So I know that Halloween as we know it today descended from some ancient, pagan, celtic messfest where people thought they could communicate with the dead or whatever, but doesn’t it sometimes feel like a really gay Daylight Savings Time? Like sometime during the Great Depression FDR was all, “we need to give these ‘mo’s a new deal too, and it’s not like this daylight savings business is gonna help them cause they just go out all night skank dancing to ragtime jazz so let’s start a national dress up day that’s all goth and pop culture-y to distract them from being poor ‘n dusty.” I think I learned that at the Hall of Presidents. Or the last Broadway revival of Annie.
So, in the spirit of America, here are some themes you can follow to inevitably boost your fun factor this Halloween Weekend! Each one is inspired by another glamorous distraction: MOVING PICTURES!! Fasten your seatbelt ghouls, it’s gonna be a bumpy broom ride!
“I’M A FREE WITCH, BABY”
There’s a little witch in all of us, am I right? If you’re going with a witchy theme this Halloween play some movies like The Craft, Practical Magic, The Witches of Eastwick, and Suspiria at your party. Dress in all black, and light a lot candles. Have your guests do an actual seance on the roof of your apartment building or cast a spell on your patio! You could also hand out personalized “Book of Shadows” to your guests full of spells that are actually just jokes about them. THEY WON’T EVEN CARE BECAUSE IT’S A THEME PARTY. Serve vodka out of a cauldron. If you’re going to other parties, be sure to travel in a coven and hide your “cauldron juice” in a gatorade bottle.
Practical Magic (1998)
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“DEAD WRONG”
For a ghostly inspired evening, pregame with some movies like What Lies Beneath, The Shining, The Others, and Ghost. These are all movies about dead people so you’re definitely gonna want to either dress up as a famous deceased person or Michelle Pfeiffer. Ghost parties work best in creepy buildings so figure out which one of your friend has had the longest lease and/or drink some whisky at a cemetery or something. Another plus to this option is that covering your face with white make up does wonders for your complexion. Note: Don’t limit yourself! Ghost parties can easily be combined with Victorian-themed parties so feel free to bust out that minor Dickens character you’ve had on the back burner for a while now, just make sure not to go too Steampunk. In any case, you can’t go wrong. Drunk people love vests.
“SOMETHING’S A LITTLE OFF AT THE NUNNERY”
OMG SCARY NUNS. Films like Black Narcissus, Agnes of God, and The Name of The Rose have really cornered the market on somewhat sinister people of God. Also, feel free to just play I Confess at your party muted because it’s black and white so people will just think it’s a horror movie, and, um, Montgomery Clift. For this theme, God is in the details. Make some stained glass cookies or your guests solve a labyrinth-like mystery to find a secret bottle of gin. That’s right, Da Vinci Code this freak fest!! Plus: habits are both flattering and slimming if you’ve recently put on a few pounds.
“BOO YOU WHORE”
“Do you like scary movies?” Slasher films can bring out the inner skank in anyone. This is an empirical fact. For your slasher themed evening, it would be best to reference such cinema classics as Scream 3, Nightmare on Elm Street 2, Urban Legends, and I Know What You Did Last Summer. Have your entourage all dress as late ’90s teenagers with a precariously placed fishing instrument gouged into their skin. Break out some Sarah Michelle Gelatin Shots or a Neve Campbowl of Punch. This option will also allow you to stage an impromptu poll during the evening of which one of your friends would die first in a movie and thereby passive aggressively letting them know everyone thinks they’re a slut. +2 points for Overall Intervention Potential.
Scream 3 (Theatrical Trailer)
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“YOU IN DANGER GIRL!”
Girl v. Monster. It’s a tale as old as time. In movies like Sleepy Hollow, Lake Placid, Alien, and King Kong some fierce female leads have faced off against some very overwhelming supernatural creatures. In addition to probably serving as a metaphor for something, this genre has also provided us with some of the best running and screaming scenes out there. You can translate this cinematic tradition to your party by having your guests half dress up as monsters and half dress up as fierce female leads. This will involve donning shoulder-length hair, an expression of concern, and a daddy complex.
“BLACK, WHITE, AND DEAD ALL OVER”
Girl, people are gonna think you’re real fancy when you bust out the oldies but goodies like Psycho, Bride of Frankenstein, Night of the Living Dead, and The Haunting (1963) for your night of horror. This is probably the best theme for the evening if you’re just staying with your special someone. That’s because there’s something kind of romantic about black and white movies, don’t you think? But also kind of boring, so… You get the picture. If you’re gonna take it there with a party, have all black and white snacks and drinks. Black and white horror movies love knives so be sure to also have a lot of those in candy bowls, fruit platters, or just carry one around for the night and call it good.
