Big Brother concluded on a treacherous cliffhanger last time, with four evicted houseguests — no, wait, three evicted houseguests and a ferocious tower of screams named Candice — vying in an endurance contest for a chance to play the game again. The result? A strange bit of magic that I’ve only now figured out. Phew.
Here are seven burning questions you may have had about Sunday’s episode, answered succinctly for your pleasure.
Q: Are we excited about the evicted houseguest returning to the game?
A: Kind of.
Judd isn’t exactly a thrilling player, but the hubbub around Judd is always unpredictable. He handily beat Jessie, Candice, and Helen during the The Wall Of Slippery Danger And Firing Squad Trauma game, so it’s not like I don’t think he deserved a comeback. I’m just hoping Judd’s indecipherable affability starts to make everyone paranoid again. After all, this is a man who was basically evicted for looking at Aaryn the wrong way and resembling a suspicious tortoise at the time. So weird. Better yet, Judd has to start from square one with alliances, and I’m liking his options so far.
Q: Rumors are spreading about the possibility that the HOH competition was rigged. Was it?
A: Unless I’m easily duped, no.
I’m willing to believe most conspiracy theories, but a recent one floating around about Helen getting tapped on the foot to eliminate herself during the HOH competition strikes me as simplistic and weird. Yes, based on footage I saw, a stagehand’s hand lingered behind Helen’s foot. But I don’t think Helen voluntarily leapt off the pedestal, which is what our conspiracy theory leads us to believe. She looked off balance in the aired footage, and she’d just been forced to run backwards and land awkwardly on her tiptoes. According to this little snippet, it would be legal for Big Brother to rig the show if all the cast members had signed on to it, but I can’t imagine producers thinking Judd would be a more interesting longterm addition to the house than Helen. Or even Candice. Judd’s a nonentity in terms of the game’s appeal, and never a conspiring one. Anyway. Call me a pollyanna, but I’m on Team BB15 Is Legit for now.
Q: Is Elissa an awesome Head of Household?
A: No, Elissa isn’t an awesome anything, but she is a petulant bad-ass at the moment.
Amazingly, Elissa won HOH after almost falling off her platform in two crazy moments of near-fail catastrophe. She ended up clinging to the wall “like Batman” (quoth that Algonquin wit Spencer) and propelling herself back on her feet after one wild stumble, and that was worthy of golf claps. Maybe even tennis claps. Now that she’s queen, she has Amanda shivering and McCrae worried too. Loved watching her stare down Aaryn as she groveled for Elissa’s mercy. Granted, it’s not hard for Elissa to stare down anyone considering she doesn’t blink, but still. It was good staring. And she gave the same treatment to Amanda, whose impulsive crying was pathetic. We’ll get to that in a second.
Q: Is Aaryn finally going to be eliminated?
A: Looking like yes.
That’s my guess. Elissa nominated Aaryn and McCrae for eviction this week, and I suspect the more obviously controversial player will be the one to go. Even though Aaryn is getting along with everyone, the entire cast seems aware of her reputation outside the house. Surely they’ll want to save some face. At some point. Hopefully. Plus, Elissa is gunning for her specifically.
Q: Was Aaryn’s imbibing of nail polish remover the most unexplainable moment of the past 500 years?
Excuse me, but I noticed that AARYN PICKED UP A BOTTLE OF NAIL POLISH REMOVER AND DRANK IT. On accident? MAYBE NOT. I thought it was sort of strange because IT DIDN’T RESEMBLE A WATER BOTTLE AT ALL. She just DRANK THE TOXIC MATERIALS. RIGHT DOWN. Andy’s response was best: “Why did you take a swig of nail polish remover?” I am hurting from laughing and fearing that she would die on the spot, in front of me, on television.
Q: How is that merry homosexual Andy doing?
A: He’s had better weeks.
Helen alerted her fellow evicted houseguests — while dangling on that HOH competition precipice — that Andy is totally untrustworthy. I get why she did that. It’s because she’s right. Andy has prided himself on appealing to everyone in the game, and while I applaud that gall, clearly there was a major chance of a backfire. The good news is he’s still not objectionable enough to warrant immediate eviction, but I feel like he’ll reach that point, say, next week. It’s so weird that we keeping hearing Spencer and GinaMarie’s names come up as good choices for eviction when Andy is obviously more nefarious. I suspect the grace period won’t be too long.
Q: Is Amanda’s crumbling ego Shakespearean in its downslide?
And now, an actual transcription of the last pre-nominations conversation between Amanda and Elissa.
Amanda: “For you to put up McCrae to me is like [bursts into sobs] heartbreaking to me because –!”
Elissa: “He put me up once too when he knew I wasn’t his target.”
Amanda: “This scares me because we’ve been together [meaning Elissa, McCrae, and Amanda] since the beginning of this game!”
Elissa. “I want everyone to be scared because that’s how I feel every week.”
Good for Elissa. Amanda’s nutso insistence that she’s ever been allied with Elissa is laughable. Her hyperventilation is downright crazy, and it made me furious. Just so entitled to feel like the game’s Napoleon when she has no competitive prowess. In a perfect world, Aaryn would win the veto this week and Elissa would replace her nomination with Amanda. I just clapped without thinking. That’s how psyched I’d be.
What do you think is going to happen for the rest of the week? Is Aaryn doomed? Or is Amanda a primo backdoor candidate?