the times are changing and they have to change with it. That's why I really admire those who work for newspapers but have adapted to the changing environment. Folks such as the Kansas City Star's Aaron Barnhart who writes TV Barn.com, Maureen Ryan of The Chicago Tribune who pens The Watcher and the king of internet chatter, EW's Michael Ausiello.

Speaking of twitters, if you're not already following ours, you can sign up here. Don't worry — we promise not to twitter you with what we had for breakfast or how hot that Starbucks barista was this morning.

We're also trying something new. We've set up an AfterElton.com twitter page where you can send us and your fellow AfterEltoners your twitters about what you're watching, reading, etc. that our readers would be in interested in hearing about. To begin doing that, start a tweet with @afterelton_live, and it will appear on the AfterElton tweet page a few minutes later!

Speaking of dinosaurs and attitudes that should die out, there were two particular exchanges during TCA panels that made me groan. The first was during the panel for BBC America's new show Mistresses when a reporter asked actress Shelley Conn (pictured below) what it had been like to make-out with co-star Anna Torv (Fringe) for their storyline. Asked the reporter "What was

that experience like? Because it’s probably a

different kind of acting than you usually have."

Did he really just ask me that? Why he's nothing but a pervy old man!

Getty Images/Frederick M. Brown

Seriously, dude, a different kind of acting? As opposed to the kind Torv is doing now on Fringe where she shoots people in the forehead, climbs naked into tubs of goo, and chases big slimy slugs? I can't believe its 2009 and serious journalists still think kissing someone of the same-sex is a "different" kind of acting. It's certainly the same kind of stupid. (BTW, that is actually the look Conn gave the journalist who asked that question.)

The second caveman comment came during the panel for The United States of Tara when the fossil grumbling earlier about twittering shared with the room that the idea of sleeping with a man was icky. Glad he told me because after eight days I was getting awfully lonely and he was starting to look tempting.

I'm sure you won't be surprised to know every time this guy happened to look at me, the expression on his face was as if I was something he had stepped in.

Perhaps he would feel better if he twittered about it. He is a twit after all.

Next page! Man gardens! That's so Will! And touching Omar Sharif!

DID HE/SHE/THEY REALLY JUST SAY THAT?

Every TCA is chockful of intentionally and unintentionally hilarious comments that usually don't qualify as breaking news. But I've got fourteen pages of column to fill up (kidding! seriously, this is all "A" material, I swear!) so I thought I would include some of the funnier moments.

Billie Piper: Did he really just say "man garden"?

Rebecca de Souza: I'm afraid so. I'll let you field that one.

Billie Piper and Rebecca de Souza (Getty Images/Frederick M. Brown)

The subject of nudity came up during the panel for Showtime's Secret Diary of a Call Girl starring Billie Piper and executive produced by Rebecca de Souza. To protect the delicate sensibilities of us journalists, de Souza referred to women's naughty bits shown on the show as "lady gardens" which prompted the following exchange:

REPORTER: Do we get to see any man gardens?

BILLIE PIPER:: You can’t help but see a bit of the men

garden because the poor guys, they have to

wear these kind of like penis socks.

REBECCA DE SOUZA: Yes, modesty sacks.

BP: They’re called modesty sacks, but

they’re so ... they’re awful. You can see everything.

And, you know, so you definitely get to see...

RDS: There are a few hanging loose,

shall we say.

BP: But everyone is completely exposed.

RDS: Yeah, but there aren’t any sort of

“ready for action.” You are not allowed to see them

“ready for action.” That’s the rule.

BP: That’s funny.

Hmm, do you think this is what they meant?

WOULD KING LEAR WEAR A MODESTY SACK?

Ian McKellen showed up to tout his role as King Lear for the PBS broadcast of his acclaimed performance in of one of the Bard's greatest works. Naturally, the subject of his nude scene had to come up (us TV critics are a pervy lot) about which Sir Ian was quite frank:

Every night, when I take

my clothes off, you know what I used to do? Pull in my

stomach. That's pathetic. I was playing an old man. I

should have let it all hang out, and I couldn't do that.

QUEEN LATIFAH AND PINK, SURE. BUT ELLEN?

Portia de Rossi was in town to promote her new ABC show Better Off Ted when she was asked what attracted her to the part of Veronica. Her answer? "I'm really attracted to strong women. [Pause] Let me rephrase that actually."

I like a woman who can lift me up and spin me around like a baton!

Getty Images/Frederick M. Brown

IS HE A MAN OR A TEDDYBEAR?

Another of HBO's new shows is Eastbound & Down about a down-on-his luck baseball player turned PE coach at his old school. It stars Danny McBride as the player/coach and is executive produced by Adam McKay. During the panel, McBride was asked if he had any nude scenes in the show, prompting the following exchange between him and McKay.

DANNY MCBRIDE: You know, from the get-go I was like, I

just want to be naked as much as I can in this project.

But we only got one in. There was only one nude thing.

ADAM MCKAY: I actually shot one of the episodes and one

of the things few people know about Danny is he has a

lovely, lovely body, a very furry and enjoyable body.

And we shot pretty much 200,000 feet of film on his naked body, black-and-whites, step frame. It's a gorgeous, gorgeous body.

DANNY MCBRIDE: It is. It's great. But that wasn't even

for the project, Adam. That was just for us.

Their panel included quite a bit of similar back-and-forth, and I appreciated that it never descended into some sort of gay-baiting exchange. They were just funny.

Next page! You touched Omar Sharif where?

THAT'S SO WILL!

Another duo that was very funny was Eric McCormack (Will & Grace) and Tom Cavanagh (Breakfast with Scot), the stars of the new TNT show Trust Me. Frankly, I thought they had better chemistry during their panel than they did on the show (and I wasn't the only critic who thought so).

Naturally, there was a question about Eric's time as the "iconic" Will

Truman to which McCormack responded by saying "The problem with iconic

characters is no matter what you do, [people see you as that character]. I mean, I can play an

Hispanic drug dealer, and somebody would go, 'That's so Will. Did you

see that?'"

The poor guy has a point.

Eric McCormack: Did I ever tell you your eyes are dreamy?

Tom Cavanagh: That's so Will!

Wire Image/Lester Cohen

Meanwhile, Conan O'Brien was asked if he planned on changing his shtick with his new time slot. Conan was very frank that he wouldn't and would stick what he knew and liked. Said the comedian, "I like to stand on things.

I like to lick things. I like to jump around."

Funny thing is, I don't think he was kidding.

John Corbett of Northern Exposure and Sex and the City fame plays the dad on Showtime's new dramedy The United States of Tara (and basically plays the same type of character he always does; honestly, he is the least interesting thing on the show). Corbett was asked about his character's reaction to his wife's alternate personalities which he's known about for seventeen years and which isn't a big deal anymore. Corbett says his character is fine with that, but the fact his son likes boys? "I’m still getting over the fact that my son’s gay. This is all new to me. I thought he was just flamboyant."

John Corbett: The "flamboyant" tie should've been a dead giveaway!

Getty Images/Frederick M. Brown

YES, BUT DID YOU WASH YOUR HANDS AFTERWARD?

But the single weirdest moment of the panels for me was when the cast of the NBC movie The Last Templar were asked to share an amusing anecdote about filming the movie and Scott Foley came up with this doozy about meeting Omar Sharif.

And he kept standing up and signing autographs and taking pictures with the local crew, and I didn’t want to bother him. But I went over when it looked like

he was done and introduced myself to him. He said –

he said, "God damn it." He took my hand and he put it

on his crotch. He said, "I got a hernia. They keep

making me stand up." And my wife was visiting at the

time, and she said, "Did you — was that — what

happened?" And I said, "I think I just — I think I

just touched Omar Sharif in a place that — that a lot

of people wish they could touch Omar Sharif."

When he finished, Foley looked at the audience and asked "That's a good story, right?"

Um, sure, Scott, sure.

Omar Sharif: Here, let me show you.

Scott Foley: After that everything went black.

Getty Images/Frederick M. Brown

Next page! IMHO: The TCA edition!

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION: THE TCA EDITION

Since I was locked up in a hotel ballroom for the past two weeks watching an endless parade of stars blur into one humongous celebrity (was that Sir Ian Cannavale Nick Joe Jonas I just interviewed or Mira Mullally Chenoweth Maddow?), I actually haven’t seen any regularly airing television. So for the love of God, someone please tell me what happened on Battlestar Galactica!

So this week I’m going to be reviewing those shows from the TCA for which I got to see screeners as well as those shows I simply learned about but about which I have formed a snap judgment. You want fourteen page in-depth reviews based on long hours of thoughtful analysis? Get a subscription to The New Yorker!

Cupid: It's nice to have gay fave Bobby Cannavale (Will & Grace) back on our screens looking as adorable as ever. Alas, the show doesn't include any gay characters, but supposedly one of the matches made by Cannavale will be a gay couple. Eventually. Which means I'll applaud it when I see it.

Sit Down, Shut Up: Talking with Nick Kroll who plays Andrew Legustambos on Fox’s latest animated sitcom actually made me more dubious about this show. As drawn, the character already looks to be a cliché despite the novelty of being bisexual, and hearing Kroll say he sounds a bit like Snagglepuss and is overtly sexual gives me a sinking feeling.

Glee: For many in the gay community, Glee’s creator Ryan Murphy is a polarizing figure thanks to some of his plots on Nip/Tuck. And after watching the pilot for Glee which includes Kurt (Chris Colfer), a rather cliché gay high school student, I was feeling dubious myself. But after talking with Murphy and hearing what he has in store for Kurt, I’m cautiously optimistic. Did I mention the music? Wait until you see the brilliant rendition of Amy Winehouse’s "Rehab" in the premiere.

The Trials of Ted Haggard: Go away already, Haggard. You still don’t get it and probably never will. I hope you are happy, but I don’t need to learn anymore about your sad life. And how about Alexandra Pelosi doing a documentary about how actual gay people are dealing with the discrimination we face?

Krod Mandoon: We only meet Bruce (described in the Comedy Central press release as “simply fabulous”. Ugh) at the end of the first episode. Unfortunately, he seems a bit like Andrew, above, come to life. However, talking to the show’s creators and getting their take on Bruce and what they have in store for him has me thinking “proceed with caution”. And they do get credit for not making their villain Dongalor (Matt Lucas) the stereotypically effeminate type we’ve seen far too often.

King Lear It’s Ian McKellen captured on film doing his acclaimed performance as King Lear. Like I’m not going to give it in an up arrow!

The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency: Someone actually “gayed” a show up – and they aren’t even gay themselves? Excuse me, but what network am I watching? Oh, yeah, it’s HBO. Based on the Andrew McCall Smith novels and adapted by Anthony Minghella, No. 1 Ladies includes BK (Desmond Dube) an out African man on a continent where they are seldom seen.

Nurse Jackie: Created by two out lesbians, this Showtime drama starring Edie Falco includes Mo-Mo (Haaz Sleiman) an actual gay man of color. I know – try not to faint! Brixus and Wallem did their research and want this character to do justice to all the gay men toiling away in hospitals.

Out of the Wild: It took The Discovery Channel twenty-five years to discover a gay on their own network, but it looks like they found a winner in Jake Nodar . I haven’t seen the first episode yet, but I’ve met and interviewed Jake and he is quite the catch. Methinks you’ll be wild about Wild.

The Prisoner: As if starring Ian McKellen wasn’t enough, I also learned from the show’s producers that the remake of the classic British TV series was going to include one character exploring his sexuality. Now I definitely find that arresting!

The United States of Tara: I have seen the first four episodes and given that it stars the magnificent Toni Collette, it would have to pretty colossally suck for me not to like it. Not only does it not suck, it’s actually pretty good. Even better is Keir Gilchrist as Marshall, an out-and-proud teenager accepted by his parents. It’s not perfect, but it is daring and fresh and beats hell out of another edition of CSI.

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE!

Given that the Oscar nominations were announced yesterday, it isn't exactly a surprise that Hollywood isn't trotting out a lot of high profile pics this weekend. Nor is there much on DVD so how about we chew over those noms for a couple of minutes before getting to the TV line-up for the week?

I haven't seen all five of the Best Pic nominees yet, but I have seen Milk, Frost/Nixon and Slumdog Millionaire so I feel confident weighing in a little. Given that I'm the editor of this site, I can't imagine how much scalding hot water I'm going to get into for saying this, but here goes: while I am ecstatically happy to see a gay movie such as Milk get eight nods including Best Picture, Best Director and Best Actor categories, I'd have to vote for Milk's competitor each time.

Frank Langella in Frost/Nixon, Dev Patel in Slumdog Millionaire, Sean Penn in Milk

For my money, of those three, Slumdog Millionaire walks off with Best Picture (Frost/Nixon would be second) while I'd give the Best Actor nod to Frank Langella for his performance as Nixon and frankly, I'd be fine with either Danny Boyle or Ron Howard snagging the Best Director trophy.

Milk is a good movie, and even important in its way, but Best Picture? I don't think so. And while Sean Penn was fantastic as Harvey Milk, I found Langella a little better with a more challenging part. (Plus, Penn already has an Oscar and will no doubt be nominated many more times. Langella, not so much.)

Let the scalding begin!

The highlight of the TV week is definitely Saturday night when Lifetime airs Prayers for Bobby starring Sigourney Weaver, the true story of Mary Griffith whose gay son killed himself after she rejected him when he came out.

Ryan Kelley, Henry Czerny, and Sigourney Weaver

in a scene from Prayers for Bobby

Also on Saturday night is a new Color Splash with David Bromstad while the final episode of The Graham Norton Show features Jessica Biel and Academy Award nominee Mickey Rourke.

The United States of Tara pulled in huge numbers in its premiere last Sunday, doing better than the series premieres of Showtimes' Weeds, Dexter, The Tudors, and Californication. I've watched the first four episodes, and I like what I've seen so far, especially with Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) as the gay son whose homosexuality is no big deal. An upcoming storyline involves Marshall's crush on a fellow student who is so religious he's putting together a Hell House and asks Marshall to play an AIDS victim being flogged in hell. On the plus side, we get to see John Corbett's derriere.

Wednesday JD and Katelynn are back on The Real World: Brooklyn and on Thursday, HBO airs The Trials of Ted Haggard which I can't exactly rave about. On one hand you've got a well-adjusted gay man and on the other a guy who still can't say exactly what his sexual orientation is. Which do you want to watch?

J.D. and Katelynn

Other items of interest this week include the 15th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards Sunday night on TNT as well as NBC's The Last Templar, a mini-series starring Victor Garber. Folks have been raving about The Secret Life of the American Teenager on ABC Family airing on Monday or you could slum it with a new Bromance on MTV.

Kyra Sedgwick's The Closer is back on Monday and while it doesn't have a gay storyline or a gay character, it does have out actor Phillip P. Keene.

Phillip P. Keene

And for those who still have yet to see Gene Robinson's prayer that wasn't originally aired before the "We Are One" concert on Sunday, HBO is re-airing it on Saturday at 6 PM and Sunday at 3:30 PM ET/PT with Robinson's prayer included. Or you can watch it online at HBO.com.

As long as we're discussing the Robinson situation, I want to again throw in my two-cents worth that I don't think excluding him from the concert was done purposefully (definitely not by HBO) and that it's way too early to decide Obama is somehow "against" us.

Rather than judging him on what was likely an oversight by some flunky (unlike the whole Rick Warren fiasco, which was admittedly a huge mistep), I'll wait and see what happens with Don't Ask/Don't Tell, abstinence-only education, the hate crimes and anti-discrimination bills, and some sort of civil partnership legisation. I care about those a whole lot more than some prayer by a wingnut. You may now resume the scalding.

Next page! What was Barney Frank doing on Inauguration Day?

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Tuesday was a huge day not just for Barack Obama, but for the entire country. Gene Robinson delivered his prayer at the Inaugural concert, Melissa Etheridge was on the podium while Barack was sworn in and millions of gays and lesbians looked on hopefully. Naturally, Congressman Barney Frank was also present and apparently he had quite an agenda for the day. An alert AfterElton.com reader found this to-do list laying around on the National Mall which he passed on to us.

Don't you just heart Barney?

YES, STRAIGHT GUYS READ AFTERELTON.COM!

One of my favorite gay bloggers is Rod McCullom of Rod 2.0 and he I were corresponding the other day when he told me that his cousin Chris — who is a straight guy — is a huge fan of AfterElton.com and especially loves the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER. Rod didn't say Chris is amazingly intelligent or has great taste, but that is clearly the case. However, Rod did say Chris is a great ally to us 'mos and educates his fellow straights all about us. So here is a special shout out to Chris in Las Vegas!

Any other straight boys reading AfterElton.com?

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING GAY ABOUT THE FERRIS WHEEL

Except for one half of one Sunday, literally the only time I took off during the TCA was to sleep. That half-day I slipped over to Universal Studios amusement park where I got to ride the new Simpson's-themed simulator ride which I have to say is amazing.

The effects are fantastic, but what really impressed me is that the ride actually had a clever little story featuring Sideshow Bob and Maggie. Plus it was fun catching a glimpse of Mr. Smithers and Mr. Burns sailing over Springfield in a hot air balloon.

Inspired by the sight — and because I'm way too neurotic to take time off without turning it into fodder for AfterElton.com — I dreamed up some other gay amusement park rides it we might see some day.

THE LUKE AND NOAH TUNNEL OF LOVE

Now that the boys have done the deed and seem to be a real couple (at least for the time being!) what could be more romantic than a Tunnel of Love inspired by Nuke?

Next page! A terrifying gay-themed ride!

THE HAUNTED HOUSE OF GAY CLICHES!

An amusement park isn't an amusement park without a haunted house and what is more scary for us gay folks than all of those horrible gay stereotypes television and the movies have thrown our way year after year?

With this ride you can sit back and shudder at the sight of bitchy gay zombie assistants rising from the grave, ghoulish self-hating gay killers stalking straight women, and sexless gay eunuchs providing shoulders for their best female friends to cry on.

THE PROP 8 TOWER OF TERROR DROP

Us gay folks are all too used to that familiar sense of inching our way upward, expectations climbing, only to have the bottom suddenly drop out. After all, that's exactly what happened with Prop 8 as everyone had pretty high expectations that the state of California would show the rest of the country just how far we had come only to have...

...our expectations sent plunging back to earth. But being good gays, of course we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start all over again.

What gay-themed amusement park rides would you like to see?

AND THE WINNER IS...

No, I'm not talking about the Academy Awards. I refer to the First Annual AfterElton.com Short Film contest! We originally planned to announce the winner last month, but with so much content it took us a little longer to get to than expected. However, we now have a winner! It's Affinity written by Luis Midence and directed by Justine Stokes. Enjoy!

And on that note, have the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER!