Greetings Brothers & Sisters fans! I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First, the

bad news. This is going to be the last episode until after the new year. (B&S has three more episodes in the

can, but they won’t air until January.) Assuming the writer’s strike drags on —

and there’s every indication that it will — that will probably be it for the

season.

The good news? Kitty gets married this week. Weddings are

always joyous occasions and hey, I figure the sooner Robert and Kitty tie the

knot, the sooner the writers can bust ‘em up again. Am I the only one completely

bored by the whole Robert McAllister warm and fuzzy Republican presidential

candidate storyline? The show would be

oh so much more interesting if we find out (and soon) that actually McAllister

is an awful villain. Maybe we could discover he’s some sort of mad Bluebeard

and keeps his ex-girlfriends buried in the basement.

Or maybe we find out he’s actually the Anti-Christ! And by

running for President he hopes to ascend to the most powerful position on Earth

(well, aside from Oprah) in order to bring about the Apocalypse. It’s up to the

Walkers to stop him!

Okay enough daydreaming.

The episode opens at

McAllister’s Santa Barbara

ranch where he and Kitty are pacing the bedroom.

McAllister (on his cell): …no it is not a pot luck. I don’t

want a repeat of the engagement party where every family member brought

Tupperware.

I shudder to think what was brought to the stag party.

Speaking of which, what happened to Robert and Kitty’s respective bachelor and

bachelorette parties? Surely that campaign manager, Travis, arranged something

for Robert? And what I wouldn’t have

given for a scene with Kitty, Sarah and Nora doing tequila shots and stuffing

dollar bills in a male stripper’s g-string.

Instead of fun scenes like that we have this one, with Robert and Kitty operating a phone tree reminding

people that the wedding reception is a catered affair and not BYOB. They hang

up in unison, and McAllister assures Kitty that his uncle isn’t bringing any

food.

McAllister: Our wedding is officially artichoke free.

Now if they can just convince Tommy and Julia not to bring

Cabbage.

McAllister notices Kitty is packing a bag.

McAllister: Hey, you don’t have to spend the night at your Mom’s.

Kitty: Oh, yes I do. It’s very bad luck to make mad, passionate love

to the groom the night before the wedding.

Then the perfunctory groveling you two do should be no problem.

McAllister: You know, it’s all downhill from here. I’m gonna stop

bringing you flowers, your gonna break out the housecoats, and we’re both gonna

start leaving the bathroom door open.

Kitty grabs his hand and tries to say something heartfelt

like, “I love you even when I see you on the crapper,” but McAllister stops

her.

McAllister: Hey, why don’t you save this for our vows?

At the 11th hour McAllister has decided he wants them to

write their own vows for the wedding ceremony.

Poor Kitty looks panicked.

Cut to the next

morning at Lena’s apartment. Oh, looks

like Justin slept over because they are on the futon canoodling in her red

sheets. These are the same red sheets we

saw Tommy canoodling in just a few weeks ago. I hope at least she changes the

linens between canoodles.

Justin wants to enjoy the silence before the wedding today

and reminisces about how Walker

family gatherings can get raucous. Why, at the vineyard opening, Holly and Nora

got into a food fight.

Justin says the only person that could ever keep the family

in line was his father, but then he berates himself for fondly recalling his dad.

Justin: Why am I

even talking about him He cheated on my mom. What kind of man does that?

This is supposed to be ironic because his brother Tommy is exactly

that “kind of man.”

Lena (implicitly in

defense of Tommy): All types. Even some good guys. It just sucks being left

alone to make sense of it all

Justin: Is that what it was like with your married guy?

Lena: Yeah, he pretty much said that “that was it” and you know, that

was it.

Except for now you’re screwing around with his younger

brother. Way to go, Lena.

Justin gets the bright idea to invite her to the wedding.

And Lena gets the very dim idea to accept.

Cut to Kevin’s

apartment. Tommy, Saul and Kevin have met there to get ready for the

wedding. What, is Kevin the only one with a shoe shine kit? Otherwise it’s kind

of weird for all the menfolk to converge on Kevin’s place.

Uncle Saul is eating peanuts and lamenting the fact that he

has to go pick up Grandma Ida from the airport. Oh goody, this means Marion Ross

is going to make a re-appearance. She had a great guest

turn last season.

Tommy reminds Kevin that he owes him a hundred bucks. Turns

out the brothers all made bets years ago on when Kitty was going to get

married. Tommy put his money on “sometime in her thirties” and Kevin bet $100 on

“never.” Saul claims to be offended, but then offers to cover Kevin’s lost bet

if only he’ll go pick Ida up from the airport.

Kevin: Even if you put a couple of zeroes after that bet, I’d still say no.

It’s weird, but Saul is practically giddy in this scene,

like he’s inhaled nitrous oxide just before it was shot. He sounds lighthearted

and “gay” (in the traditional sense.) The guy sure has some wild mood swings —

last week he seemed to be suffering from paranoia.

Justin shows up with the rented tuxes and casually mentions

that he’s bringing Lena to the wedding. Tommy harrumphs and looks peeved. When Justin

asks if there’s a problem, Tommy tells him he doesn’t think he’s taking his

sobriety seriously enough.

Tommy: I hear her on the phone at work, Justin. She’s a partier.

Justin is offended.

Justin: Thanks for your concern,

bro.

Justin heads back out to the car to pick up the ties and the

cummerbunds. Uncle Saul gives Tommy a dirty look and goes with him.

Once they’re alone, Kevin tells Tommy to relax. Only he and

Saul know about Tommy’s affair with Lena.

Kevin: Don’t start acting weird now.

Tommy props his feet up on the coffee table. What is he

wearing, Keds? Tommy always seems to be

wearing children’s sneakers.

Cut to the Walker mansion where

Sarah is trying to help Kitty come up with her wedding vows. She’s reading her

some poetry from Keats.

Sarah: Pillowed upon my fair love’s ripening breast to feel forever

its soft fall and swell.

Kitty: Sarah, I don’t want the guests thinking about my boobs and

their ripeness.

Then Sarah comes up with something on her own.

Sarah: Our love is like the war. Out of control. Endless. And

without reason.

Kitty isn’t much amused.

Sarah: Hey, has Mom had the talk with you?

Kitty: What talk?

Sarah: The talk. Oh trust me, she’s going to sit you down and go on

and on about love and devotion until you’re both weeping. I’d get some inspiration

from that.

Sounds like a good idea to Kitty.

Enter Rebecca who

looks like she’s become the de facto wedding planner. She goes through her

checklist of things to do and everything seems to be well in order. The phone rings. It is Kitty’s hairdresser. Sarah asks if

she’s made a decision on her hair — up or down and….

Okay. Time out. I’m having trouble recapping this stuff.

It’s SO boring. Is anything going to happen this episode because I (and I’m

betting you) really could care less

about the minutiae of Kitty’s wedding preparations.

Hey, could it be this whole wedding thing will

be like the one on Dynasty? Anybody remember the “Moldavian Massacre?” Now that’s a recapper’s dream! Maybe Lena

can show up at the service with an M-16 gunning for Tommy and in the process

take out half the cast before turning the gun on herself.

I choose to focus on the positive (yeah, right) so here’s my

list of who I’d want to survive:

Kevin

Nora

Justin

Holly

Rebecca

Scotty

Sarah

Paige

Coop

Tommy

Travis

Emily Craft

Grandma Ida

Kitty (but preferably left in a permanent coma.)

I ain’t naming names, but it would be fine with me if everyone

else pretty much took a dirt nap.

But I digress. Back to Kitty, Sarah, and Rebecca and the wedding

preparations. For those who are curious — all two of you — Kitty decides to

go with her hair up.

Cut to the living

room where Nora is wrapping little gifts for the wedding party. Kitty comes

in looking for more poetry books from which to get inspiration. Nora points her

to the bottom shelf. With any luck they’ll have Dr Seuss’ Oh the Places You’ll Go and Kitty will be set.

Nora: Kitty? Can I talk to you?

Kitty thinks this must be the big “talk” Sarah was warning

her about. Perhaps she’ll get some inspiration from that.

She says “of course,” sits down beside her mother, and takes

her hand expectantly.

Nora: Oh, sweetie. Here you go. I know how easy it is to get swept

up with the music and the rice. Tomorrow you’re gonna put that beautiful dress

on and walk down the aisle to Robert who is so handsome and my God, he could be

President one day! And you’re going to commit the rest of your life to him and

before you know it you will have…. completely forgotten who you are and what

you stand for.

Huh? This isn’t quite the talk Kitty was expecting. To her

credit, Calista Flockhart does a pretty funny spit take. Instead of inspiring

her, Nora seems intent on throwing cold water on any of her romantic

notions.

Kitty: Wait a minute Mom, Sarah told me you were gonna give me a

gushy speech that would make me cry. What is this that I’m getting?

Nora: Maybe back then I was giving the warm and wonderful marriage

speech. I’m wiser now and I have some things to say to you. I’m not gonna lie.

Kitty: Please lie. Please lie. I would prefer you to lie. I don’t

need you to give me cold feet.

Nora tries to warn Kitty about how she’s in danger of losing

her own identity by marrying Robert. Kitty simply plugs her ears, goes “la la

la,” and runs out of the room.

Cut to the foyer

where Kitty, now determined to avoid her mother at all costs, gets a cell phone

call from Isaac (Danny Glover). Or as I

like to call him: “Mr. Mumbles.”

He’s in his car on a rainy highway when he places this call

to Kitty. It’s never exactly easy to understand

what Mumbles is saying, and here the sound of rain hitting his windshield isn’t

helping one bit. From what I can decipher, “hisherd rhuemers” about “allesh

dish crept in seeds” regarding McAllister’s Gulf War heroism. So he’s on his

way to LA to help Kitty.

Isaac: Conshitter it my wetting jiff.

Oh Mumbles, great to have you back!

Cut to the next day at

the vineyard. We get a shot of the

wedding cake as it wheels by. Tommy and Kevin are in their tuxes and sharing a

glass of wine with Scotty. Tommy admits to being thrilled with all the free

publicity the wedding is generating for Walker Landing.

Tommy: So, um, you guys back together?

Kevin: We're in the process of becoming a “we” depending on what

your definition of what a “we” is.

Scotty: He’s such a romantic, isn’t he?

Justin scampers up with Lena

in tow. Tommy looks very put out, and

Lena refuses to meet his eye. Things get even more

uncomfortable when Julia walks up in her brown bridesmaid’s dress. Seriously.

Brown. I know brides never want to be

upstaged by their bridesmaids, but Kitty must be very insecure because she

arranged to have them outfitted in baby poo colored dresses.

Julia explains that Kitty sent her on an errand to find

someone called “Isaac.”

Cut to Kitty’s dressing

room. Who knew vineyards come equipped with dressing rooms?

Rebecca comes in and wants to know where the hair and makeup

stylists went. Kitty sent them packing because they were annoying her. She’s

decided to wing it and do her own hair and makeup. Uh, good luck with that.

Rebecca clearly thinks this was a bad call but keeps her

mouth shut. Isaac pokes his head in. He was late because his plane got

detoured.

Mumbles: Shnow

sorms in dumitt wes.

Uh oh. Assuming he’s

talking about snow storms in the Midwest, I

think this bodes ill for Grandma Ida’s arrival. (I didn’t see Marion Ross’ name

in the guest star credits).

Kitty looks very relieved to see Isaac and asks Rebecca if

maybe they could have a minute alone.

Rebecca leaves and Kitty asks Mumbles to talk to her while she gets ready.

Cut to the reception

hall where Nora and Stan (Chevy Chase)

have arrived. Nora is trying to get Kitty on her cell phone.

Two things. First, Nora isn’t wearing her old wedding gown, which I thought she'd made her up her mind to do on the last episode. I know she was going to dye it midnight blue, but I don’t think she planned on also

making it a halter dress. Second, her

date, Stan, towers over her. Which is a good thing. When Lena

pulls out her Uzi later he’ll make an effective human shield for Nora.

Stan: I still can’t believe we’re at some big shot Republican’s

wedding. Man, times have changed.

Nora: Now Stan, there’ll be no politics today. This is my

daughter’s wedding.

Stan mumbles something under his breath about how the cost

of this “shindig” could feed a small African country.

Saul comes up and tells Nora that their mother is “stuck in Denver” because of the

snow. Aw nuts. I was really looking

forward to seeing Ida again and this would’ve been the perfect occasion to trot

her out.

Stan remembers Ida from back in the old days, and without a

trace of irony or sarcasm says it’s a shame she’s not coming.

Saul, with enough sarcasm for the both of them, disagrees. The

two men are reintroduced and then Nora pretty much dumps Stan off on Saul.

Nora: Why don’t you two catch up. I’ve got to find Kitty.

We cut back to Kitty

and Mumbles. Kitty is trying to explain why there are discrepancies in the

accounts of McAllister’s alleged Gulf War heroics.

To summarize: Everyone thinks McAllister led a helicopter

mission to retrieve some soldiers stranded in enemy territory. But it was

actually the co-pilot who was arguing to try to save the soldiers. McAllister

thought a rescue attempt was too risky and wanted to go back to base. Before they could do that their chopper was hit,

and the co-pilot died in the crash landing. However, once he was on the ground

Robert did save the stranded soldiers.

(How, I wonder, since the helicopter was totaled and now he too was

stranded in enemy territory? Anyone have a theory on that?)

Mumbles: Show if it was upda hem?

Kitty: Robert would’ve left..

That’s why Daniel Kohl came out of the woodwork. He said he heard the

whole thing from the control tower and that he could prove that Robert wasn’t

the hero that everyone thinks he is.

Kitty admits that she and Kevin essentially blackmailed Kohl

into keeping quiet. Mumbles reassures her that’s exactly what he would’ve done,

and then he helps her with a missed curler.

Boy, this Isaac is downright fatherly. If he’s supposed to be a love interest for

Nora and it’s a choice between him and Stan (Chevy Chase) — I’d definitely go with Mumbles.

Kitty: If this thing comes out, do you think we can spin it?

Mumbles tells her it would be better to find the leak and

shut it down again

Mumbles: Heil mek shem cawls.

Kitty: Oh, God Isaac, do you know I haven’t told Robert about this

yet? He has no idea.

At this point Sarah starts banging on the door and threatens

to kick it down if Kitty doesn’t let her in. Isaac opens the door, and on his

way out promises Kitty he’ll take care of things.

Cut to another room

where Lena is by herself moping at a

banquet table. Rebecca spots her and comes up to ask what’s wrong.

Lena: It’s just so strange

seeing Tommy here... and uh, all the high powered guests and the secret service

agents

Rebecca: (puzzled) What would be weird about seeing Tommy? (Realization

dawning.) Oh Lena, please tell me that Tommy

isn’t the married man.

Lena doesn’t even try to

deny it. She clearly wants to be found out.

Rebecca: Oh God, what are you doing?

Clueless Julia comes up at this point and drags Rebecca away

for a bridesmaid pow wow.

Cut to another part

of the room where Kevin spots Robert and Jason’s Uncle Jack (Garry

Marshall)

Uncle Jack spots Kevin too and mutters “Oh no. Not this

putz.”

Kevin: Hello, Uncle Jack. I can call you that now, right? Now that

we’re on the verge of being family?

Uncle Jack: I don’t think so, no.

Apparently, Kevin is going to be getting the cold shoulder

from the entire McAllister clan for dumping Jason.

Uncle Jack leads Robert’s two kids off to find their seats.

Kevin: (to McAllister) Well that was unpleasant. So, just be good

to Kitty.

McAllister: Better than you were to my brother?

Kevin: That’s unfair.

McAllister: He’s halfway across the world trying to make a

difference with his life. He is all alone. And you dump him. Now it’s none of

my business, so I’m going to get through this. I’m going to be cordial. And

that’s what we should do for Kitty.

This is totally Kevin’s cue to wrap his arms around McAllister

and say, “Hug it out, bitch.” Instead he just lets the guy walk away.

Cut to Kitty’s

dressing room where we get the first view of her wedding dress and she coos

over Paige and Coop. The kids skitter

away, and Sarah is left to help Kitty put the finishing touches on her dress,

hair and makeup.

Sarah then launches into a heartfelt speech about how she

never thought she’d see her “baby sister” walking down the aisle. Which is kind of funny considering Calista Flockhart

is a couple years older than Rachel Griffiths.

Cut to a few minutes

later. We are in the courtyard watching a lone cellist playing “Wind

Beneath my Wings.” Or something by Bach maybe. On a cello it all pretty much

sounds the same to me. All the guests

are seated and McAllister and the non-denominational minister are standing at

the front waiting for Kitty.

Kitty steps out of her dressing room and Nora catches sight

of her for the first time today. She still wants to have that big “talk” with

her daughter, but Kitty shushes her.

Little Coop is then forcefully shoved down the aisle. Either

he’s the ringbearer and that pillow is for the wedding bands, or Uncle Jack

has frightful piles and Coop’s been roped into bringing him his donut. From

Coop’s expression, I think it might be the donut.

Paige follows him in her flower girl outfit. Then the poo

brown bridesmaids start their walk of shame. Finally, Kitty is left alone with

Nora — who won’t shut up. So what else is new. They start down the aisle.

Nora: You have been my child, my challenge, my support, my best

friend…

Kitty: Mom, you’re gonna make me cry

Nora: Well, maybe you should cry. Or laugh or do whatever your heart

tells you to. I know how hard you’ve worked to find someone to love. Who would

really see you and love you back. Kitty, you’re incapable of losing yourself.

You’re not me. You know yourself better than I ever have and I’m so proud of

you.

Aww. Kitty gets a tear in her eye as they reach the end of

the aisle.

The minister asks “who here is giving Kitty away.”

Nora: She gives herself freely. With my love and my blessing.

Kitty and Nora hug and then Nora finally gets shooed back to

her seat where she discovers that her date, Stan, has mysteriously disappeared.

Then the service begins in earnest, and McAllister recites

his vows.

McAllister: To say I love you seems inadequate. Because I cannot

imagine my life without you. Because when I’m cynical you give me hope. In

times where I was losing my way — you’ve been my guidepost. I love you more

with each passing day. And so I give you my hand, my heart, and my love.

Next it’s Kitty’s turn, only she just stands there with

nothing to say. The words won’t come. She has an obstructed vow.

Finally she whispers, “Robert I need to talk to you.”

She races off. McAllister tells the guests they’ll be right

back and follows her.

At this point, Nora could jump up and totally stall for time

by doing an a capella musical performance. “My milkshake brings all the boys in

the yard, damn right it’s better than yours…”

They totally get away with stuff like that over on Ugly Betty. It’s not

fair.

Instead, we have Holly running around frantically telling

the cater waiters to serve more wine to the milling guests.

Meanwhile, in a private room Kitty explains to McAllister

that she “couldn’t go through with it.” She couldn’t say her vows until he knew

the truth: that she blackmailed someone.

And we’re not just talking about some casting director.

Cut back to the

milling wedding guests where Uncle Jack is up off his pillow and complaining

to an Ed Asner lookalike about how the Walkers are out to destroy the McAllisters.

Uncle Jack: First the brother dumps Jason, and now this. We don’t

deserve this. What did we ever do to this family?

Cut to Tommy, Kevin

and Justin. Kevin is high-fiving everyone because “Kitty came to her

senses.”

Cut to Nora obsessing

over the possibility that maybe Kitty got cold feet because of what she said on

the walk down the aisle. Sarah assures

her that Kitty never listens to her anyway.

Cut back to Kitty and

Robert. Interesting, but he seems to think the whole blackmail thing is a

non-issue.

McAllister: I don’t understand the problem. You were just doing your job. Kitty, we could

all go to hell tomorrow. But whatever happens, I want you with me. Okay?

Oh my gosh, “go to hell tomorrow?” He is the Anti-Christ! They hug and go back out to resume the service.

Kitty: (delivering her vows): Robert, I don’t even know where to

start because you are so many things to me. You’re this brilliant, poised

diplomat and then you’re this really crazy romantic that just takes my breath

away. And when you’re tired and stressed you get really grumpy. But then I can

feel your head on my shoulder at night and I know that you’re asleep and you’re

so peaceful and you’re so vulnerable. I could pull a Lorena Bobbitt on you so

easy…

Okay, just wanted to make sure you were all still paying

attention. She didn’t really say that last part. We now return to the sappy

ramble already in progress.

Kitty: (cont.) …sick, rich or poor. As long as I’m with you I will be

complete. And that’s it. Oh, and one more thing. Robert, will you be my husband?

McAllister: Yes, I will.

They exchange rings, kiss and the wedding guests are on

their feet clapping.

Kitty and McAllister walk back down the aisle in slow motion

while the wedding guests pelt them with either rose petals or used Kleenex

tissues. I’m not sure which. I think they might be tissues because a

particularly gloppy one sticks to Kitty’s forehead.

Cut to a private room where Mumbles, Travis, Kitty and

Robert are now meeting to discuss how to handle the brewing scandal over

McAllister’s Gulf War record.

Mumbles explains that Daniel Kohl has “a poached a numb her”

of media sites. But so far hasn’t given any details because he’s waiting to be

offered cash.

Travis’ feathers are all ruffled because this is the first

time he’s heard about this. Robert

assures him he only just heard about it an hour ago.

They decide on a game plan. They will go to all the news

sites first and tell them that Daniel Kohl is a perjurer and an extortionist and

anybody who prints his allegations is going to be hauled in to a Senate hearing for questioning.

Huh? This is pretty

questionable ethically. Considering what Daniel Kohl has to say is true.

Cut to outside

where the guests are now mingling. Saul is chatting up Uncle Jack, who grabs

some sashimi off a nearby catering tray.

Uncle Jack: This fish is undercooked.

Saul: It’s tuna tartare.

Uncle Jack: You might’ve warned me.

Cut to the guest

register where guests are supposed to take a Polaroid of themselves and

tape it into the book. Scotty isn’t

happy about his Polaroid.

Scotty: Any chance I can take another picture?

Kevin tells him no and then starts complaining about how

poorly all the McAllisters have been treating him.

Scotty doesn’t really want to hear it, and decides to “go

for a walk."

Boy, it sure didn’t take these two very long to start

sniping at one another. I guess it’s going to be awhile before we see them in

their lobster bibs making out again.

Cut to a pensive

Rebecca and a cougarish Sarah, both in their poo-brown dresses. Rebecca is

sourly observing Justin make out with Lena. Meanwhile,

Sarah is scanning the crowd for some man-meat to pounce on.

Sarah: Do you see any nice men in my age range?

Rebecca: Some of the secret service guys are hot.

Sarah: Yeah, but they’re so cold.

Kevin trudges up to get another glass of wine and share with

Sarah and Rebecca that he’s “driven yet another man away.”

Sarah: I’d love to commiserate, but Coop is throwing hors d'oeuvres

in the pool.

Sarah leaves and Kevin notices that Rebecca looks miserable.

She asks him, rhetorically, whether he and his siblings tell each other

everything. Or if there are “some secrets that are just completely off limits?”

Kevin: I probably wouldn’t tell Kitty I’d like to murder her

husband. And it wouldn’t be that difficult getting my hands on a shotgun thanks

to him and his ilk.

Rebecca somehow construes that as license to rat out Tommy

and Lena. She heads off to find Justin.

Unfortunately for Kevin, the secret service has overheard

his joke about murdering McAllister. Apparently

the floral arrangements are bugged.

Cut to Rebecca asking

Justin if they can go somewhere private to talk.

Justin: Is everything okay?

Rebecca: No, not really.

Cut to Nora who is

still hunting for her missing date, Stan. She runs into Mumbles, who recognizes

her from a couple weeks ago.

Mumbles: Norwa? I sick Marcia.

Nora: Yes of course! Nice to see you again. I seem to have lost my date. I wonder where

Holly Harper is?

Mumbles compliments her on something or other, it’s hard to

decipher. Since she can’t find her date, he asks if she’d like to have a glass

of champagne with him. She agrees.

Cut to a private room

where Justin (who presumably now knows about Lena

and Tommy) has pulled Tommy aside to have it out with him. Fisticuffs ensue.

Well maybe not full on fisticuffs, but they grab each others lapels and grunt a

lot. Anyway, it’s enough to attract the attention of the secret service guys.

Cut to the wine cellar, which the secret service has set up

as a sort of temporary detention center to house anyone they think might be a

clear and present danger to the Senator. Justin and Tommy are thrown into the makeshift

clink with Kevin and Stan (Chevy Chase). Kevin explains he got detained for threatening

to kill McAllister, and that Stan got busted for smoking pot.

Stan: You didn’t happen to bring any of those appetizers down here

did you?

Tommy: Yeah, I’ve got a shrimp cocktail in my pocket. What is wrong

with you?

Kevin: He’s got the munchies.

Cut to later

upstairs. Kitty and McAllister are dancing. Is it me, or do these two seem

pretty carefree considering the scandal that is brewing with Daniel Kohl?

My guess? Something “untoward” is going to happen to Kohl

before he has a chance to spill his story, and then there’s going to be a big

whodunit to figure out who offed him (or arranged to have him offed):

McAllister, Mumbles, Travis, etc.

Me, I’m just sad that this whole wedding thing doesn’t look

like it’s going to end as I’d hoped, with Lena (jilted now by two Walker

brothers) bursting into the room with guns ablazing. “Screw the bearclaws,

Tommy! Say hello to my little friend!”

Travis interrupts my reverie and Kitty and McAllister’s

dance to tell them they “have a little situation.”

Cut to the bar where

Rebecca is ordering another drink. Why, she’s a regular Walker now! Drinks like a fish. Lena approaches.

Lena: You haven’t seen Justin have you?

Rebecca: No. And you should know that I told him about you and

Tommy. Justin’s been through enough. He doesn’t need to get hurt.

Lena: You know, in case

you’ve forgotten, you used to sleep with a married guy too. What, now that

you’ve hit the paternity jackpot you can act as if you’re better than me?

Rebecca: I was sixteen, and I screwed up. But knowing you, dating

Justin is just some calculated way to get Tommy back, and I’m sorry but it is

spiteful, and it is stupid.

Lena: If I didn’t know that you two were related I’d think that you were

jealous.

Rebecca: He’s my brother. I’m just trying to protect him.

Lena: From what?

Their conversation is interrupted by Sarah, who is ordering

another drink in between cougar passes.

Lena: Tell Justin I’m going home. He can call me if he wants.

Cut to Holly bringing

Saul a glass of wine. He

compliments her on how lovely she looks this evening. And then he gets all

wistful about their abortive attempt to date.

Saul: Did you ever think maybe we ended things too soon?

Holly: Aw, I like you Saul but one thing I know is men, and when we

were together I knew that you weren’t that interested in me. You tried.

Ouch.

Holly: I was in love with a married man — a man I couldn’t have —

for twenty years. I didn’t mean to be. I just was. You can’t help who you love,

Saul.

Does she suspect that he’s gay? It’s hard to tell. At any

rate, Holly flits away, leaving Saul to ponder these words of wisdom.

Cut to the the temporary

detention center, where McAllister has finally gone to spring Tommy,

Justin, Kevin, and Stan. McAllister assures Justin that he won’t say anything

to Kitty about this. Everyone is allowed

to leave, but Robert pulls Kevin aside to tell him he was surprised that Kevin

helped Kitty blackmail Daniel Kohl.

Kevin: I did that for Kitty. And actually, you should know that I

care a lot about Jason. And if things had worked out differently between us —

well, we still wouldn’t be able to get married in this country.

McAllister: You’re not ever gonna stop holding that against me, are

you?

Kevin: No, but I will stop threatening your life.

McAllister: Sounds like we’re making some progress.

Cut to upstairs where

Mumbles is, well, mumbling something to Nora. Stan shows up and Nora grills

him on why he disappeared for so long. She finds out that he was smoking pot

and she freaks.

Nora: What were you thinking?

Stan: Okay Nora, I’m going home. I appreciate you looking me up. It’s

really amazing seeing you again. But uh, it’s just not gonna work. Sorry.

And just like that, Stan is gone. He came and went faster

than, well, The

Chevy Chase Show.

Cut to Kitty dancing

with a stand-in. Robert shows up and cuts in. They decide to sneak out and

start the honeymoon early. Kitty pulls

Nora aside and tells her to make her goodbyes to everyone.

Cut to later that

evening at Kevin’s apartment. Kevin and Scotty walk in exhausted. They slump

down on the couch and Kevin apologizes for being such lousy company at the

wedding

Kevin: I didn’t know Jason’s family was going to get to me like

that.

Scotty: Get to you? You were making death threats.

Kevin: Oh come on. Do I look like an assassin? You can’t get mad at

me for being upset at a bunch of people I don’t know acting like I’m the “gay”

guy who doesn’t know how to commit.

Scotty: Then why did you stand there telling everyone we’re still

trying to define the word “we?”

Kevin: Because you said you wanted to take things slow, Scotty.

Scotty: You’re not over him, Kev. At least that’s what it feels

like.

Kevin: Okay, maybe I’m not over Jason. But I am getting there.

Scotty, I wanna be with you.

Scotty: Me, too. But sometimes just because you want something

doesn’t mean it’s possible.

With that, Scotty grabs his coat and heads for the door. He

has an air mattress to fill somewhere across town. Either that or his shift

starts at Chez Frou Frou restaurant and he’s got some poultry to debone. Either

way, looks like Kevin isn’t getting any lobster meat this episode.

Cut across town to

Sarah’s house where Rebecca has helped her get Paige and Coop to bed. Alone

at last, Sarah motions for Rebecca to come sit down beside her on the couch.

Rebecca: Sarah, can I ask you kind of a random question?

Sarah: Sure.

Rebecca: Why did you tell me the truth about who my father is? I mean

you could’ve not said anything.

Sarah: At the time I told myself it was because you had a right to

know. It was going to come out anyway. But you want to know the God’s honest

truth? I did it to spite your mother.

Rebecca: I figured. I think that’s why I kissed Joe. To get back at

you.

Rebecca seems to be on something of an honesty roll and

decides to share with Sarah the news that Tommy and Lena

were sleeping together.

Sarah: Oh God.

Cut to the Walker mansion where Mumbles

is explaining to Nora why he is a Republican.

Mumbles: (who suddenly I can understand) Do you know how many Republicans

voted to pass the thirteenth amendment abolishing slavery? All of them.

Nora is impressed but reminds him that was the nineteenth

century. Times have changed.

Nora: The Democrats do more for jobs and education today.

Mumbles asks her to define what she means by “more,” but

before she can answer he gets a cell phone call.

Bad news. Daniel Kohl’s story contradicting McAllister’s Gulf War heroism is going to hit the Drudge Report in the morning. Mumbles wants to call Kitty and Robert to warn

them, but Nora convinces him to hold off until tomorrow.

Nora: It’s their wedding night. At least give them that.

Cut to Robert and

Kitty. He’s led her, eyes closed, onto his Gulfstream Jet. It’s festooned with flowers and calla lilies.

The engines rev up and McAllister, who just can’t wait for the honeymoon to

begin, starts lifting up her dress. She gets all prudish and asks what is he

doing — the flight attendant might pop in at any moment. He tells her the crew

is under strict instructions not to even come into the compartment. No matter what bloodcurdling screams they may hear.

Cut back to Walker Vineyards. Holly

is by herself cleaning up the joint. A strange man who looks suspiciously like

Ken Olin from thirtysomething (and now

executive producer on Brothers &

Sisters) wanders in and snoops around. Holly immediately recognizes him.

Holly: David?

Turns out this David guy knew Holly back from her days as an actress. David

seems a bit shifty and down on his luck. For her part, Holly seems suspicious about his just showing up.

He picks up a picture of Rebecca and casually asks who she

is, but Holly quickly (too quickly) pulls it away from him.

Holly: Why don’t you tell me why you’re really here?

Fade to black.

Uh oh. Looks like David might have arrived on the scene with

some dirt on Holly. What if Rebecca is actually his child and not Bill Walker’s? That’s one way to clear the decks for a Justin/Rebecca romance.

I guess we’ll have to wait until January to find out more.