Stephen Colbert: Bill O’Reilly Is Not As Handsome As George Clooney, So Gays Can’t Marry [WATCH]

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Bill O’Reilly has finally discovered the cause of America’s decline: equality. The Fox News talking head claims that “equality is what is hurting President Obama.”

That’s right, all these damn rights are sending us all straight to hell in a gay-marriage handbasket. Crafted from stem cells, welfare checks, and shards from that broken glass ceiling.

According to O’Reilly, equality is an “opium dream” that Obama has been forcing on these United States. Humans are not born equal. He’ll never be as big and strong as Shaquille O’Neil, or as smart as Einstein or as talented as Mozart or as kind as Mother Teresa, therefore equality between humans is pointless.

By that convoluted logic, if that’s what we’re calling it, Stephen Colbert naturally came to this conclusion: “Bill is not quite as good-looking as George Clooney, so men should not be allowed to marry each other. Not even Bill and George, which is too bad, because the kids would be BEAUTIFUL.”

That’s debatable— unlike O’Reilly’s defense of inequality, which is just plain stupid.

Watch Colbert dismantle it in his usually brilliant manner below:

Lester Fabian Brathwaite is an LA-based writer, editor, bon vivant, and all-around sassbag. He's formerly Senior Editor of Out Magazine and is currently hungry. Insta: @lefabrat