This weekend, Beyonce headlined the star-studded Chime For Change charity concert in London, which was devoted to empowering women around the world. I totally see the irony of making fun of other women’s clothes at an event all about having healthy self-image, but part of having self-esteem is being able to laugh at yourself if you go out in, say, a hot pink tutu get-up or sheer glitter bodysuit.
Let’s dig in, shall we?
Iggy looks like Blossom from the Powerpuff Girls here—but after a couple of years, when she’s grown into herself (especially indicated by the unjustifiably short skirt). The make-up and hair are flawless, but the busy necklace, sparkle fishnets and white lace-up suede stiletto thigh-high boots are a bit much (Tip: if I have to use five adjectives to describe one article of clothing, you should probably axe it.)
To be honest, if I saw this dress on a rack, I’d never be captivated enough to try it on. The long sleeves, leopard print and shimmery fabric all seem like they’d be in some weird high school clique that only hung out because, why not? But with her simple side-swept honey waves, vampy lipstick and open-toed metallic heels Bey pulled some balance out of a dress teetering between boring and gaudy. She looks stunning as ever, damn her.
Simon Le Bon
Would you ever guess this guy used to be a rock star women threw their panties at? Sure, not having a frosted mullet and makeshift headband is a vast improvement, but it would be nice if the Duran Duran front man clung to a little of that sexy New Wave vibe. As it is the too-coordinated blue t-shirt/suit combo and too-small blazer (that button stresses me out a little) make him look like he’s ready to burst. Simon, didn’t Yasmin ever tell you horizontal stripes are not your friend?
From afar, this outfit is just kind of meh — she has a toned enough body for the cutoff top and high waisted pants combo but it’s nothing special. Up close though, it’s a whole mess of tacky glitter and bizarre folds of fabric clumping up in all the wrong places (is it just me, or does her crotchinal region look a little like a bejeweled Jabba the Hut?)
This is just a classic example of a bunch of individually nice items that just don’t belong together. It’s the Elizabeth Taylor/Richard Burton of outfits (and actually, I could kind of see Liz Taylor wearing it, which is not a good sign.) The jewelry is pretty funky and fresh, but chunky bangles mixed with statement earrings AND multiple rings are no bueno. The dress is the kind of plain frock that can show off godly gams like Blake’s with just the right amount of false modesty, but it needs one (note: just one) massive necklace or something in the center. And that updo. Just give her talon nails and she’ll look like she sips mimosas while she waits for her 2-hour tan cycle to finish by the community pool.
I admittedly have a weakness for well-fitting jumpsuits, so perhaps I’m biased. But, oh my God!—Rita is like a futuristic Marilyn with some chunky gold to keep from looking too prissy. The suit fits her almost perfectly (there’s a teeny bit of awkward wrinkling in the crotch) and she took my breath away, truly.
Mary J. Blige and J.Lo
There’s not much to say except that Mary and J-Lo are giving Raven and Jujubee a run for their money as “best drag friends.”