YOU ARE GETTING SLEEPY! VERY SLEEPY!
I normally wait until FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE to write about the week’s television offerings, but two shows have inspired me to change things up this week. One is a very good show and one is a very very bad show.
Ever since it came back, I’ve been going on about how great I think Ugly Betty is this season and how disappointed I’ve been in the ratings and how happy I am the show is moving to Wednesdays, something that is still happening according to my source, despite what Michael Ausiello has been told. (Only time will tell for sure!)
But despite my best efforts, Ugly Betty continues to languish in the ratings, so this week I’m going to try something different to boost its ratings. So relax, stare into the picture below and listen to the soothing sounds of my voice. Aren’t you feeling relaxed? Ahh… Now open your mind and …
…YOU BETTER START WATCHING UGLY BETTY BEFORE I COMPLETELY LOSE IT AND SIC A WHOLE SWARM OF FLYING MONKEYS ON YOU UNGRATEFUL LOT!
Oh, dear. I just came unhinged there a bit, didn’t I?
Okay, in all seriousness, I am loving the show and I absolutely think you should watch tonight’s episode of Ugly Betty
(reviewed here by Brent) which gives a nice serving of Justin and Marc. I don’t want to overstate
things, so let me make it clear they aren’t the focus of the episode and, no, Justin does not
But the episode does go there in a surprising and touching
away that I don’t think you’ll want to miss. And I think what the show is doing with the Marc/Justin storyline — an older gay guy mentoring a possibly gay younger guy — is truly groundbreaking for network television. And I happen to know that storyline is going to continue on, unless the damned show gets canceled. So do your part and watch!
And if not for Justin, the how about this hunky guy that both Betty and Hilda have their eyes on?
Next page! See how six hours can feel like a life sentence!
Up next we have AMC’s mini-series The Prisoner starring Sir Ian McKellen that debuts this Sunday night. Brent reviewed the show and as you can clearly see, he didn’t like it. But IMHO, his review doesn’t do justice
to the awfulness of the whole miserable six-hour experience.
It’s Ian McKellen, but it’s no Lord of the Rings!
As Brent notes in his review, we watched and reviewed the miniseries (based on the 1960’s original of the same name) not only because of McKellen, but since one of the main characters is gay. Alas, the character is in the vein of the tragic homosexual and nothing good comes to him or his boyfriend. In fact, it’s really quite unpleasant and creepy.
Better ways to spend your time than watching The Prisoner.
But that isn’t why I hated it. I hated it because it’s a boring, horrible, meandering glob of moody music, "artistic" shots and psychobabble that goes down like a piece of year old toast with a sand chaser. You can watch it if you insist, but honestly, here are five things I’d suggest you do instead of watching The Prisoner.
- Give Glenn Beck a sponge bath
- Count dead rats in the city park
- Watch Naked Nympho Slumber Party which airs on iNPPV at the same time
- Go to lunch with Maggie Gallagher. Then give her a sponge bath.
- Jab utensils into electric outlets
Yep, it’s that bad.
BTW, dear AMC publicists, before you delete my name from your address book, please note how much coverage we gave to Mad Men and how much I raved about Breaking Bad.
Next page! A cornucopia of Asshats or go here instead!
ASSHAT OF THE WEEK
A homophobic newspaper gets called out, a pretty-faced Marine is a homophobe and a racist, a wingnut columnist, and why hasn’t Rhode Island recalled their asshat governor yet?
Before I actually get to this week’s nominees, I wanted to take a moment to address a comment about last week’s Asshat voting by one of my favorite AE readers, Dennis Mpls (you should "buddy" him and follow all his comments because he’s so smart and thoughtful).
In a very thoughtful comment, Dennis disagreed with my calling all of those voters in Maine who supported repealing gay marriage in that state "bigots." I didn’t have time to respond last week, but did want to say that while I think Dennis makes a lot of valid points, I don’t regret my choice of words for several reasons.
First of all, that campaign was so nasty and such vicious lies were told about gay people, that I don’t care how concerned and frightened about the changing world someone is, to allow yourself to support that kind of rhetoric and strip gay people of some of their fundamental rights, indicates a level of intolerance that I can only call bigotry.
Second, the "changing world rationale" world is an excuse that has been used since the first serf asked for the right to vote and I’m sick of it. I just don’t think many folks look back at those white people who reacted negatively to African-Americans demanding their rights, and think they were anything other than bigots.
Finally, bigotry is something most people don’t like to be associated with and by calling bigots by what they are, I think that forces some of them to take a long hard look at themselves. That being said, I’m glad there are folks like Dennis in the world because there is more than one way to approach the topic and I think a mixture of the two approaches is probably the best in the long run.
1) The Washington Times
Why? This week Media Matters called out wingut newspaper The Washington Times for that paper’s long long history of gay-baiting, gay-bashing and every other anti-gay thing you can think of. Most recently, the Times has written eight editorials trying to smear GLSEN founder Kevin Jennings. Sounds pretty asshatty to me.
2) Michelle Malkin
WHY? Speaking of wingnutty, asshats who are supposedly journalists, Michelle Malkin has been one of the worst homophobes out there for quite a few years. Recently, Malkin was one of those beating the drums against gay marriage in Maine, and her big story recently was how gay rights activists are threatening those who opposed gay marriage. Yeah, ’cuz that’s the real issue here.
3) Rhode Island Governor Don Carcieri
Why? Governor Carcieri is no stranger to the Asshat page, having already won the crown once. He’s back in the running this week because he revealed himself to either have no heart whatsoever, or to be a homophobe of such staggering proportions that it’s hard to believe. So what did Carcieri do exactly? He vetoed a bill that would have allowed gay partners the right to bury their partners.
Said the squirming bag of worms some folks call Governor about his veto:
This bill represents a distributing trend over the past few years
of the incremental erosion of the principles surrounding traditional
He then wrapped his coils around a rat and ate it whole.
4) Marine Reservist Jasen Bruce
Why? When a Greek Orthodox Priest got lost and asked Bruce for directions, Bruce grabbed a tire iron and started beating him. First he claimed the priest was from the Middle East and yelling"Allahu Akbar" which is Arabic for "God is Great." When that didn’t hold up, Bruce claimed he was actually defending himself from being sexually assaulted. Incidentally, Bruce was recently featured as a pin-up for All American Guys (slightly NSFW) proving that in his case there is at least some correlation between physical beauty and abject stupidity.
Next Page! Is a wet towel enough to top the Power Rankings?
POWER RANKINGS! YET ANOTHER NEW NUMBER ONE!
Two guys make the list for the first time, I split The Amazing Race brothers up for bad behavior, and one gay loses his boyfriend but climbs up the rankings. Go figure!
Rank (Last Week)
|One Life To Live
|Remember how last week I said Fish would’ve been number one if only he’d been in his wet undies? From my lips to God’s ears. Seriously though, is it great seeing two gay men being romantic or what?|
|It’s time to try defying gravity. I think I’ll try defying gravity. And you can’t pull me down! You go, Kurt!|
|One Life To Live
|Watching Kyle ask Oliver if he wanted to “stay in” actually made me swoon. And that kiss? Double swoon. This couple rocks.|
Eric van der Woodsen
|Maybe Eric lost his boyfriend but now that he’s an apprentice to the Sith lord, perhaps he’ll get some decent screentime. At least he’s doing more than getting yogurt dumped on him.|
|Dancing with the Stars
|Yay for Louis for letting us know Bruno wasn’t the only ’mo on the show and for carrying Kelly Osbourne into the semi-finals. Now he just has to beat Donny Osmond. Preferably with a pair of tap shoes. I’m so bad…|
|So Tyler is dating a doctor, eh? Is anyone else thinking what I’m thinking? Paging Dr. George O’Malley!|
Scotty Wandell and Kevin Walker
|Brothers & Sisters
|Can you imagine the fight we’re going to see when these two decide whose sperm gets to fertilize the egg? Gawd, I already need a drink!|
|The Amazing Race
|While Sam wasn’t the tool his brother was, he didn’t exactly cover himself with glory plodding around the field that way. This is a race, you know!|
|The Amazing Race
|What would gay Jesus do? Apparently scream bloody murder at his brother. Dan totally would’ve been off this week’s rankings if he hadn’t gotten all weepy and apologetic at the end.|
|30 Rock/The View
|I admit this is a bit of a cheat as I’ve no idea whether Cheyenne’s character is gay or not so I’m using his performance on the The View as an excuse to rank him. Take it up with the editor if you don’t like it!||!|
Next page! Shooting arrows at the week’s TV!
IN MY HUMBLE OPINION
In this week’s arrows, one show learns that if you trick AfterElton.com into watching on false pretenses, you pay the price. Plus Glee defies gravity, great storylines involving towels, Sal is a no show and more!
GLEE: Now this is the Glee I fell in love with when they first showed it to us at the TCA last year. And this was the first episode where I felt like the actual storylines were up to the same level as the musical numbers (Artie’s "Dancing with Myself" was brilliant) and, using one of the evening’s themes, they all defied gravity. I was especially impressed the show managed to so effectively humanize Sue without being patronizing to folks with Down’s Syndrome.
Finally, I loved both of Kurt’s storylines, but especially seeing the gay son step up and take care of his father. I think that’s more real than most people realize. The show might be over the top, but this week the
characters all showed very real heart.
THE AMAZING RACE: Shut up! No, you shut up! Just shut up for ten minutes! No, you shut up for ten minutes! Wait, what am I doing? I’ve become a monster! Sob! Hey, here’s the clue! Let’s go! Should we take off our shirts first! Why? After this lousy performance, I think that’s our only chance to stay on AfterElton’s Power Rankings!
BROTHERS & SISTERS: So Scotty should forgive his father’s cheating because his mom is a frigid, homophobic beyotch? I’m okay with that.
MAD MEN: Great episode and great season, but no Sal resolution, no up arrow. Poor Bryan Batt doesn’t even know what’s going on.
STYL’D: I love how these young kids think they know better than their boss. Ha! As if. No, this isn’t personal. What makes you ask? And "Yay" for Gary for doing so well.
ONE LIFE TO LIVE: A wet Scott Evans wearing nothing but a towel and kissing Brett Claywell. Screw journalistic integrity, that alone gets an up arrow!
MELROSE PLACE: Oh, look they remembered that somebody got murdered! And they arrested Auggie for it. Um, who’s Auggie again and why do I care? Oh, wait. I don’t anymore.
DANCING WITH THE STARS: I totally resent Louis Amstel for introducing his boyfriend while on Chelsea Handler’s show. Now I have to pay attention to this show again?
GOSSIP GIRL: Remind me why I’m supposed to care about GG again? Scheming, vacuous debutantes and a threeway as wholesome as a glass of milk are interesting? Oh, well, at least Eric is getting more to do.
Last night’s Supernatural had Sam and Dean attending the first Supernatural convention and I thought the gayest moment was going to be when one of the panels was going to be the Homoeroticism of Supernatural. But the real gay stuff came at the end in a great twist that revealed the two average schlubs who were LARPing (Live action role playing) as Sam and Dean (and actually helping Sam and Dean) turned out to be a gay couple! It was a nice sweet moment and a nod to the show’s gay fans. Kudos to the show!
Supernatural’s gay "Sam and Dean!"
Next page! Why are male Visitors so creepy?!
LEAVE IT TO LAMAS: Hmm, so how do we get the gays to watch our crappy show? Well, we’ve got a gay guy on this week. Let’s see if we can get AfterElton to plug it. How much screentime does the gay guy get? Let’s just say you better not blink or you’ll miss it. You think AfterElton will be POd that we’re kind of BSing on this? Maybe, but I think they’ll be more ticked that we tricked them into sitting through an entire episode of this crap. Oh, well. Send the email anyway.
TRAUMA: Did Boone just make a joke about Tyler having "pole" trouble? He better be careful or he’ll face a sexual harrassment suit. Either that or GLAAD will come after him.
UGLY BETTY: ABC — Move this show to Wednesday NOW! AE readers — Start watching this show NOW! And don’t make me go all Wilhelmina on your ass! That is all.
THE WANDA SYKES SHOW: How about we call that a dress rehearsal and pretend it never happened. We all cool with that?
V: Is it just me or do all of the male Visitors have that evil androgynous vibe going on that Hollywood relies on to creep people out? Well, everyone except Alan Tudyk. Meanwhile, the female Visitors are either bodacious babes or exotic waifs.
THE VIEW: You’d think any week that had Cheyenne Jackson singing would be an up arrow, but haven’t we heard enough about Carrie Prejean yet? Um, I just listened to Cheyenne sing again so we’re back to the up arrow.
30 Rock: Cheyenne! Cheyenne! Cheyenne! What, that’s not enough? Um, okay. How about Cheyenne Jackson! Cheyenne Jackson! Cheyenne Jackson!
Next page! Who are you calling a liar?
NO, I’M NOT GOING TO LECTURE BUT…
Given all the conversation on the site of late about outing and the closet, I knew my post about Chris Colfer was going to generate some commentary, but even I was unprepared for the 170+ comments posted about the subject thus far.
I doubt there is much more to be said about the topic, but there are a couple of points I want to address both personally and as the editor of AfterElton.
First off, there was some suggestion that because our policy is to not ask folks under twenty-one about their sexuality, that we are somehow reinforcing the "closet" and are complicit in helping actors hide their sexuality.
Poppycock. The idea that AfterElton.com is somehow doing anything but furthering gay visibility is ludicrous. While other sites simply repeat gossip that Celebrity X might be gay, we actually behave like journalists and pose the question to the appropriate parties. As I’ve said before, there is nothing wrong in asking the question in the proper context and trust me, publicists are not always delighted when I do. But we do it and then report it.
Additionally, twice a year I spend up to two weeks in Los Angeles attending the Television Critics Association. Even though I am far from the only gay journalist there, I am usually the one asking virtually every single writer, producer and executive I come in contact with about their show or their network’s gay and bisexual representation.
I’m the one asking Nigel Lythgoe about the homophobia on So You Think You Can Dance in front of a room of 300 people and calling out network presidents who think gay equals sex. I’m the one pointing out to the writers of science fiction shows how ridiculous it is that gays and lesbians have until only recently, been virtually invisible on their shows. And I’m the one who asked Karl Rove about his gay-baiting tactics when he appeared on a panel.
(BTW, this isn’t necessarily a slam on my fellow gay journalists; some don’t write for publications for which the coverage would be appropriate. But many do.)
So feel free to disagree with this particular policy, but please don’t insult my intelligence by accusing us of being part of the problem when it comes to the closet.
Secondly, I have to say I’m horrified by the idea that being a celebrity means giving up every single bit of your privacy and not being allowed to make mistakes or change your mind without facing a barrage of criticism. I suppose this is part of society’s obsession with "celebrity" and is a testament to how many celebrities do seem to live their life in front of the camera that so many people feel an absolute entitlement to having a say in how others live their lives — something I find particularly appalling when it comes to the subject of deciding when and how to come out.
But AfterElton.com doesn’t believe actors, musicians, writers or anyone else owes us anything more than what they do professionally. We’re always happy to cover the rest when they are willing to discuss it, but if you feel you are entitled to that the internet is full of websites happy to provide it.
Finally, some folks said some pretty unfair things about Chris. I’m especially appalled by those who have called him a liar. Is this really how we want to treat a young man who six months ago virtually no one had ever heard of? A young man who is all of nineteen and trying to figure out how to live in the public eye? Really? Are we no better than this?
Honestly, with behavior like this, I can see why some gay celebrities choose not to come out. Who would want to face this kind of criticism and name-calling? To be fair, it seems like the majority of folks have been respectful and civilized (something I always admire about you guys), but there has been enough of it to disappoint me.
Oh, and despite the popular belief that every celebrity has a retinue of handlers watching their every move, I can promise you that is not the case and it is definitely not the case for someone of Chris’ stature. Every time I saw Chris being interviewed, he was on his own and often answered questions for hours on end.
Everyone should try that sometime to see how easy it is.
Next page! What to watch this week!
I hope you haven’t already forgotten Ugly Betty is on Friday night along with the gay-friendly Jonathan Ross’ talk show this week featuring Serena Williams and Robbie Williams. Serena has a new book she’s promoting while Robbie has a new album. Robbie’s new album is called Reality Killed the Video Star and I only had time to listen to it once and can’t say I found it very memorable.
Saturday night features two more talk shows including Wanda Sykes’ second outing and a new Graham Norton has Doctor Who hottie David Tennant dropping by.
Sunday night has the aforementioned The Prisoner for those of you who are masochists while I’ll be watching Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters and The Amazing Race. Here’s hoping the bros behave a little better this week.
Oh, god, he’s not really back, is he?
Also on Sunday night is a new episode of Fox’s horrid and offensively biphobic animated piece of dreck Sit Down Shut Up which I thought had been canceled. Apparently Fox has been airing it at 11 PM on Sundays without any promotion.
In case you’ve forgotten, SDSU features the awful stereotype Andrew Legusatambos, the bisexual theater teacher who not only spies on people in lockerrooms, but seems to want to be a woman. Or something. It’s as if the show’s creators never met an actual bisexual or transgender person before. I forced myself to slog through two more episodes while writing this week’s column and the show is no funnier than before.
I certainly can’t believe that I’m the only who finds it hard to believe there is room for yet another cooking show, but according to Bravo there is and it’s called Chef Academy. Some hoity-toity five star Michelin French chef is setting up a culinary academy in Los Angeles. Supposedly he’s doing this because he’s so devoted to cooking. Obviously he cares more about being a reality TV star, but whatever.
Leo and Emmanuel
The show does feature one out student named Leo who does well in the
first ep and who is also crushing on fellow student, the very French
(and very laidback) Emmanuel. I still prefer Top Chef but it beats the heck out of Chopped. (Sorry, Ted!)
Monday also has the third and fourth hours of The Prisoner, a new How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, and Million Dollar Listing. Also on Monday night is 10th episode of Trauma, meaning there are only three to go. Sigh…
Next page! Watch Drew Mason rap!
Tuesday has a new Melrose Place with Heather Locklear back as uber-bitch Amanda. That’s bad news for Ella and her gay boss Caleb as Amanda fires them both. Technically that might be a spoiler, but since no one is watching…
Heather Locklear has hardly changed at all … from this angle anyway.
Also on Tuesday is Dancing with the Stars and, thankfully, the last two episodes of The Prisoner.
Last week we didn’t have Cam and Mitchell on Modern Family thanks to the Country Music Awards, but the fellows are back this week in an episode that has them hanging out with an old college friend for a much need night out. And Glee has "Ballad", a new episode featuring the Glee club singing ballads to each other. Hmm…
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE
On Sunday night, Logo is debuting a new video by out rapper Drew Mason from his CD Paradigm Shift.
This is actually the first I’ve ever heard of Drew, but I have to say I rather liked the song.
Hey Jo Weil fans! Guess who has his first official calendar! That’s right — Olli himself. Head over here to order a copy yourself. Meanwhile, here are a couple of shots for you!
Now I’ll shut up so you can have the BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER!