Before we go any further, non-regular viewers need to know that Celeb Big Bro always goes through a time shift on this day in the broadcast.

Whereas the previous two shows have dealt with events happening that day, on this day of the series, the producers have enough material to start putting out programmes based on all the material they've accrued over the previous 24 hours.

It's British and it's weird, but what the hell—we think jellied eels are the best that food can do.

If you're an American, just accept this as one of those lovable ex-colonial, tax-imposing overlord, Yankee-shooting, gun-banning, adding 'u' to every bloody word, eccentric quirks.

The other thing to know is that unless Big Brother has a big story for the Sunday morning tabloids (the best-selling newspapers in the UK), Saturday episodes are all a bit quiet.

So this recap ain't going to compete with "War and Peace" for verbiage.

There were three main storylines tonight:

1. Tila was unceremoniously evicted.

Housemates weren't told why and expressed heart-rending shock and sadness. Natch, 13 minutes later it was all "Tila Who? Tequila? We have tequila in the store room? Why didn't anyone tell me this? Let's do shots."

2. Janice and Austin had a fight about him being too "British," and decided to school Austin for being unpatriotic.

Make no mistake, Janice is Queen of the House—when Ugh Stevi and Chloe tried to explain why they were in the house, the Divine Ms D insisted that looking up at them from her seated position was giving her a neckache and demanded they kneel on the floor, literally bowing to her.

Austin wasn't having her Anglophobia and hit back that the reason he was living in the UK was because he could actually be married to his husband in our green and pleasant land, whereas hubby wasn't allowed in the US because of green and unpleasant card regulations..

The fight suddenly stopped when Queen Janice asked Austin what his star sign was and on being told "Aries," concluded "Oh, we're compatible, then."

To British eyes, this is the most American fight EVAH! Jerry Springer (a dual nationality American/Brit, just so you know) has spent his entire career trying to get a conversation like this happen.

3. Farrah had a fight.

Yes, Farrah will have a fight every day of her life. This time it was with the suddenly gorgeous James Hill, the no-name failed UK Apprentice contestant.

Farrah took umbrage that James was "staring" at her.

Given that Farrah was wearing a strange mixture of jeans and plaster casts, a white T, a cardigan and putting on lip-gloss as supposed a preface to getting ready to go to sleep, even Carl Sagan would have stared.

His next book would have been: See, Aliens Exist - and They Call Themselves Farah Abraham.

As ever, Farrah ended the set-to by calling James "immature." Despite her truncated education, girlfriend learned that word and, dagnabit, she's gonna use it whenever she can.

Thus ends a relatively dull Saturday night in the north London Borehamwood studios where CBB is filmed.

Fun fact, the studios where Celebrity Big Brother is filmed is also the place where Star Wars was filmed. (The place's professional name is Elstree).

Anyone else think that the show would be massively improved if Yoda appeared as anyone other than Sherrie Hewson?