Britney Spears Is Against Gay Marriage, Claims National Enquirer

britney spears national enquirerBritney Spears is against gay marriage, claims the National Enquirer in a recent story. The go-to rag for alien abductions and celebrity weight gain reports the “Work Bitch” singer, 31, loves her gay fans but isn’t down for marriage equality because it makes Jesus cry.

“Britney has worked with and danced with a LOT of gays over the years,” a close source told The Enquirer. “She’s never been homophobic but she doesn’t support gay marriage because the Bible is against it.”

Okay, but the part about adultery, fornication and not bashing a car windshield with an umbrella she doesn’t follow?

“Britney grew up singing in the church and attends the local Baptist church when she’s home in Louisiana,” claims an insider. “She says the Bible bans gay marriage and she follows that teaching.”

The magazine cites Spears’ admission that homophobic self-help guru Max Lucado is her favorite author as evidence of her views. (Lucado claims legalizing same-sex marriage will lead to incest and bestiality.)

“When Britney spouted off about Lucado being her favorite author, I doubt that she even knew about his opposition to gay marriage,” the source noted. “She just shot off her mouth. Now she’s stunned that her remarks have everyone so worried. Her handlers have always promoted her to the gay audience, and they’re scrambling to do damage control.”

We find this all very hard to believe—after all, it was just a few weeks ago that Bri Bri said we were “adorable.” Hmm, actually maybe it’s not that hard to swallow.