Catfish, the groundbreaking MTV reality show that features actual pretty, and sometimes not, little liars, is returning on June 25, at 10/9 c, to the network. And given the complete drought of dastardly dramatics, double crosses and, let’s be honest, desperate, lovelorn dopes we’ve been able to see, laugh and cry with and at since season one ended, we here at Logo have decided to run a little marathon, starting at 10 am this Sunday and going for twelve glorious hours, to get you all ready for fishing season.
And this season’s crop of fish is looking juicy, deranged and, in one instance, tremendously terrifying, as you can see in the trailer above.
So, in honor of the return of the popular reality show, we here at NewNowNext decided to come up with a list of the five famous folks we would totally get our catfish on with. We don’t even care if Nev and our favorite shy guy Max (OMG, we should totes catfish Max!) are there to tape it all go down. In fact, that would probably make us even happier.
We ain’t got nothing to be ashamed of.
Oh, and for any of you who don’t know what catfishing is, get with it people! Go here now, and then start doing it to strangers to fill the loneliness in your life, knowing deep down your lie will never become a reality. Or, and this would probably be more our jam, just get them to send you moneys all the time.
We of course kid.
Screw Kerry Washington, first and foremost on our catfish love list is Olivia Pope, one of TV’s strongest characters, greatest minds and a tricky bitch to trick. We have a conference call with Shonda Rhimes later this week to brainstorm the best way to make this happen and we’ve already picked out the perfect white cashmere lounging sweater for our first meeting.
Because he’s hot, and you never know. There’s bound to be a shocking love match at some point on the show, with the misled party perhaps not being fazed by the fact that the 28-year-old dental hygienist with a tight bod and flowing blond hair they were engaged to wed, is actually just an animatronic statue of Gilgamesh in the outhouse of a recluse who lives deep in the woods, but still has Internet service. Then the statue and man fall in love, things turn around for the recluse, it’s a wonderful happy ending. Basically, what we’re trying to say is, we want to sleep with Dave Franco.
It is obviously super wrong to catfish people, like our grandmother always said, but if you were gonna catfish some poor soul, Jenny from the Panem Block seems like the kind of girl who would have the balls to accept it and move on, and the compassion required when she learns that she has not been dating Prince Harry long distance for almost an entire year, but rather Bradley Cooper in a desperate bid to get in the good graces of America after The Hangover 3: The Return of the King. And even worse, you know he would be wearing that grease cloth beanie of his during the big reveal.
Here’s what happens when you try and go catfish RuPaul. Ru quietly stands up, slowly walks to the bookshelf, and, in a soft and steady voice, reads you to filth. You’ll wish you never owned a computer in your entire life.